Dear fb, I'm dead

[frogsicle]

Facebook status: "[SQ]  loves her mommy - and all the spring wildflowers at home."
...
SG is, well was, one of the seemingly happiest, most carefree most selfless people I have ever known. It'd been a while though, since we talked in any way besides facebook. Had I not heard through the grapevine first I'd have been among those who liked this post on fb. I had no idea she wanted to die at times... although I certainly knew she was smart enough to get it right the first time.

But that's not what this is about, tears and stories were shared with friends and family, and that's all about as well as it can be.

I struggle, however, with the fb page (and I am just as guilty of this as the next person). I've never seen so many posts with meaning -- you know, more than "Happy Birthday! Hope you have a fun night!"-- Posts saying how she brightened everyone lives, how they treasured the time they could spend with her, how they wish her the best in whatever lies beyond, and more and more and more.

There were also the clueless:

"Hey [SQ], facebook says we need to catch up"
"que tal?"

And the slightly less clueless:

"S, I love you... I'm just reading this, now someone please tell me what happened!!!"

But yeah, I guess what I am getting at, why all this attention, all this love shared, when it is too late too help? Why not before?

Why could we all find time to express ourselves for a paragraph if we knew she was dead, but only a quick "what's up?" or * like * if we didn't?

How are we all so out of touch, despite being so technically speaking "in touch"?

Sorry, this is a shitty noob post... I think I'd rather be obnoxious or clueless... and I don't suppose there are really answers, but oh well, I asked anyways.

Even though I really want to/feel the need to "catch up" with people now, I don't even know where to start.

[Fujikoma]

Sad...

Very sad...

It was once put to me, in the best possible way I've encountered yet, by Infantry drill sergeants... "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."... People, who yet could contribute much, are lost so frequently to the despair inside, depriving the rest of us of all their potential... Though the situation may seem dire, if one does not see the light at the end of the tunnel, one may make such a path for themselves...

To tell the truth, the thought crosses my mind daily, but, I've learned that is just one of those things, strong though it may be, it will pass, there will be moments in the sun, and those, really, are worth the slog through the swamps of Hades to attain. There are times where I lose my way, but I get by... There are times where I've attempted, and almost succeeded, but by the grace of fortune, I am still here... It is a trap which catches many, and this does not say anything awful about their character, but at times, logic can be the enemy.

Intelligence is no guarantee of survival, that idea is idealism... In many cases, it may be an obstacle, but, understand, the obstacle may be overcome... Not by simply being stupid, which, would likely not be the case of an intelligent individual, which, paradoxically, intelligence makes it HARDER to survive, especially with the difficulties normals and the illuminati have put into place to make sure that never shall the two meet, and not simply by force of will, because even the strongest will can be broken... It is, oddly enough, by fortune, that we find ourselves exactly where we want to be, either that, or we're delusional, and what is really happening is all part of the fiction in our heads.

Whatever, I've been lectured already for getting all nutty on the boards, I really need to chill...

But it is sad to lose an unknown individual to the void... I'm sorry for the loss. From personal experience, it is likely she was desperate, and didn't take much time to think, thinking that this would be the best way to solve any real or imagined problems she may have caused... It was likely a well informed decision, but a bad one, all things considered. I live every day as if it is my last, because it may very well be, this is not to say I throw caution to the winds, but I tell my loved ones I love them, and I say my goodbyes without saying goodbye. I want people to give a shit when it's all over... And I never know when that urge will take total control.

But I still know I have much to do... There is much that, well, people seem too totally ignorant to do without me. Were that not the case, I would end it immediately... It is too bad she decided to go so early, but life can be very painful for some of us... It may be impossible for you to understand, but there is no way you can live life behind these eyes. While I cannot speak for your friend, there are times where life becomes so painful, where the future becomes so dark, that there seems to be only one way out. I am deeply sorry, but I hope you understand that she did what she thought was best.

[Freeky]

This isn't a shitty noob post at all. It had insightful bits, and felt genuine.

[Jenne]

...it's actually why I despise social networking sites.  They're a placeholder for the barest minimum of real, actual contact.  Because you read what color someone's shit was that's contact?  You clicked a button that said you "liked" what they had to say, or that they were QUOTING someone else's page?

I totally get where you're coming from frogsicle.  Mostly because it's a very sad, desolate place of "WHY OGOD WHY?" that has NO real answer.  Except that people are selfish, and they don't realize unless the person is screaming for help that there's even a problem.  There's a lot of research out there about how we are losing touch with our own humanity through technological means, and a lot of sci fi literature as well explaining the same thing.

