Responsibility

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Peregrine, I really liked your reply but I want to point out something that I've also pointed out in another thread.

My life is pretty good. I'm not a mess, and I don't need help... other than the support and love I'm already getting from my friends. I have equity in a house, three beautiful healthy bright kids and a whole lot of supportive friends, no real debt other than a modest mortgage, good credit, and a business I love which pays the bills. Barely, but in this day and age I'm lucky to have barely. I have other creative outlets that bring me a lot of satisfaction. By any objective standard, my life is not a mess; it's quite successful.

I've vented here about my divorce and written here about the majestic, depressing, hilarious travesty that is dating, but what TTM is trying to do, as a couple of other people have as well, is assert that anytime I say something snarky, irritated, or contradictory, it's because I'm divorced and bitter and my life is a wreck, so I'm taking it out on others.

It's nothing more than a way to discount my opinion. The unfortunate side effect is that it belittles other people in the process.

Back when my life was really a wreck and I wasn't talking about it, I was more hostile, more aggressive, and a great deal more emotional than I am now. I'm pretty sure I never posted about my husband throwing things at me, backing me into a corner and screaming at me, until I called the police and he spent the night in jail... which he blamed me for. There was a lot of shit I never posted about, horrible stressful embarrassing things, but I know I was angry, I was drinking too much, and I was far more abrasive and far less friendly than I am now.

Then, no one ever accused me of being a mess and taking it out on the board. No one ever accused me of saying I thought television was stupid because I was unhappy in my personal life. This armchair psychoanalist nonsense is pure condescending bullshit. "She's angry because her life is a mess" pats little divorcee on head.

How about the people who are angry and looking for someone to lash out at because they're depressed, anxious, and feel helpless? People who don't post about it because it makes them feel weak, or are afraid people will judge them... especially if they've been judgmental about other people looking for moral support here?

How ridiculous would it be to accuse everyone who disagrees with anyone else, or makes a snarky comment, of having a mental disorder or trouble at home? Better yet, what if we assumed that every comment had pointed malice behind it? That's what happens when you start making assumptions about the mental state behind people's posts. Once you make the assumption that someone is bitter and unhappy, you start viewing all their posts through that filter. I feel like some people stuck me in the "Unhappy bitter divorcee trainwreck" box, and that is the filter they insist on viewing me through, even though my anxiety over the divorce dissipated as soon as my ex and I came to a settlement, and since then I've been focused on work. I was heartbroken over Mario, now I'm over it and we're friends. I'm enjoying the hell out of Spring, meeting new people, and looking forward to the gallery opening next week.

There are things I want, like more money and a nice boyfriend, but I am pretty sure that those things will both happen in time.

I don't think TTM read that part of my post in that other thread, because it kind of pre-emptively takes the wind out of the sail of the OP in this thread. Sorry, guys, my life doesn't suck.

[Doktor Howl]

Nonono. I think you misunderstand. It's that when bad things happen, it's because the person they happen to did something bad, and they deserve it.

That brain virus was totally the result of my own choices.

I mean, the doctors have no idea how you get these things, really, but TTM has cleared that up for me.  All that damage in my reticular formation is actually my own fault.

[Doktor Howl]

Looks like I got my answer. Despite this thread being troll bait, it did have a valid point: You are the sum total of your choices.

See?

[Doktor Howl]

I'm off to pursue some personal goals now so you guys probably won't be seeing me much for a while. Better Things To Do and all, but I hope that whoever reads this thread takes something from it and tries to make their situation better.

Aw, shit.  What are we going to do without our daily dose of sociopathy?

ETA:  Forgot to ask...are all of your monikers leaving, or just the one?

[Faust]

Peregrine, I really liked your reply but I want to point out something that I've also pointed out in another thread.

My life is pretty good. I'm not a mess, and I don't need help... other than the support and love I'm already getting from my friends. I have equity in a house, three beautiful healthy bright kids and a whole lot of supportive friends, no real debt other than a modest mortgage, good credit, and a business I love which pays the bills. Barely, but in this day and age I'm lucky to have barely. I have other creative outlets that bring me a lot of satisfaction. By any objective standard, my life is not a mess; it's quite successful.

I've vented here about my divorce and written here about the majestic, depressing, hilarious travesty that is dating, but what TTM is trying to do, as a couple of other people have as well, is assert that anytime I say something snarky, irritated, or contradictory, it's because I'm divorced and bitter and my life is a wreck, so I'm taking it out on others.

It's nothing more than a way to discount my opinion. The unfortunate side effect is that it belittles other people in the process.

Back when my life was really a wreck and I wasn't talking about it, I was more hostile, more aggressive, and a great deal more emotional than I am now. I'm pretty sure I never posted about my husband throwing things at me, backing me into a corner and screaming at me, until I called the police and he spent the night in jail... which he blamed me for. There was a lot of shit I never posted about, horrible stressful embarrassing things, but I know I was angry, I was drinking too much, and I was far more abrasive and far less friendly than I am now.

Then, no one ever accused me of being a mess and taking it out on the board. No one ever accused me of saying I thought television was stupid because I was unhappy in my personal life. This armchair psychoanalist nonsense is pure condescending bullshit. "She's angry because her life is a mess" pats little divorcee on head.

How about the people who are angry and looking for someone to lash out at because they're depressed, anxious, and feel helpless? People who don't post about it because it makes them feel weak, or are afraid people will judge them... especially if they've been judgmental about other people looking for moral support here?

