WHERE THE HELL IS THE FOOTBALL THREAD?

[East Coast Hustle]

hell, I'll go through the list team-by-team so you guys can have plenty of reasons to call me an idiot at the end of the season.

(in predicted order of finish)

AFC East

New England: Defense is shaky at best, but Brady looks like he's finally fully recovered from his knee surgery and Moss is the 2nd best WR who ever played football IMO. You can afford to give up 24 points a game if you know you're going to score 30.

New Jersey Jets: Overrated. Probably a wild-card team, but talk of a super bowl run is silly. Sick D, good running backs (LDT will show us he's not washed-up this year), but can Sanchez be more than a decent game-manager, and if so, can any of his receivers actually catch the ball?

Miami: I like Chad Henne, but I'm not sure if Brandon Marshall is a plus for his freakish athletic ability or a minus for being a potential clubhouse cancer. Also not sure about the D. Could be a wild-card team, could win 6 games.

Buffalo/Toronto: Man, I feel so sorry for Bills fans.

AFC North

Baltimore: If I've got to pick the AFC representative in the super bowl, this is my pick. Flacco is going to reach the Brees/Rodgers/Rivers/Rothlisberger level this year (that's half a level below the Manning/Brady level), especially with Anquan Boldin to throw to. If you've got either of those guys or Ray Rice on your fantasy team, you're stoked (yes, I have Boldin). For the first time in recent memory, the defense will be the question mark for this team but as long as the D is adequate the Ravens look like the class of the AFC.

Cincinnati: It's not so much that the Bengals are the 2nd best team in this division as that they're the 3rd worst team in this division.

Pittsburgh: I hate these guys alot, so I'm glad they're only going to be 8-8 at best this year. Troy Polamalu's hair will make the Pro Bowl again, though. Roethlisberger is an elite QB, but who is he throwing to and/or handing off to?

Cleveland: Man, I feel really bad for Browns fans. If there's a bright spot at all for this team it's that at least this year people won't stop watching the game as soon as the Cavs tip off.

AFC South

Indianapolis: Duh. When you have the best QB in the league, you should win your division. Defense looks solid too. Looks like the 2nd best team in the AFC after Baltimore.

Houston: I think this is the year they finally get over the hump and make the playoffs, provided their key players stay healthy. The offense should light it up and the D looks good against the run. Do they have a secondary?

Tennessee: Chris Johnson might singlehandedly win you your fantasy league, but he's not going to singlehandedly win alot of games for the Titans.

Jacksonville: Everyone knows they're not going to be good, but they're going to be worse than everyone thinks. It's not their fault, it's God's wrath at having an NFL team in a 3rd-rate backwater of a city.

AFC West

San Diego: They could probably go 9-7 and win this division, which seems quite likely to actually be the case. A mediocre team in the conference's weakest division.

Kansas City: I actually like this team as a sleeper. I think they probably finish with between 7 and 9 wins, but that could be enough if SD falters and if everything goes right for them, 10-6 isn't out of the question. If they had an actual NFL QB they'd be a legitimate threat to make a deep playoff run.

Oakland: Jason Campbell is a huge upgrade at QB over a fat codeine-addicted idiot. That has to be worth 3 extra wins by itself, and in this division 6-10 is probably good enough to stay out of the cellar.

Denver: Kyle Orton is underrated as a QB. He will continue to be so given that he has absolutely nobody to throw the ball to. Unfortunately for him, what this means is that the Tim Tebow era starts in Denver once the Broncos are eliminated from the playoff hunt. This should happen by the middle of the season.

in retrospect, i did fairly well with the afc predictions.

[East Coast Hustle]

NFC East

Dallas: Yeah, they sucked in preseason. Preseason doesn't mean much. This offense is going to score ALOT of points. There are 3 teams capable of challenging the Saints for the NFC championship, and this is one of them. Deep playoff run looks almost certain, and if you're looking for a good place to lay your money on a superbowl dark horse, this is that place.

New Jersey Giants: I figure these guys are a playoff team, but not capable of beating any of the other playoff teams in the conference. That could change if one of their RBs shows any sign of being better than mediocre.

Washington: Hard to say whether the 'Skins or Giants are the next-best team in this division. I think they're nearly equals, but I trust Eli Manning when the pressure's on more than I trust Puker McNabb. Hoping for a rebound year from Portis because he's on my fantasy team, but the reality is that that's probably a fantasy in and of itself. 8-8 seems likely, but if either team ahead of them falters and McNabb shakes off his history of playing poorly under pressure a wild-card is possible.

Philadelphia: Eagles players should probably wear screens on the facemasks of their helmets to protect their faces from all the projectiles that Philly fans will be hurling at them this season. Too many changes and new faces to be a serious contender this year.

NFC North

Green Bay: The 2nd team capable of challenging the Saints for the NFC crown, and I'm not just saying that because I have Aaron Rodgers AND Greg Jennings on my fantasy team (srsly though, HOW did the guys in my league let that happen? especially in a PPR league where QB touchdowns are worth 6 instead of 4...). These guys are gonna score on everyone, and they have a very solid defense as well. 12 wins seems likely, 13 or 14 isn't out of the question.

