Hey, Jim, I'm not doing the "Surprise Me Eris". Here's why.

[Doktor Howl]

Jim, I'm not doing the "Surprise Me Eris", because I don't have to.  My life is already rife with chaos, and while too much is still better than not enough, there's still sometimes too much.

If someone had told me this time last year that I would have been in the cardiac ward twice, had a brain virus, wrecked my motorcycle, and developed an unhealthy partnership with Big Pharma, I would have laughed.  If someone had also told me that my relationships with my best E-buddy and a few of my close IRL friends would be severely damaged for reasons that nobody can properly explain, I'd have punched them out.  If someone had told me that I'd be back with Maria, I probably would have been depressed by the notion that it was impossible...and if someone had told me that I'd take up stupid shit like bare knuckle boxing, sunroofing, and hanging out with real perverts, I would have just looked at them funny.

You may have noticed that in the Millions of Screaming Yahoos era, I was typically observing or caught up in weirdness, but was usually not really happy about the events that occurred.  But that's not how it is now, Jim...Now I can't get enough, and my life has turned into a roller coaster ride of serious medical problems, cheap thrills, and debauchery, and I just have to see what's next.  I can't help myself.  I have become that weirdest of creatures, an adrenaline junkie.  

So why should I ask Eris to surprise me?  She already does it, each and every day.  And I kind of like it.  I know Maria does...Sure, she gets mad at some of the dumber things, but I can tell by the way she behaves that she's digging it hard.

So after four very close brushes with death in less than 365 days, I have to ask myself "What do I want to do with this life that I shouldn't still have?"...and I think you know the answer, Jim.  Since I'm living on bonus time, the only proper thing to do is take more stupid chances, find ever-stranger things and people to get all weird with, and take this short time I have on this planet, AND TAKE IT TO THE WALL.  MAKE them ask themselves "Who's afraid of Doktor Howl?".

Why else would I still be here, if not to surprise Eris?  Be true to The Lady, and she'll be true to you.  Asking her is both insufficient and unnecessary.  Don't ASK for the weird, BE THE FUCKING WEIRD!

Ad fundum, jackass!

Okay for now,
Dok

[LMNO]

Hell yeah!

[-Kel-]

 Don't ASK for the weird, BE THE FUCKING WEIRD!

Ad fundum, jackass!

Okay for now,
Dok

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Long velvet evening mittens for that man!

[Vaudeville Vigilante]

 
Hell yes!

[Richter]

"Stare into the abyss, eventually the abyss stares back." - old saying

He that fights monsters should be careful not to become one - old saying

"He that makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man." - HST

[Vaudeville Vigilante]

"He that makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man." - HST

That's a great quote.

[Enrico Salazar]

Is NOT hst that say this amazing quote which is motto of Enrico's country, island nation of Salazore. 

IS DR JOHNSON!

[Richter]

Damnit Enrico, you're right.  Much as I wish to bludgeon you for uncited contradiction.

I am glad to know this, and I curse the heinous intolerance in this country.
Why, one day, back in college, a student tried to purchase a Salazorian flag to hang in his room for solidarity or irony.  The flag vendor threw the opaque wrapped package at him and pulled a gun.

There is much to find laudable and inspiring in Salazor.  Hussein was a pussy compared to the Generalissimo who provided "Hot Plate Special" (loose translation), to the entire UN General Assembly.  Guess there's some shit THEY won't eat either.   

[Doktor Howl]

"Stare into the abyss, eventually the abyss stares back." - old saying

He that fights monsters should be careful not to become one - old saying

"He that makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man." - HST

"PISS INTO THE ABYSS, AND THE ABYSS WILL PISS BACK!"
- Doktor Howl

[Richter]

"Stare into the abyss, I wave back and say 'Hi'" -Richter

[Enrico Salazar]

Much as I wish to bludgeon you for uncited contradiction.

Ah, you show promise.

[Dimocritus]

 
Yessir!

"PISS INTO THE ABYSS, AND THE ABYSS WILL PISS BACK!"
- Doktor Howl

someone needs to add this in their sig. Fucking awesome.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Hail Eris!

The fucking truth, Dok Howl!! Ever since I let that crazy bitch of a goddess into my life, she surprises me on a daily basis... sometimes good, sometimes bad... always surprising

[Doktor Howl]

Hail Eris!

The fucking truth, Dok Howl!! Ever since I let that crazy bitch of a goddess into my life, she surprises me on a daily basis... sometimes good, sometimes bad... always surprising

Bah.

Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would.

Chaos is what you DO, not something you GET.

Or at least it should be.