Doktor Howl's Secret Enemies List, with commentary.

[Doktor Howl]

Fred:  She's evil, and ALWAYS the bad guy in werewolf, etc, games, and gets ME lynched.

Nigel:  She's right too often.  She should be wrong more.  Also, Welsh.

RWHN:  Beardo.  'nuff said.

Doktor Alphapance:  Has more fabulous friends than I do.  Has a more evil job than I do.

Doktor Blight:  Irish.

Faust:  Irish.

Cudgel:  Changes his name too often.  Also, Welsh.

ECH:  Has a cooler job than me.

Cain:  Gets to abuse rich kids for a living.

Doktor Semaj:  Canadian.

Payne:  Canadian.

Pixie:  Partially Irish.  Also, fucking up monsoon season.

Johnny:  Reminds me of Leslie Gore ballads.

Ippie:  Has more guns than me, from appearances.

TGG:  Tries to kill me.

Nurse Enabler:  Tries to kill me.

Freeky:  Blames me for everything that happens in Tucson.

(More to follow.)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

 

I'll be on guard against sabotage then.

[Payne]

Payne:  Canadian.

But I really tried to be better

In Scotland, granted, but I tried.

[Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ]

i get you lynched FOR GOOD REASON!!!! and i was only bad once 

[Remington]

I am safe... for now.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I am safe... for now.

No, you're definitely Canadian.

[Doktor Howl]

I am safe... for now.

No, I'm dealing with paperwork for an employee injury.  You're definitely on that list, Canuckistani.

[Remington]

I am safe... for now.

No, you're definitely Canadian.

You have no proof. I am a landed Salazorian immigrant.

[Doktor Howl]

Remington:  Canadian.

Remington's sister:  Gratuitous photobombing.  Also Canadian.

Remington's Gram:  Tempting Cramulous to do bad things with MS Paint.

Richter:  Having more bladed objects than me.

Suu:  Pretending to be Italian.

Doktor Vitriol:  Won't come to Tucson to party, eats haggis when I can't.

Triple Zero:  Pretends that his country is the Netherlands or Belgium, when it's really Groingroan or some shit.

Notpublished:  Abandoned me when I needed him the most.

Dimo:  Isn't pretending to be Italian.  IS Italian.

PoD:  Named after a bad band.

EoC:  Parks illegally.

Squid:  Drinks beer when I can't.

More to follow.

[Remington]

I am safe... for now.

No, you're definitely Canadian.

You have no proof. I am a landed Salazorian immigrant.

[Phox]

PoD:  Named after a bad band.

There's a bad band named after me! 

[Doktor Howl]

Sigmatic:  Never wrote me back.

Sister Gothique:  Ran away and left me alone in Tucson.  IS responsible for all bad things that happen here.

Vanilla Ice:  No comment could do this justice.

VyrVK:  Has no vowels.  Might be Welsh.

Aries Gurl:  Spells girl with a u.

GPOO:  Likes anime and manga, makes me feel old because she doesn't know who PT Barnum was.

Lizzay:  Won't come party with me in Tucson.

Nast:  Refused job offer as henchman.

Kai:  Murders bugs like he was a one man Dachau.

More to follow.

[Doktor Howl]

I am safe... for now.

No, you're definitely Canadian.

You have no proof. I am a landed Salazorian immigrant.

You have the standard Western Canadian haircut.  Don't try to fool me.

[The Wizard]

Dammit Howl, I'm a Doktor not a Canadian!

[Doktor Howl]

Charley Brown:  Insults speed limit signs.

Babylon Horuv:  Uses "coitus" when "fuck" will do.  Also stole Chef's bit about Aztec Gods.

Ratatosk:  uses emotes wrong.

Enki:  Enki.

Kel:  Ignores bad WOMPs of her.

Cramulous:  Insufficient WOMPing.  Kicks cancer babies.  May be a self-loathing diabetic.

Khara:  Tells me not to do dumb things that seem like fun ahead of time.

Jenne:  Tells me not to do dumb things that seem like fun ahead of time.

Iason:  Mugs old ladies, beats retarded kids, bested me at ferret-legging.

More to follow.