Rant 48: If You Think the Problem is Bad Now...

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 48
If you think the problem is bad now,Ķ

,ÄúThis page left intentionally blank. Get over it.,Äù
-From the Revelations of the White Mouse; Chapter 3.

,ÄúAll the secrets of magick are on open display. That which is truly hidden is our own resistance to this realization.,Äù
-Phil Hine

,ÄúAnd yea, when ye have tried to blow out from thy nose thine own snot, yet it moveth not, ye shall verily know the feeling of the fnord, even unto dry itching, and ask thou of thy Goddess, ,Äúwhy?,Äù And She shall respond to thee with a mighty thump, for She is thy Goddess, the Lady Eris.  And ye shall breathe clearly again. It is a vexation upon the hearts of those who hear this, yet understand not.,Äù
-from the Book of the Tequila M??stica Cabal

,ÄúAnd he said to me ,ÄòPaper that is blank has yet to reveal revelations.,Äô And I responded ,Äòbut I asked you about socks!,Äô and watched as he walked off, sorely tempted to throw rocks.,Äù
-The White Mouse; Sessions from 2000

I took Eris,Äôs zen billy club, well,ĶShe let me take it, of course. But now she has a staff made of briar wood. And, let me tell you, briar wood hurts like hell if your skin should cross its path. But that is not what vexes me today. What vexes me is the problem. You know what problems,Ñ¢ are; those anti-chaotic manifestations of order that delude the comfortable middles-class new age people into thinking that they are learning experiences. Those sorts of things are not learning experiences, they are problems, and they are fucking-well called problems for a reason. If problems were learning experiences, we,Äôd all be Bobdamned Buddhas by now. (But don,Äôt admit this to the aforementioned new age people because their delusions can be lucrative for some of you out there, and if not that, then surely they can be a source of entertainment.) Sure there are eristic manifestations which are similar, but they are not problems,Äîthough they may be mistakes, irritations, and other random phenomena of which Murphy used to speak of before he went and became one of the Undead.

Speaking of the Undead, the certain problem which vexes me today is the apparent fundamental lack of brains around me. Now I know there is a plethora of gray matter walking around the streets and driving on the highways and that this convinces some people that there is an abundance of brains. But, my fellow Discordians, we all know that gray matter has nothing to do with intelligence or brains, no matter how intelligent-sounding the gray matter seems to be. Most of it is just rotting cabbage anyway. (The ,Äògray,Äô in ,Äògray matter,Äô should have given you a clue as to its nature.) Now, I like zombies as much as the next person, but not when they are still living breathing humans who behave like zombies. (No offense to real Undead zombies,Ñ¢ of course. I know that the comparison may piss off some of the real Undead zombies,Ñ¢, but I myself admit that the real variety tend to exhibit more brains than the general living breathing Zombie-like-people-who-don,Äôt even-know-it,Ñ¢ variety.)

I asked Eris about this problem and She told me that She didn,Äôt cause any of it. I agreed hole-heartedly, seeing as most people have chosen to ignore their pineal glands. But then Eris asked of me ,ÄúWhat are you going to do about it?,Äù I responded ,ÄúWell, seeing as you haven,Äôt given me certain super-powers, such as calling down lightning from the sky, I,Äôll have to get more vicious with the jakery.,Äù I also asked Her about Mal2,Äôs current whereabouts but She ignored that and walked off mumbling to Herself about tabasco-laden pop-tarts (which I think is sick sick sick, I,Äôll have you know).

The problem is so pervasive that, surprise surprise, even our world leaders lack brains. (Though I do have reason to suspect that the President of the United States is really Undead,Ñ¢, if not some sort of monkey that escaped from some experimental lab somewhere,Äîthe place where they probably breed all of our leaders, come to think of it. (But this parenthetical digression threatens to go on too long.)) Talk about tore-up! If that doesn,Äôt vex you, then how about the fact that everyone else believes that such world leaders are the cream of the crop for humanity? Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Now what is to be done about this problem (barring potential money we could make off of some of the new age people)? I have some of my own ideas (and the first thing that comes to mind is the one I won,Äôt say anything about because some of you seem to think that I am scary enough as it is) of which more will be revealed to you later, but you must first learn the secret handshake, and don,Äôt ask me how. What are you going to do about it? You don,Äôt have to tell me, just do it.

Rest assured that the Reformed Jihadist Participatory faction of the Discordians for Softer Sandpaper Society a.k.a. the Purple Monkey Mafia/Cabal is working hard on the problem and many entertaining things are happening which may or may not bring some enlightenment to some of the deluded souls, if we are not, in fact, deluding ourselves in another one of Eris,Äôs ,Äòfunny,Äô pranks. Heh. But because we like it when all sorts of surreal muckity muck is flying around, some of you may not understand what the hell we are doing and will be doing in the coming months. That is okay. We,Äôre not sure about it either. (But ,Äúwhen in doubt,Ķ,Äù) You,Äôre either with us,  maybe, or not. (There are probably two more choices according to the law of pentaves, but I forget them.) Reassure yourselves with the following:

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we have solved it.

(Confusion 64th, 3170)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

7 year pity bump.

