WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY GODDAMNED THETANS?

[Salty]

I WAS PROMISED THETANS YOU PIG-FUCKERS! WHERE ARE THEY?

[Dysnomia]

THE ONLY ANSWER IS






TOM CRUISE

[Salty]

Screw Tom cruise.


And screw online communities that fail to deliver upon promises.
You think I post here with little pamphlets and unfunny observations about nothing for FUN?






FUCK YOU!



I want some goddamned PERKS, some motherfucking BENEFITS. Give me my thetans or KISS MY GROOMED ASSHOLE.

[-Kel-]

[Cainad (dec.)]

Thetans are the cause of mental distress and shit like that.

You seem to be irritated.



See? You're welcome.

[Salty]

Well...

You could have told me that before.

Perhaps-

OH WAIT YOURE FULL OF SHIT TRYING TO KEEP THEM FOR YOURSELF.


GIVE THEM TO ME. 

[Salty]

I may not know what they "are" or of they're "real".

But I know what I was promised.

[Freeky]

Aren't thetans like the religious version of cooties?

[Salty]

Well then I am ready for metaphysical making-out. C'mon peedee, let's GET BUSY.

[Remington]

You seem to be stuck in an electronic incident on your 6th dynamic. You really should see an auditor and blow that charge... I know an OT 8 down in Clearwater. Perhaps I could arrange something?

[Salty]

My god howdidyouknow?

Blowing a charge is exactly what I need. An auditor you say? Sounds hot.

Does this OT 8 wear glasses?



As an aside, I love taking those "stress tests" and maintaining a totally relaxed posture, mindset, outlook. It fucks with those people something fierce.

[Jasper]

You know, if you squeeze them subtly, you can get a sudden spike.  Don't let them catch you and you can confuse the heck out of them.  Helps to give subtle hints that you're mentally unstable.

[Remington]

Number one best trick for fucking with Scientologists:

Conceal a small copper wire in your shirt, running through your sleeves and around your back. Arrange it so that the wire tips poke out of your shirt cuffs (long-sleeves are a must), but not so much that they'd be noticeable.

When you're holding the cans, the auditor usually asks you to think of something stressful. Look thoughtful for a moment, then close your eyes. Start looking nervous and uncomfortable. Introduce a small twitch in your neck or shoulders, and look even more uncomfortable.

Here's the trick: adjust your grip on the cans such that both of them touch the concealed shirt-cuff wire at the same time. This will slam the needle WAAAAAAY the fuck over to one side of the meter (and keep it pinned there). Let the cans go then do it again repeatedly, so as to thrash the e-meter needle back and forth wildly. In Scientology, this is called a Rockslam... and it means that the person being audited has a hidden evil intent. Begin moaning: "Not the volcano... noooo..."


Remington,
SP Extraordinaire

[the last yatto]

just remember only the first ten are free

[Bu🤠ns]

&