I love the queers

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Thanks, Twid. I appreciate it.

I don't assume people spend time thinking about me. I am pretty unremarkable. It did, however, come across as passive aggressive swipes. Which was apparently not your intent (I have a long history of dealing with people who are insanely passive aggressive, so I imagine that's part of why).


My gender is important to me. I care minimally about other people's gender because, well, it's their business and I don't care how they identify because that's THEIR identity.

I've reconsidered my opinion on asking up front, though. Not everybody wants other people to know or is ready to/interested in coming out. If they want me to know, they'll tell me.

Most people's personal stuff is important to them. And not to people they don't know, unless those people are nosy assholes like the Westboro fucks.

The reason other people's gender identity isn't significant for me is because it's none of my fucking business unless, for some reason, it IS my business. If I'm working with a trans kid, for example.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Not to insult the whole idea of gender fluidity and all that sort of thing. Its just not something i would like to be asked. I dunno maybe i think things are getting overly complicated. I do like the idea of a gender neutral third and they works well. You and i/we dont have gender modifiers.

I am OK with they, but I prefer it. The whole thing of not calling people "it" is relatively recent, it used to be quite common to refer to children beneath the age of gender differentiation as "it" and it wasn't considered offensive at all.

That's my preference; I wouldn't force it on anyone though. I'm fine with "she". It's accurate enough.

But if anyone ever asks me, I will tell them that my preferred pronoun is "it".

Reason #1742 why you cannot trust a Nigel. It is a robot.

You are Nigel, right?

Who wants to know?
                        \

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Not to insult the whole idea of gender fluidity and all that sort of thing. Its just not something i would like to be asked. I dunno maybe i think things are getting overly complicated. I do like the idea of a gender neutral third and they works well. You and i/we dont have gender modifiers.

I am OK with they, but I prefer it. The whole thing of not calling people "it" is relatively recent, it used to be quite common to refer to children beneath the age of gender differentiation as "it" and it wasn't considered offensive at all.

That's my preference; I wouldn't force it on anyone though. I'm fine with "she". It's accurate enough.

But if anyone ever asks me, I will tell them that my preferred pronoun is "it".

I used to refer to my youngest sibling as it for a brief time.

Mom got annoyed with that because it was my sister.

Well. It's a girl. It's a baby. As long as it's "the baby" it's an it. It's Twidsister, sure but it's an it in all other circumstances. Until it develops a tangible personality, regardless of how immature, I recognize it as a lovable it. Put all the pink clothes you want on it. It grew up to be a very intelligent, presumably hetero-cis (I also hate the qualifier cis, but begrudgingly acknowledge its occasional necessity in such conversations) female who also hates hearing the word fag. But, even then, I don't know where she falls in the alphabet soup (and that's what I'm calling humanity minus douches from now on- heterosexists are SHHH) and frankly, I don't care. She's my sister until she tells me she's my brother, or my itter or other or whateverer sort of thing they come up with next. Also she accepts me as her brother and favorite sibling, confides in me, even though there's a chunk of me she knows nothing about.

Also, I introduced her observant Catholic self with some interesting slurs. She got a kick out of Popery, I must say.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Actually, that's an interesting tangent.

If we're going to be adding new pronouns, how does that affect the terminology of sibling or parent-child relationships?

Note, I'm probably going to get stodgy at this point but if my child/sibling wants me to call them something, I'd like to be familiar with the word already.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually, that's an interesting tangent.

If we're going to be adding new pronouns, how does that affect the terminology of sibling or parent-child relationships?

Note, I'm probably going to get stodgy at this point but if my child/sibling wants me to call them something, I'd like to be familiar with the word already.

I'm getting pretty acclimated to simply referring to them as "sibs", but that's because of my work.

I refer to my children as "offspring" or "babe" or "chicken-potatoes", or by their many and varied names. Of course, I do actually call them "Eldest Female Offspring", "The Boy One", and "Little Orange", and I suppose they might object to that. EFO could potentially object to being called "Hey Girliehead Face Pants" but it doesn't.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Actually, that's an interesting tangent.

If we're going to be adding new pronouns, how does that affect the terminology of sibling or parent-child relationships?

Note, I'm probably going to get stodgy at this point but if my child/sibling wants me to call them something, I'd like to be familiar with the word already.

I'm getting pretty acclimated to simply referring to them as "sibs", but that's because of my work.

