Author Topic: Unlimited How Not to Be a Fat Fucky Bastard thread: now 100% more fat free  (Read 48454 times)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2010, 10:11:59 pm »
On the "working out" tip of the not being a fat bastard, I finally found someone to go hiking with, which means I can stop procrastinating. Maybe I'll put some beans in the garden while I'm waiting for her.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Shibboleet The Annihilator

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #16 on: April 25, 2010, 01:45:18 am »
Okay, having lost 35 pounds, a few people have asked me how I did it.  What you're going to get here is a very difficult plan that requires discipline.  There is no easy way.  I'd also like to give credit to Nigel, who helped develop the bare-bones plan that the doctor gave me into a more comprehensive and effective method.

First, cut out all of the following:

Fast food.  No exceptions other than salads.
Anything that went in a deep fryer.  Period.
Booze of any kind.  No exceptions, no days off.
Junk food (chips, ice cream, pastries, etc)
Non-diet soda.  This one is a killer.

You will notice that I have not mentioned carbs, etc.  There is good reason for this.  You NEED carbs.

Second, plan your calorie limit.  Nigel pointed out a really good site, http://thedailyplate.com  Go there, and plug in your height, weight, age, etc, and tell it the following, no matter what the real case is:

1.  I wish to maintain my present weight.
2.  I do low/moderate exercise

When you do this, it will give you your "break even" calories.  Subtract 500 from this number.  This is your target goal, every day except Sunday.  On Sunday, hit your break even number, but don't exceed it.  You need to do this to be in decent condition for Monday at work, and to give yourself a rest.

Third, plan your diet, using the number generated above for your total daily intake.  HOWEVER, no meal should be larger than the following example:

1.  Two slices of bread, low cal mayo, and either a piece of cheese OR meat the size of the palm of your hand.
2.  A pile of veggies the size of your fist.

Calculate the calories involved (regging an account at the daily plate opens up all kinds of neat tools for doing this), and you can figure the number of meals per day.  This is important...the idea is to shrink your stomach.  Multiple small meals are better than 3 solid meals.  Space these out evenly over the day.  Plan 340 calories for 2 slimfasts or the like.  This is important, and I'll cover it later.  Also, plan 90 calories for bed time (also covered later)

If you aren't having a sammich, then substitute it with the food you are going to eat, but nothing larger than your fist in total volume.

Fourth,  Eat a piece of fruit within 20 minutes of waking up (or veggies, etc), to keep your body from going into conservation mode.

Fifth, Veggies should be about 80% of your diet.  This has the added advantage of being CHEAP.  ONE piece of fruit per day (loose fruit like berries, etc, should again be the size of your fist.)  Bear in mind that for these purposes, tomatoes are veggies, but corn and peas are fruit.

Sixth, DO NOT EAT WHILE ON THE COMPUTER OR WHILE WATCHING TV.  If it's time to eat, get away from the comp or TV.  Break the habit of eating while you do these things, they're killers.

Seventh, Diet soda has zero calories.  Coffee has 4 calories per cup, tea has zero, and water has zero.  No milk (if you need calcium, take Tums), no juice.

Eighth, LEAVE THE TABLE HUNGRY.  Do NOT fill up with low/no cal food like pickles, etc.  The idea here is to shrink your stomach, which will ease unnecessary hunger.  When you get too fucking hungry, have one of your two slimfasts.  They're nothing but Potassium, and will trick your hunger for a couple of hours.

Ninth, Eat a salad right before bed.  Garden salad ONLY.  No meat, no eggs, no anything.  Lettuce and sliced veggies only.  Use either balsamic vinagarette or low fat Italian dressing.  DO NOT PUT THE DRESSING ON THE SALAD, leave it on the side, and dip into it.  This salad will let you go to bed without an empty stomach, and will also have the added advantage of making you shit the whole world out of your guts in the morning, which will make you feel better than you'd think possible.

Tenth, NO CHEATING.  NO "VACATIONS".  Not even if you're at a fucking wedding.  NO EXCEPTIONS.  I cannot stress this enough.

Eleventh  Do cardio workouts.  Do not lift weights.  All the weights you need are already attached to your fat ass.  Treadmill is best (eliptical if you have bad knees), go as fast as you can comfortably walk for one hour, then a 5 minute cool down.  If you can't afford the gym, just go for a walk, but keep your pace up.  Drive out a 2 mile route, and use it.  When that becomes easy, and it will, add a mile.  4-6 miles is the most you want to do.  IF YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT, DO NOT - I REPEAT DO NOT - RUN.  Your knees won't like it.  Calculate the calories (daily plate or elsewhere) burned AND ADD THEM TO YOUR DAILY ALLOWANCE.  Replace those calories, you'll need them.  The purpose of exercise is to stimulate your metabolism, not burn fat.  It requires a marathon to lose one pound of real weight.  Lastly, drink loads of water while doing this and DO NOT WEAR PLASTIC OR WHATEVER TO MAKE YOURSELF SWEAT.  Water weight loss is an illusion, and will FUCK YOUR KIDNEYS UP.  Work out for two days straight, then take a day off, then two more days, then a day off, etc.

