Stop right there, criminal scum!

[Jasper]

One of my best friends is a "jock", but he's not the letterman vest subspecies at least.  Jocks are fine, if they're not too fratty.

Question to anyone who might know:  Will I have to cut my hair?  It's not a deal breaker, to be honest it would give me an excuse.  I'd just rather know before I commit to this.

[East Coast Hustle]

Not at all. I see long-haired, humorous, quick-witted, reasonable-acting people who are capable of critical thinking employed as cops everywhere.

Especially in PDX.

Might wanna go practice killing a mentally ill homeless person.

[Jasper]

There's that.

There's also the fact that I would have to spend two years risking my life for an illegal war, or sitting in an emergency call center, to become a Ptown cop.   The picture is a little brighter for Seattle, except enrollment is ridiculously competitive.

Damn it all, I just want to get a job that will put me through college.  I don't mind danger or fuss, I just want reasonable hours and compensation.

Looking into other careers now.  Suggestions or resources would be cool, if anyone has any clever ideas.

[Vene]

Move to Nevada, become a man-whore.

Hey, if I knew a good option, I wouldn't be unemployed right now.

[The_Professor]

go to Oaksterdam, get your certs for 500 bucks and two weekends, then go to work in a dispensary for 30k a year as a budtender. its the fastest growing (ahem) industry in the USA, the biggest cash crop in the USA and almost no controls. people who get in now can be millionares when it goes legal for interstate. seriously, show me any other industry with as much potential for growth in this econ. and your not only allowed to smoke weed but its actually encouraged, no jocks but the security guys, and you dont need to get a hair cut.   

weed is magic shit.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Not at all. I see long-haired, humorous, quick-witted, reasonable-acting people who are capable of critical thinking employed as cops everywhere.

Especially in PDX.

Might wanna go practice killing a mentally ill homeless person.

[the last yatto]

in tazer we trust

[Richter]

I've heard different takes on people getting into law enforcement.  Some seem to go right into it, others have gotten criminal justice degrees, worked mall security for years, and can't seem to break in.   

I know Dok has worked as one, and Cram has a buddy on the force (Who is one of the more genuinely outgoing and Discoridan I know).  See what they say.

Nigel also posted this blog a while back, it's got some interesting perspective on the stuff police deal with.
marsbarn.typepad.com/raindogblue/

[BadBeast]

In the UK, the Police Force is made up largely of people who were bullied relentlessly at school, never learned to stand up for themselves, and decided they were going to get their own back for every slight, real or imagined, on every person who dared to challenge their new found personal power base.  
Or people who need to exert power over others, for reasons that have nothing to do with upholding the Law, or protecting vulnerable people, having more to do with having easily defined target groups they can pretty much bully, abuse, or exploit, with little chance of being held accountable.
They are generally lacking intelligence or intuition,  petty minded, over reactionary, racist, bigoted tooled up bully boys, who would never get a chance to wield anyhere near that kind of power, if it wasn't for their Uniforms, (on account of getting their arses kicked on a daily basis, for their outrageous behaviour)

They generally have no life, or friends outside of the Police Force, due to their inability to be "off duty", or leave the job for working hours.
And their working enviroment is such that any promotion chances are conditional to the amount of arse-kissing they do. Promotion is so fiercely contested, they spend much of their time attempting to discredit their own colleagues, preventing them from attaining any potential prospect of promotion.
So they are not able to trust even their own workmates. Inter-departmental rivalries often reach ridiculous proportions, with undercover Officers setting up criminal networks, and engaging in all kinds of high level crime, in order to maintain a illusion of "intel"    

Even the most upstanding and Law abiding of citizens mistrust them, and have as little to do with them as possible. They (as a body, or department) are constantly pushing their remit as far as they can, lobbying for extra powers, harsher sentencing, and more resources. But they rarely even know enough about the Law as regards their basic powers of arrest, entry, detainment, or proportionate use of force, to properly implement even the most basic of Duties within the Law. They are brutal, quick to use whatever reason they feel is expedient, to use excessive force. And (and I'm not exaggerating here) they can barely engage in the simplest of conversations, preferring to make up their minds as what action they might take, before making any attempt to find out any facts or details of any given situation.

They deliberately inflame any infraction of public order, imagined or real, and often create a situation, where there was none, in order to maintain a level of arrests that make their Jobs look justifiable. They are lazy, incompetent, disrespectful, misogynist,
and totally unaccountable to the Public. Any complaint against a Police Officer, is dealt with by the "Independent Police Complaints Commission", a body made up of, yep, you guessed it, Police Officers.
(The "Independent" part just means they are Officers from another Force, not the one the complaint was made about)

Basically, the UK Police Force uses the same power structure as any successful Gang of villains. They have the same division of labour, with footsoldiers, captains, planners, procurers, armourers, Lawyers, damage limitation people, and Button men.
Armed response units, enforcing any  high profile, street level turf wars, and a whole army of paid informants, who sell dubious information, like a commodity.

Not a job to take if you want to retain any level of humanity, integrity, or self respect.  

edit: But apart from all of that, they is a fine body of men! Thin Blue line, and all that Bollocks! Where would we be without them?  I'll tell you, living in fackin' Anarchy! That's where!