I refer to my children as "offspring" or "babe" or "chicken-potatoes", or by their many and varied names. Of course, I do actually call them "Eldest Female Offspring", "The Boy One", and "Little Orange", and I suppose they might object to that. EFO could potentially object to being called "Hey Girliehead Face Pants" but it doesn't.

If and when I have kids, I'm just as happy to refer to them as the gender that the OBGYN told me about, until they tell me otherwise. Then they can get all awkward for the coming out as what ever they are for several years, finally come out, and I can be like, "whatever man. I can tell you all about me if you like, but you probably don't want to hear it. Gotta come from somewhere though, right? :wink wink nudge nudge:"

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Oh, and since we're on it, I suppose it's time I told you about the birds and the birds and the bees and the bees. In graphic detail. Hahah.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I approve of this course of action. 

Gotta keep the little shits on their toes. I achieve this by making them uncomfortable wherever possible.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I approve of this course of action. 

Gotta keep the little shits on their toes. I achieve this by making them uncomfortable wherever possible.

I think I'm going to take a few pages out of the TGRR book of parenting.

Yeah, yeah, that's all well and good, but...

..while I'm at it, let me tell you about your old cis-man and the shenanigans he used to and still get up to and your ma begrudgingly put(s) up with. Also, here's a Pope Card and some plastic eggs and some oranges. Oh, hey, you're doing that, can I join in? I won't tell mom, I swear. Here's $500 (inflation). Have a good time with your genderfriend.

It should be noted also, that I am less traditional than Villager. We've already had the conversation about last names, and I figured that if they are male, they bear my last name, if they are female, they bear hers. We came to the compromise that if they are female, they are Twiddleton-Villager and if male, Villager-Twiddleton, not including first and middle names. I think.

We did agree that our first daughter would be named after my paternal grandmother.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I also have already expressed my disinclination to her taking my name. Unless she wants to shun her birth family.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Actually, that's an interesting tangent.

If we're going to be adding new pronouns, how does that affect the terminology of sibling or parent-child relationships?

Note, I'm probably going to get stodgy at this point but if my child/sibling wants me to call them something, I'd like to be familiar with the word already.

I'm getting pretty acclimated to simply referring to them as "sibs", but that's because of my work.

I refer to my children as "offspring" or "babe" or "chicken-potatoes", or by their many and varied names. Of course, I do actually call them "Eldest Female Offspring", "The Boy One", and "Little Orange", and I suppose they might object to that. EFO could potentially object to being called "Hey Girliehead Face Pants" but it doesn't.

As far as siblings go, I only have cisters, no brothers or others. I am the only son of an only son. And Midsister has already provided surname continuity through my nephew.

Uncle Twiddleton,
Surname weight off shoulders. Have yet to meet him.  <----at Midsister

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It is somewhat useful in terms of raising children, to separate the whole egoistic naming-it-after-me thing and give them all the same last name, simply because THEY will be siblings longer than YOU will be alive. Hopefully at least 30 years longer.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

It is somewhat useful in terms of raising children, to separate the whole egoistic naming-it-after-me thing and give them all the same last name, simply because THEY will be siblings longer than YOU will be alive. Hopefully at least 30 years longer.

I think that's why we came to the horty-torty hyphenated compromise. That was her concern too. At least if the surnames are variations of each other, the sibling relationship is still obvious to outsiders.

Funny enough, it was genealogical research that formed my opinions on this. I am Irish, and very so. My ancestry is overwhelmingly so, being a son of an immigrant and a mostly Irish-American. And last names, which are patrilinear tend to shape things, no matter how tenuous or thinned. My matrilinear name, as far back as I can trace it, is Scottish. Reversed, my last name would at least be Gillis, who was my.... :cracks open Bible: thrice-great grandmother, an immigrant to Canada born in Scotland in 1838. Why is that any less valid? It's my mitochondrial lineage.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

In other words, providing that Villager and I have children, I would hope that all of her direct female descendants retain her name, and all of my male descendants retain mine. Dual-linear.

[MMIX]

In other words, providing that Villager and I have children, I would hope that all of her direct female descendants retain her name, and all of my male descendants retain mine. Dual-linear.

If the world doesn't end abruptly next Friday then I predict that your distant descendants will really hate you.

MMIX
40 yrs of amateur genealogy