Twelvth, NO FUCKING CHEATING.  NO VACATIONS.  NO EXCEPTIONS.  EAT NOTHING YOU HAVEN'T PLANNED INTO YOUR DIET.  This is NOT easy, for the first several weeks you are going to be in pain from hunger, feel weak, cranky, everything else.  This is NORMAL.   It is the price you pay for NOT BEING A FATASS.  The Slimfasts are there to help you.

There's a few more hints I'll post as they come to mind, and I'd appreciate Nigel's input, but that's the basic plan.

Okay for now,
Dok.

:mittens: on everything but alcohol and weight lifting. Limited amounts of red wine & some dark lagers (1-2 servings, depending on your body type/height) can help your heart and weight. If you're a person who likes to drink more than that then stick to just not drinking because the benefits are negated after 1 or 2 servings. Weight lifting to build certain muscles will cause the muscles to burn up more calories in the long-run. Your focus should definitely be cardio if you're obese/overweight, but weight training is not necessarily bad and can be helpful in burning fat.

Additionally, hiring a trainer or getting a friend to work out with you will help you stick to your plan.

EDIT: Try to avoid soda entirely actually, it's been shown that even diet soda can hinder weight loss in addition to stripping calcium from your bones. Consider green tea or water in place of popping opening a soda.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2010, 07:07:39 pm by Vladimir Poopin »

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2010, 05:40:36 pm »
You lost me at no alcohol.

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #18 on: May 03, 2010, 05:50:30 pm »
You lost me at no alcohol.

Everyone's gotta make their choices.

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #19 on: May 03, 2010, 06:03:43 pm »
Way too damn late for me to even try to be healthy.

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #20 on: May 03, 2010, 07:07:58 pm »
It's never too late, even if you're literally dying.

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2010, 07:53:41 pm »
IIRC alcohol metabolizes directly into fat pretty much, plus most of it comes with tons of sugar.  But I restrict all my bad behavior to the weekends, alcohol included.  I also generally only allow meals that are A) high in fat or B) high in carbs but not C) high in both.  And vegetables, lots and lots of vegetables.
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Fractalbeard

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #22 on: May 04, 2010, 05:28:09 am »
Congrats Doc!
I lost 30 last year by eating in a very similar way, same basic idea, and kept it off (though I should really jump it up some more notches to lose more...)

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #23 on: May 04, 2010, 04:13:30 pm »
It's never too late, even if you're literally dying.

We can discuss in another thread if you like, I don't want to derail this one.

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #24 on: May 15, 2010, 01:40:32 pm »
EDIT: Try to avoid soda entirely actually, it's been shown that even diet soda can hinder weight loss in addition to stripping calcium from your bones. Consider green tea or water in place of popping opening a soda.


I seem to remember reading that artificial sweeteners stimulate your appetite, so drinking diet-soda will just make you hungry, making it harder to stick to your diet.
It's not trolling, it's just satire.

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #25 on: May 15, 2010, 04:15:26 pm »
I recently discovered bubbly soda water. Nothing expensive or fancy mineral bullshit, it just has to have bubbles.

The problem with water is, that if you're not just drinking for thirst, but just for having something to drink, I generally finish a glass of water in 2 or 3 big gulps. But if the water's fizzy, you can't drink as fast and it lasts longer, which is nice.

Also once you get used to it, the taste is actually pretty good (CO2 definitely changes the flavour of water--it's usually not the minerals you're really tasting).

Also you can mix it half-half with OJ or apple juice. Fruit juice has a bit more calories of course, but in a 50/50 mix with sodawater it's not bad and the sugar levels are a lot more sane so it actually quenches thirst.
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Rumckle

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #26 on: May 15, 2010, 04:20:42 pm »
Also once you get used to it, the taste is actually pretty good (CO2 definitely changes the flavour of water--it's usually not the minerals you're really tasting).


H2O + CO2 = H2CO3 (Carbonic acid)

:)
Soda water (as we call it here) is pretty tasty, I like to add a little bit of lime juice to it.
It's not trolling, it's just satire.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #27 on: May 15, 2010, 04:29:13 pm »
I've decided that this last year before I turn 40 is my Year of Vanity. I am having all the hair permanently removed from the places I don't want hair, riding my bike,  hiking, running, and being hardcore about my diet in a big bad way until I lose 10-15 lbs. (I'm not sure which; my scale is kind of broken.) I quit smoking altogether last week (I was smoking 1-3 cigarettes a day, and it was starting to gross me out) and from now until I look the way I want to look, I am having no alcohol, no pasta, no bread, and no white rice. I am still allowing myself whole fats, which means bacon grease, butter, and cold-pressed untreated oils. My only exception will be girls' night out, when I can have up to three servings of vodka or whiskey with soda water.

For beverages I am having only green tea with lemon, and water. Once a week I'm having a juice day; I have a juicer so I can just buy a few pounds of fruits/veggies and go to town.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #28 on: May 18, 2010, 08:15:07 pm »
Hey, look at that.  I lost another pound.

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Re: How to not be a fat bastard.
« Reply #29 on: May 24, 2010, 06:57:18 pm »
Sweet merciful fuck, there goes another 2 pounds.



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