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Will someone please explain this?

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, March 27, 2010, 11:15:31 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

March 27, 2010, 11:15:31 PM
http://news.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Asia/Story/A1Story20100322-206018.html

QuoteMan inserts zucchini into anus in suicide attempt

A 62-year-old man was rushed to hospital after he attempted to take his own life the ancient way.

The sexagenarian inserted a zucchini into his anus in the attempted suicide at his home in Hong Kong on Friday.

According to Ming Bao, the man's daughter who returned home at about 10.40pm was shocked to see her father moaning in pain and lying in a pool of blood.


She rushed him to the hospital for bleeding in the anus.

When asked by the medical assistants, the man said he wished to die and that it was an ancient way to take one's own life.

The man is recuperating at the hospital after doctors removed the zucchini that was left in his rectum.


What the hell kind of demon zucchini do they have in Hong Kong? And how does inserting a vegetable into your bum cause bleeding? What the hell is the deal with this? Also, what kind of ancient suicide technique involves bleeding to death from one's ass? Wouldn't it occur to someone that being found dead in a pool of ass-blood by your relatives would be... I don't even know what to say.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Nast

#1
March 27, 2010, 11:28:32 PM
Christ, I nearly pooped myself laughing  :lol:

I don't know. I just...don't know.
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Nast

#2
March 27, 2010, 11:30:29 PM
Although, thinking about it now, zucchinis left on the vine can get pretty big.
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Faust

#3
March 27, 2010, 11:32:54 PM
yes of course, it was a an "ancient suicide ritual" and definitely not sticking it up there because he was bored.
Sleepless nights at the chateau

Jasper

#4
March 27, 2010, 11:35:08 PM
Most people don't die when things go up their ass, no matter how succulent and nutritious the offending object is.  So how come he was bleeding and dying?

Elder Iptuous

#5
March 28, 2010, 04:02:59 AM
yeah, i'm with Faust.
he got caught with vegetation up his ass and blurted out the first lie he could think of.  he was then forced to run with it.

he is now hastily making the wiki page that describes this ancient technique in order to give it some credibility....

Jasper

#6
March 28, 2010, 05:16:03 AM
I still don't see how this became a lethal activity.

Sir Squid Diddimus

#7
March 28, 2010, 05:28:17 AM
"Goodbye cruel world! Let's see what have we got here, carrots, squash, cilantro, AHA! Starfruit! Hngrnglefrump....."

"I sentence thee to death by ass taters!"

Gives new meaning to ass burgers, kinda but not really.

Jasper

#8
March 28, 2010, 05:32:40 AM
:lulz: :lulz:

Sounds only marginally less humane than death by hanging.  And funnier.

BadBeast

#9
March 28, 2010, 08:35:05 AM Last Edit: March 28, 2010, 05:40:39 PM by BadBeast
Also, what kind of ancient suicide technique involves bleeding to death from one's ass?

I think it's the embarrassment of getting found that finishes you off! (Or if it doesn't, you'll soon wish it had)

Edit; Having thought long and hard about this, I am baffled as to how anyone, Japanese or not, arrived at the conclusion this was an effective way to end ones life. I can just about accept that one day, in some perverse mood of experimentation, some particularly cruel and ruthless Daimo, wondered how many zucchinis he could stuff up a prisoners bunghole, before he died, and decided to find out, on some poor unfortunate. That, I can accept, but to then gain enough popularity to become a popular or "traditional method of suicide", when they already had the perfectly honourable "seppuku", or ritual disembowelling of oneself, beggars belief. I think this dirty old Wrongcock was being experimental with the contents of his allotment, his curiosity aroused by the phallic shape of his prize zucchini, and by the time he was found, taken to the Hospital, examined by the Doctor, and patched up, he wished he had committed seppuku. So the suicide story was hastily offered as an excuse, because the old fella actually wanted to die by the end of this ordeal. And probably still does. I know I would, in his position.
       
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Triple Zero

#10
March 28, 2010, 11:59:11 AM
I'm pretty sure that if you are particularly stupid about it, say you insert it 5 inches and then decide to sit on it in order to push it further, it will rupture something and bleed like a motherfucker.

The "ancient suicide method" is obviously just an excuse. A rather creative one, I have to say. A lot better than "yeah I was vacuuming the kitchen, and then I just .. um, fell on this zuccini, yeah uh".
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
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NotPublished

#11
March 28, 2010, 12:21:29 PM
He just didn't know how to take.

:lulz: @ ancient suicide technique. But I wouldn't put it past the Japs... Gawd does this mean the other suicide methods are just made up on embarassing situations to?
In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

Storebrand

#12
March 28, 2010, 04:53:32 PM
Seven Bizarre Items That were Lodged in Assholes  http://regretfulmorning.com/2009/06/7-objects-in-assholes/

Nast

#13
March 28, 2010, 06:02:42 PM
Quote from: NotPublished on March 28, 2010, 12:21:29 PM
He just didn't know how to take.

:lulz: @ ancient suicide technique. But I wouldn't put it past the Japs... Gawd does this mean the other suicide methods are just made up on embarassing situations to?

This was in Hong Kong, actually...
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#14
March 28, 2010, 06:21:16 PM
Quote from: StoreBrand on March 28, 2010, 04:53:32 PM
Seven Bizarre Items That were Lodged in Assholes  http://regretfulmorning.com/2009/06/7-objects-in-assholes/



There are so many things that are specifically designed to do in your ass that I just don't understand why people use so many things that AREN'T.

I mean, don't these people ever bother to check Amazon for butt plugs?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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