State of the Union de l'âme et du corps

[NWC]

(I wrote this for myself, but now I think I want to share it. I'll add translations for the French words, though the original words are written in French for a reason, the words are better. Union de l'âme et du corps = the union of the body and the soul)


I'm 20, and though I enjoy going out and drinking and dancing sometimes, I feel a growing nausea rising when I see people my age. I find dégueulasse [disgusting] the type of girl who just goes out and fucks n'importe qui [anyone], but I don't think this is forcement [necessarily] uncommon. I find infantile the head-butting and absurd attempt at seriousness that goes on between guys. The insecurity hangs so thick in the air, and the farce of projecting it on everyone else begins. Chest-puffing thumb-suckers.

I like to consider myself as above them all, seeing as I see the farce that's being played and I laugh at it. But I don't say shit. And worse, I don't avoid these people at all costs. In fact ils me manquent [I miss them] sometimes. I've learned my lesson years ago, but sometimes need to be reminded of it. Once I'm reminded I get that bad taste in my mouth, and I recognize the taste from that one time I got food-for-thought poisoning. I distance myself, I said I distance myself and go back to my safe haven, my comfort which I had begun to take for granted.

This is a clear instability. My point of view follows the oval whip of a moon around my world. Is this a bad thing? Pas forcement [Not necessarily]. Shit, the Greeks thought the moon was perfect because it had "trouvé son lieu" [found it's place] and thus no longer had a reason to move. But they also never got around to inventing cool stuff like color photography and Dreamcast. Kahlil Gibran, on the other hand, had some decent shit going on between his ears. Like that without getting good then bad then good tastes shit would just be bland. I don't feel like bland is a great way to taste the rainbow, it feels like a waste of color vision. Of course who am I to say

words. Anyway I digress. I rest unrepentant in my oval orbit. Si je me trompe et c'est débile, tout ce que je raconte, bah alors tant pis. [If I'm wrong and everything I'm saying is stupid, well, oh well.]

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What, in your mind, is wrong about girls going out and finding someone to fuck? Do you find their male counterparts (the ones going home with the girls) equally disgusting?

[NWC]

I don't think there's anything wrong with them at all, I just find them personally disgusting. And yeah I think the same of the males, though it doesn't come to mind as much cos I'm not normally attracted to males.

I dunno what it is, especially because I know that if my life were different I would probably, if not almost assuredly be like that. I hold nothing against them, and I would not tell them to change their ways. Yet for some reason I could never imagine myself being with someone like that. While trying to think of why I realize that I had a girlfriend once who was kindof like that and also terribly insane, who later became a drug addict, so that might influence my thoughts.

But yeah otherwise I don't know, it's something I wrestle with, which is why I tried to write about it

[Doktor Howl]

etimes, I feel a growing nausea rising when I see people my age. I find dégueulasse [disgusting] the type of girl who just goes out and fucks n'importe qui [anyone],

Then don't go out.

[Doktor Howl]

I don't think there's anything wrong with them at all, I just find them personally disgusting. And yeah I think the same of the males, though it doesn't come to mind as much cos I'm not normally attracted to males.

And there you have it.  You're "disgusted" because you lack the guts or the yank to get some for yourself.

[Dr. Paes]

I didn't actually read that as NWC saying "I think this and I think that thinking this is okay" which appears to me to be what the responses are aimed at. I don't know, maybe I'm reading some kind of attack into the replies which isn't there.

I don't think there's anything wrong with them at all, I just find them personally disgusting. And yeah I think the same of the males, though it doesn't come to mind as much cos I'm not normally attracted to males.

I dunno what it is, especially because I know that if my life were different I would probably, if not almost assuredly be like that. I hold nothing against them, and I would not tell them to change their ways. Yet for some reason I could never imagine myself being with someone like that. While trying to think of why I realize that I had a girlfriend once who was kindof like that and also terribly insane, who later became a drug addict, so that might influence my thoughts.

But yeah otherwise I don't know, it's something I wrestle with, which is why I tried to write about it

"I think this and this is something I have to wrestle with."
Understandable. Thanks for sharing the piece with us. I liked it.

[NWC]

yeah Paesior that's it, I'm not making any judgments here, it was just a reflection because I don't necessarily understand why I feel the way I do. And it's not because I'm not getting laid, I am, just with one person. Which is kindof what started this, that I often find myself lusting after another girl, but then I realize that I don't find myself disgusting in that sense. Maybe disgusting is a harsh word but I don't think so.

I'm very happy with my situation, and I don't want to change it because I know I would be less happy otherwise, but yet I have urges anyway, which prompts a reflection on why I think the way I do. Is it a matter of mental self-discipline or something else?

But also I don't go to bars. I'm surrounded by 'cercles' which are strange belgian student bars where the floors are covered in shit and vomit. The guys I'm talking about are my 'friends' here. I mean I like them, but I don't. I just feel like I have 2 heavily opposing sides to myself.

Oh and I wouldn't call this a rant, because it's about no one but me.

[NWC]

uhhhhh.

also,

Derivated from the title of your "rant" it seems you are speaking of the ideality of having relationships that are not just physically involved.

yeah no the title is a reference to Descartes, which was also meant to show that I feel like I have two sides of me