Minnesota: Will challenge GB for the division as long as Favre stays healthy and plays like he did last year AND Adrian Peterson stays healthy all year AND Percy Harvin's migraine problems don't come back AND nobody on the defensive line gets hurt. That's too many "ands" for my liking, so I figure 10 wins and a wild-card is more realistic. If everything goes right for them, they'll be the 3rd team that could challenge the Saints in the NFC.

Detroit: This is the year they climb out of the cellar. Matthew Stafford looks like the real deal and so do Jahvid Best, which will take some pressure off of the receivers. 6 wins seems likely, and 8-8 is not out of reach for this team.

Chicago: If I were a captain in a backyard game of touch football, I still wouldn't pick Crybaby Cutler to be my QB. And even if he didn't suck, he still doesn't have anyone to throw to. If you drafted Matt Forte on your fantasy team, trade him now while his value is as high as it's going to get because everybody is gonna stack 8 in the box against Da Bears. 6 wins tops, 3 or 4 seems more realistic.

NFC South

New Orleans: By all appearances, the Saints are even BETTER than they were last year, and seem likely to be the first team to repeat as Super Bowl champions since the early 90's Cowboys. hard to find any weak spot on this team, though defensive depth could be a concern if there are a string of injuries. 13-14 wins seems likely, 10 will still be enough to win a weak division.

Atlanta: the operative word for the Falcons is "mediocre", because that's what they are at every position besides QB, RB, and WR. Matt Ryan is an above-average (though not elite) QB who has an elite RB to hand off to in Michael Turner and an elite WR to throw to in Roddy White, provided that Ryan can stay off his back and White can get open when all the safeties are keying on him in double-coverage.

Carolina: The only reason this likely 5-11 team won't finish last in the division is because...

Tampa Bay: ...these guys are even worse. Pencil them in for 3-13, which will still be an improvement over last year.

NFC West

San Francisco: Once again, 9-7 will be good enough to win the weakest division in the NFL, and SF seems most likely to be the team to reach that mark. They have a decent defense, and a mediocre offense with one of the best RBs in the NFL in Frank Gore. That should be enough to make them slightly better than the other mediocre teams in the division.

Seattle: 8-8 seems like the best this team can expect this year, and 6 or 7 wins seems more likely. With almost no chance of making the playoffs, though, you have to wonder if Pete Carrol will use this year to evaluate his young players and hope for a 3 or 4 win season and the chance to draft Jake Locker in next year's draft. Not that I've sent 3 dozen emails to that effect to the Seahawks' office or anything.

Arizona: They'd win the division if they had a QB who wouldn't be a 3rd stringer on any other team in the NFL, but that's what they have so having a good defense and the 2nd best receiver in football won't do them a lick of good.

St. Louis: I think Sam Bradford is the real deal, but he's going to need a year of seasoning before he's ready to turn this team into a contender, especially with Donnie Avery out. Expect Stephen Jackson to get ALOT of work this season, hopefully (for the Rams AND for the guy who took him in the 1st round of his fantasy draft) he stays healthy all year. If Bradford fins someone to throw to, they could win 5 or 6 games and sneak ahead of the Cardinals and maybe even the Seahakws (if the Seahawks follow my plan for them, anyway.)

[East Coast Hustle]

...aaaand could hardly have been more wrong about the nfc

[Adios]

I sick of people bitching about Jay Cutler already. His only mistake was not going to the locker room after they took him out of the game. Sitting on the bench and sulking made it look like he was healthy enough to play but was being a pussy about it.

Alienating your teammates, fans, the media and everyone you've ever met doesn't make him a sympathetic character in the first place.

In big games champions have to be dragged kicking and screaming off the field. Pussies whimper and quit.

[Suu]

3-13 on Tampa Bay, eh ECH? 


...That's okay. I figured it about the same.

[LMNO]

So, I've been avoiding football for a few weeks.


Have they announced the NFL MVP and Coach of the Year yet?

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Was it just me or did the halftime show suck ass?  I don't even think Fergie flashing a tit would have saved it.

[AFK]

Hmm, I'm not convinced.  I think we need some empirical data before we can pass proper judgment.  For Science!  of course. 

[Adios]

Was it just me or did the halftime show suck ass?  I don't even think Fergie flashing a tit would have saved it.

It sucked. Big time.

[Adios]

So, I've been avoiding football for a few weeks.


Have they announced the NFL MVP and Coach of the Year yet?

Brady is the MVP. Didn't hear the coach yet.


Oh, and Brett WHO??????

[East Coast Hustle]

Brady won MVP, Vick won Comeback Player of the Year, Bradford and Suh were offensive and defensive ROYs respectively, and if Rex Ryan doesn't win coach of the year there's no justice.

Seriously, if he doesn't get the award whoever is in charge of overseeing the voters should really put their foot down.

[Suu]

FOOTBALL IS OVER.

WE CAN HAS BASEBALL NAO.

[Adios]

FOOTBALL IS OVER.

WE CAN HAS BASEBALL NAO.

meh

[East Coast Hustle]

FOOTBALL IS OVER.

WE CAN HAS BASEBALL NAO.

Are there people who actually watch baseball?

I mean, it's like watching chess, only you have to pay $20 to be bored.

[Adios]

FOOTBALL IS OVER.

WE CAN HAS BASEBALL NAO.

Are there people who actually watch baseball?

I mean, it's like watching chess, only you have to pay $20 to be bored.

Or NASCAR.

"THEY'RE GONNA MAKE A LEFT TURN!!!!!"