[Kai]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Not a single response. 

[The Wizard Joseph]

  It's not even kind of coherent.  What was the point of this do you think?

,ÄúAll the secrets of magick are on open display. That which is truly hidden is our own resistance to this realization.folly for believing they're magic at all,Äù
-Phil Hine

Also HAD to fix that, neat quote though.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

Yeah, he posted the whole sorry saga on EB&G.  He went completely around the bend.  Thing is, she had "completed" the process, which in my own personal opinion means she's a woman that just happens to be sterile.  Maybe there's an honesty issue there, but nothing worth going absolutely apeshit over.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Not a single response. 

Well, he's still pounding out page after page of boring shit on Daven's Journal (October 11th being the most recent I've seen), and nobody reads it there, either.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

Yeah, he posted the whole sorry saga on EB&G.  He went completely around the bend.  Thing is, she had "completed" the process, which in my own personal opinion means she's a woman that just happens to be sterile.  Maybe there's an honesty issue there, but nothing worth going absolutely apeshit over.

Unless you happen to already be apeshit and are just looking for an excuse.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

Yeah, he posted the whole sorry saga on EB&G.  He went completely around the bend.  Thing is, she had "completed" the process, which in my own personal opinion means she's a woman that just happens to be sterile.  Maybe there's an honesty issue there, but nothing worth going absolutely apeshit over.

Unless you happen to already be apeshit and are just looking for an excuse.

Or unless your own sexual identity is on very shaky ground.

Me, I could lie naked in bed with Ron Jeremy and Ru Paul and talk sports.  I have loads of problems, but insecurity about what I like isn't one of them.  If someone has the right equipment, I'm game.

[Kai]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

Yeah, he posted the whole sorry saga on EB&G.  He went completely around the bend.  Thing is, she had "completed" the process, which in my own personal opinion means she's a woman that just happens to be sterile.  Maybe there's an honesty issue there, but nothing worth going absolutely apeshit over.

Link? I think it's pretty sad for his girlfriend. Though honesty like that is necessary in a long term relationship, his reaction is typical and banal, and childish.

Or unless your own sexual identity is on very shaky ground.

Me, I could lie naked in bed with Ron Jeremy and Ru Paul and talk sports.  I have loads of problems, but insecurity about what I like isn't one of them.  If someone has the right equipment, I'm game.

By equipment, I guess you mean both in the biological and industrial senses.

[Phox]

I have found that for me, all equipment is the right equipment. Fuck yeah, anything goes. 

[East Coast Hustle]

"Banal and childish" is probably the best description of Hugh anyone could come up with.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

Yeah, he posted the whole sorry saga on EB&G.  He went completely around the bend.  Thing is, she had "completed" the process, which in my own personal opinion means she's a woman that just happens to be sterile.  Maybe there's an honesty issue there, but nothing worth going absolutely apeshit over.

Link? I think it's pretty sad for his girlfriend. Though honesty like that is necessary in a long term relationship, his reaction is typical and banal, and childish.

Or unless your own sexual identity is on very shaky ground.

Me, I could lie naked in bed with Ron Jeremy and Ru Paul and talk sports.  I have loads of problems, but insecurity about what I like isn't one of them.  If someone has the right equipment, I'm game.

By equipment, I guess you mean both in the biological and industrial senses.

HEY!  That was only the one time, and it was for SCIENCE!

[Freeky]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

Yeah, he posted the whole sorry saga on EB&G.  He went completely around the bend.  Thing is, she had "completed" the process, which in my own personal opinion means she's a woman that just happens to be sterile.  Maybe there's an honesty issue there, but nothing worth going absolutely apeshit over.

Link? I think it's pretty sad for his girlfriend. Though honesty like that is necessary in a long term relationship, his reaction is typical and banal, and childish.

Or unless your own sexual identity is on very shaky ground.

Me, I could lie naked in bed with Ron Jeremy and Ru Paul and talk sports.  I have loads of problems, but insecurity about what I like isn't one of them.  If someone has the right equipment, I'm game.

By equipment, I guess you mean both in the biological and industrial senses.

HEY!  That was only the one time, and it was for SCIENCE!

....you mean three times...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Last time I heard about Hugh, someone said he had a mental breakdown after finding out that his girlfriend was a transwoman.

Yeah, he posted the whole sorry saga on EB&G.  He went completely around the bend.  Thing is, she had "completed" the process, which in my own personal opinion means she's a woman that just happens to be sterile.  Maybe there's an honesty issue there, but nothing worth going absolutely apeshit over.

Link? I think it's pretty sad for his girlfriend. Though honesty like that is necessary in a long term relationship, his reaction is typical and banal, and childish.

Or unless your own sexual identity is on very shaky ground.

Me, I could lie naked in bed with Ron Jeremy and Ru Paul and talk sports.  I have loads of problems, but insecurity about what I like isn't one of them.  If someone has the right equipment, I'm game.

By equipment, I guess you mean both in the biological and industrial senses.

HEY!  That was only the one time, and it was for SCIENCE!

....you mean three times...

Well, sure, in the sense that WWI and WWII were technically different wars.