How ridiculous would it be to accuse everyone who disagrees with anyone else, or makes a snarky comment, of having a mental disorder or trouble at home? Better yet, what if we assumed that every comment had pointed malice behind it? That's what happens when you start making assumptions about the mental state behind people's posts. Once you make the assumption that someone is bitter and unhappy, you start viewing all their posts through that filter. I feel like some people stuck me in the "Unhappy bitter divorcee trainwreck" box, and that is the filter they insist on viewing me through, even though my anxiety over the divorce dissipated as soon as my ex and I came to a settlement, and since then I've been focused on work. I was heartbroken over Mario, now I'm over it and we're friends. I'm enjoying the hell out of Spring, meeting new people, and looking forward to the gallery opening next week.

There are things I want, like more money and a nice boyfriend, but I am pretty sure that those things will both happen in time.

I don't think TTM read that part of my post in that other thread, because it kind of pre-emptively takes the wind out of the sail of the OP in this thread. Sorry, guys, my life doesn't suck.

Excellent point. Whatever state your life is in is not the problem, nor a target to be attacked.

For the record my beef with you is limited to this: Attacking people and then back peddling when the heat gets too much for you.
Your personal life/gender/culture in no way matters to me only the above does.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Excellent point. Whatever state your life is in is not the problem, nor a target to be attacked.

For the record my beef with you is limited to this: Attacking people and then back peddling when the heat gets too much for you.
Your personal life/gender/culture in no way matters to me only the above does.

I appreciate that you don't attack my personal life when you have a problem with me. However, I also think that you're reading my posts through a different filter, one that assumes malice, because when I said "I hate all alignment charts..." wasn't an attack on anyone. It was an idle comment about alignment charts, which led to a three-person pileon by people who assumed I was being spiteful, for reasons unknown since I have never previously had a problem with TTM. At least, not one that I remember.

[Faust]

Excellent point. Whatever state your life is in is not the problem, nor a target to be attacked.

For the record my beef with you is limited to this: Attacking people and then back peddling when the heat gets too much for you.
Your personal life/gender/culture in no way matters to me only the above does.

I appreciate that you don't attack my personal life when you have a problem with me. However, I also think that you're reading my posts through a different filter, one that assumes malice, because when I said "I hate all alignment charts..." wasn't an attack on anyone. It was an idle comment about alignment charts, which led to a three-person pileon by people who assumed I was being spiteful, for reasons unknown since I have never previously had a problem with TTM. At least, not one that I remember.

So you deny attacking anyone else over the space of the last two months. What do you think caused the dogpile, even if you're intent was harmless?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, FTR, I don't backpedal. If anything, I escalate. And when I'm wrong, I apologize. However, I am not going to apologize for calling the people who decided to jump my shit for saying I hate all alignment charts because they're all based on TV and video games "two-legged smeg trucks" because A. I wasn't wrong, and B. that was a damn good line.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Excellent point. Whatever state your life is in is not the problem, nor a target to be attacked.

For the record my beef with you is limited to this: Attacking people and then back peddling when the heat gets too much for you.
Your personal life/gender/culture in no way matters to me only the above does.

I appreciate that you don't attack my personal life when you have a problem with me. However, I also think that you're reading my posts through a different filter, one that assumes malice, because when I said "I hate all alignment charts..." wasn't an attack on anyone. It was an idle comment about alignment charts, which led to a three-person pileon by people who assumed I was being spiteful, for reasons unknown since I have never previously had a problem with TTM. At least, not one that I remember.

So you deny attacking anyone else over the space of the last two months. What do you think caused the dogpile, even if you're intent was harmless?

I may well have attacked someone, without provokation, or used abrasive language in the last two months. I'm not going to deny it because I've been in arguments here, as have we all. I also recall apologizing to a person or two, so I must have thought I was in the wrong.

I am saying that in this particular case, I got my shit jumped over an assumption about what I meant by my comment. Obviously, tempers were flaring over the recent brouhaha. I responded in kind.

If you want a comparison of my overall level of abrasiveness now vs, say, two years ago, read my replies in the other "reponsibility" thread that I just bumped. I read them, and honestly, I am a much kinder gentler Nigel now.

[Faust]

Ok, I'll accept that, but please stick with it. I don't want this whole thing to flare up again, I don't have the energy for it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Stick with what?    I'm never going to be caterpillar bunny unicorns farting rainbows and kittens. I'm probably also never going to be quite as much of an abrasive asshole as I was when I first got here.

[Faust]

No one is saying you have to be sweetness and light, no one here is, but protracted arguments that spill across the forum are unnecessary and at this stage tiring.

[Nast]

No one is saying you have to be sweetness and light, no one here is, but protracted arguments that spill across the forum are unnecessary and at this stage tiring.

Shut your goddamn whore mouth, I'm a fucking fairy princess.

[Faust]

No one is saying you have to be sweetness and light, no one here is, but protracted arguments that spill across the forum are unnecessary and at this stage tiring.

Shut your goddamn whore mouth, I'm a fucking fairy princess.

ah yes, very good.

[NotPublished]

No one is saying you have to be sweetness and light, no one here is, but protracted arguments that spill across the forum are unnecessary and at this stage tiring.

Shut your goddamn whore mouth, I'm a fucking fairy princess.

You go girl!