To my worst friend

[Sepia]

When did you leave, when did you travel for so long into it, when did you get lost oh brother. Something happened when you let your guard down, when there was no work, no women and no drugs. There were no distractions and all you saw was life but that is now and you've been gone for so long. You were taken by the fear rather early, paranoia was something you never noticed when you were high because you were always paranoid, looking over the shoulder for a truck or an elephant, perhaps you told yourself you were just looking for something, you always had good eyes. We saw you more rarely as time passed as you delved deeper into your hole, the thing you had made for yourself, that little cave where you tried to find out how you could become something else than what you were and the closest answer you found always depressed you.

You couldn't change what you were, could you? You understood you could change what you do and that's when you forgot the question that initially brought you here. The man sitting in his high castle. Did you fight what you had become, what you knew you could never change? Was that why you stopped chasing memories and you tried to kill time before time killed you but you realized you were doing it wrong, going in a different direction and what you thought knew to be a truth was just something you once constructed, like a light version of a different mind in the same head but you didn't want to deal with any of this shit, you just wanted it over and gone with, you were breathlessly walking the beach to see the sun rise to have a memory that would linger and you did lots of shit on your own but none of the memories stuck like they seldom do

when you're out there by yourself. You have no memories now because you had no life, you were merely surviving, not living. You tried to close your eyes but you were still too smart or to curious in some fashion to sleep for the rest of this life. You are still a child in so many ways but you live in a haze you created yourself, isolated from reality but part of it and I've always loved you, I will always love you and you went from being the best to become the worst and I was there with you all the way and you showed me everything you learned and I was a tourist or atleast I hoped I was but there was always this chance that this was going to go on for longer than anticipated, there was something in the air.

We wrote your obituary once, you never knew. It was going to be a good funeral, frozen in a slice of time where your fondest memories came from. Your only memories would stand with you as we lowered you into the ground and we played your music and we honored you but there was little emotion for you had been dead for a long time. We would go to the pub or a restaurant after that and we'd have a good meal and something to drink, later on we'd crawl on to someones house and we'd sit and drink and drug and do and when it got late enough and we were all tranquilized we'd remember you and who you were, your potential as a human being and we regretted that we didn't force you away but again we remembered who you were.

[Adios]

Son of a Bitch, Sepia, you have outdone yourself on this one.

Tip-O-the hat.