But what it comes down to is that we are allowed to be selfish, and we take time for ourselves without counting the costs of leaving others behind who might need us or need more than a cold Facebook page.  Clarification (I'd made this earlier but lost internet connection briefly before I could hit SAVE):  calling someone or sending a note takes about as much time, in the main, as what's spent reading b.s. on Facebook, but it's a forgotten art, that of personal contact.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I hate facebook.  I have a page, but only check it every couple of weeks.  It's for high school and college friends and such.  People who are REALLY my friends or family I keep in constant contact with.

Cell and texts replaced the phone call, email replaced snail mail, facebook is just a way for a lot of people to fake interest and concern!

But, how sad is it that someone put their "suicide note" on facebook?  That is about as depressing as you can get.

[Jenne]

Depressing and DESPERATE...I mean, sorry if this is your sister or something, frog, but this is just...beyond sad. 

[Fujikoma]

Oooh... My post was terrible, well, that's what drinking will get me.

I once ate all my meds I could get ahold of (only had access to two weeks worth, for good reason), downed a liter of tequila, called an ex-girlfriend and left a message saying "It's not your fault, but, catch you on the other side." (she wasn't the cause, just one of the people I wanted to say bye to). It seems an overdose on those meds causes you to make loud noises when you are breathing, so the next thing I knew I was jarred awake by EMTs dragging me onto a litter...

The catheter was perhaps one of the most painful experiences I'd ever had in my life.

It was a bad time all around, but, had I been successful, I'd have missed out on a lot. It was a hasty decision, and it was wrong of me. It makes me sad when people succeed at such an act. I feel bad for you, and your friend.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I love the tool that Facebook represents.

Before anyone knocks "social networking" sites, keep in mind that this, and the BBSes of yore, are a type of social networking sites.

Sure, people use them for shallow shouts-out, but they also use them to organize events and keep in touch with old friends. It's not the tool that's shallow, it's the shallow people who use it shallowly.

If I wanted to tell the maximum number of friends to come to a party at my house, I'd use Facebook. Hell, that's why I'm ON Facebook. My four most recent romantic relationships happened because they either contacted me on Facebook or attended an event a friend or I posted on Facebook.

Social networking sites change the means of communicating with people, and they make it easier to keep in touch with more people more often, but they're just a tool, and a fairly good one, especially compared to, say, the postal service or even the old-fashioned voice telephone. If you don't like the shallowness of your communications on those sites, then don't use them to communicate shallowly.

And yes, it is pathetic and sad and desperate to leave your suicide note on Facebook, though not as pathetic and sad and terribly, terribly desperate as suicide itself. More friends' comments wouldn't have saved her; that's not what she was reaching out for. I don't obsessively post on my friends' profiles; nobody does, that would be weird. It's when they drop out of touch that you worry.

[Jenne]

All true, but I still detest it.

[NotPublished]

It is an awesome tool, I'm intouch with all my cousins and friends ... but theres also a time that I want to get away, and often I get in 'trouble' for not checking my facebook (alot of temper tantrums and etc), because some people can't handle not being in constant-communication.

Just like how people get annoyed at me for not answering my phone...

and op was sad

[frogsicle]

Thanks guys and sorry for the slow reply. This thing called work does get in the way internet time.

Fujikoma - 1st, glad you're still with us! 2nd, thanks, being suicidal is definitely something that's hard for me to understand, because luckily enough it's not somewhere I've ever been, but that does leave me a little clueless, so your testaments really helps (entirely coherent or not, no prob).

Mistress Freeky - yeah, I was more referring to the depressing topic, but thanks for the encouragement. It is nice to have a place to talk about sad shit without everyone raising eyebrows/freaking out.

Jenne- it's ok, not my sister. She was an amazing person, good friend and teammate, but we were out of touch, both off to different colleges. (as I said, I can claim no exception to the shallow communication, part of the reason I'm kicking myself so hard). Definitely beyond sad. Anyhow, I might just look into some of that research...

I don't believe that was the only suicide note, but it is creepy, how facebook can take over so many aspects of one's life, whether it is the need to say a blanket good bye in a public space that every one can read, the public tribute that everyone turns around and makes, the help in organizing so very many get togethers, facilitating relationships, encouraging people to "catch up", spreading the word someone got married... idk. For some purposes it's great, others it might be about the worst possible medium. For instance, I gotta feel sorry for the poor people who found out over facebook. It does make me worry about time spent on a computer vs time spent in person, but also hard to deny the utility. Gah.