[East Coast Hustle]

In my experience the above post applies to US cops just as well, with very few exceptions.

[East Coast Hustle]

IOW, if you're looking to join the most well-armed gang in your city, being a cop is a good move. You CAN make a shit-ton of money, it just won't come from your paycheck.

Please check your humanity at the door.

[Cramulus]

My best buddy Nomad is both a Discordian and a cop.

He is a stand up dude, and always has been. His heart is in the right place - moreso than most people I've met. He is also a brutal motherfucker, and does not hesitate to tase a guy or throw him on the pavement, hard. That being said, Nomad works in one of the toughest cities on the east coast, Bridgeport CT, and prefers to work beats which other cops refer to as "blood money". Many cops go their entire career without having ever shot their gun - Nomad's been in more than one gunfight in his first year on the force.

He's always been a chaotic trickster spirit, that guy. When most people find out he had become a cop, they say something like, "a cop?? when I met that dude, we were blowing lines off some chick's tits!"

Being a cop has changed him a little. He's definitely got power now, power which he used to wish he had. He does not tolerate people fucking with him. He is quick to put a motherfucker on the ground. When he's off duty, he relaxes a whole lot, but he's still gotta carry a loaded weapon everywhere.

His life is like an action movie. Every time I talk to him, he's just recovering from the latest high speed car chase, car accident, foot pursuit, and subsequent circle beating.

I've learned a number of things from Nomad:

1. do not, under any circumstances, run from the cops
2. there are two types of cops: the kind that relish the opportunity to bust you for something, and the kind that will do everything in their power to not fill out any paperwork.


cops can make a lot of money on overtime. Overtime pay is so good (around here at least) that many cops work take overtime at any opportunity. The scary thing is this: after you get in a life threatening situation (ie being shot at), they give you a few days of paid vacation and therapy, just to get your head back together. But working during this period is worth overtime or doubletime, so many cops just come back to work. This means that there are cops whose heads are all twisted up from being in Life Or Death situations driving around and issuing speeding tickets. This unnerves me a bit.

I've hung out with Nomad's cop friends, and they are weird characters. Many of them are lunkheads, and I always found that weird and sad. Nomad is a smart guy, but not brilliant -- he graduated at the top of his class in the academy. The majority of his peers are people who haven't ever experienced the chaotic side of life; I think that's nomad's main advantage. He knows exactly why these people run from the cops.

[BadBeast]

From what I've seen of people's attitudes, there seems to be a distinct different personality type between US &UK Cops. In the US, being a Cop is something that you can aspire to, when in your youth, and once you graduate from the Police Academy, (not the movie, dumbass) you can still engender a certain degree of respect from your fellow citizens. In as much as you can go out to a Bar, and enjoy yourself, and when someone asks you what you do for a living, it's no big deal to say "I'm a Cop".

In the UK, the Scuffers are advised not to disclose their occupation in casual conversation with regular Humans, in case their integrity as an Officer of the Law is
compromised in any way. Which just implies that they never had any to start with.
Even though they are secretive, and reluctant to reveal their day jobs, they still stand out like a dogs dick, wherever they go anyway. They never ever fit into any social function or venue, are always nervous, or sweating too much, or glancing around as if they were undercover. Which to all intents and purposes, they are. They dress like they were picking "plain clothes" for a job, they dont ever look "casual" or "smart" or "leisurely" they always look like Police. The arrogant way they carry themselves during the day, is notable by it's half hearted attempt to disguise itself as "One of the lads" while out for a couple of pints.
If you actually get into a fight with an off duty Police Officer, you will never get charged, or arrested, as it wouldn't look good in Court, having Police out brawling in the streets like normal people do, so it's basically open season on them, if that's what floats your boat. Probably why they always look so uncomfortable.

Poor things. All they want is to be treated like regular Humans!  
But they're not! They don't want to be treated like regular Humans while on duty, so fuck 'em! They deserve everything they get, IMHO. You make a choice like that, then you shouldn't bitch about being "special and different", or "misunderstood".  

BTW, I'm not implying that your Mate is anything other than how you describe him, Cram, it's just that here, Cops are not picked for their singular personalities, and if he lived here, the chances are, he would be on the other side of the tracks. There's no room for Discordian Cops in Britain. If you want to be a ladder climbing career Police Officer, then you are restricted to the Masons. And even they have separate Police Lodges, because the regular Masons don't really want to share Lodge downtime with the "Filth". That's how "special" they are.

[Jasper]

Interesting stories.

So, I'm looking into what it takes to become an actuary.  Growing field, involves maths, seems like my kind of thing.

[BadBeast]

Interesting stories.

So, I'm looking into what it takes to become an actuary.  Growing field, involves maths, seems like my kind of thing.

Probably more rewarding, and less dangerous than Law enforcement. I say "Probably"
but I don't actually have a clue what an Actuary is. Sounds quite clever though. At least, I'm impressed. (But that's no biggy, I'm easily impressed) I'm going to go and find out what it is now, before I say anything else, that might be construed as stupid.
Er.