Slow Time in Fat City™, part 8: A Kindler, Gentler PD.

[Doktor Howl]

One of my favorite movies as a kid was Judge Roy Bean, a "hanging judge" Western based (very) loosely on a real man, "The Only Law West of the Pecos".  Judge Roy Bean was a character who saw everything in black and white...Either you were innocent, and walked, or you were guilty, and hanged (For damn near any offense, at least in the movie.  In real life, it wasn't nearly so dramatic).  Trials were conducted in the taproom of his bar, with the locals acting as a jury.

Basically, think of it as the ultimate perversion of the US justice system.

Eventually, a lawyer moved onto the scene, alongside the general increase in civilization and infrastructure, and the lawyer put an end to the summary justice.  Real trials replaced the taproom lynchmob, and the area joined the rest of the nation in having an approximation of the rule of law.  Judge Roy Bean was put out to pasture, and you didn't really feel sympathetic toward him, no matter how maudlin the director made the background music.

Why is this relevant?

For 8 years, PD has hazed the shit out of new people, solely on tradition and cheap yuks.  I have, alongside Hunter S Durden, ECH, and a few others, usually led the charge.  In my opinion, it served a purpose...It shook up new people, and separated the sheep from the goats, like Jesus is supposed to do on judgement day.  He gets to keep the sheep, we get to keep the goats.  Everybody is happy.

But I am told, once again, that while it may be fun to crap all over people when they walk in the door, it is also wrong.  I am told that we should be nice to people when they arrive, to maximize new users.  Quantity over quality, is my take on it, but I am not exactly an authority on either.

Why fight it?  I could be wrong, after all.  Who knows?  There could be a brace of fresh-faced, brand new people just waiting until it's safe to stick their heads in the door and join the party.  Maybe we need pinealists and expert Discordians.  Perhaps the trolls troll because we just don't love them enough.

Maybe I'm just a bitter old fart whose time has passed, like Judge Roy Bean...Who, after all, was just trying to have a good time, much like myself.  Maybe it IS time to leave the hazing out, and stop charging dues.  It worked for blues music, right?  Personally, I think that part of the PD experience IS that hazing, but I appear to be outmoded and obsolete, at least with respect to this subject.

In any case, I am too broken down to fight about it anymore, anyway.  I'm fucking tired.  I've spent 8 years screaming, and my voice is raw.  It's time to let someone else pick up the torch, and we'll see if fluffy white clouds and pink bunnies and shit like that make this place more to this generation's liking.

If the lawyer is right, then things will improve, and you'll have a kindler, gentler, safer PD.  If not, you'll be listening to Ruby and folks like her for the rest of your life.

As for me, I'm going to get my rock n roll on.  You know where to find me...Screaming down that Lost Highway in an unsafe vehicle, swilling cheap whiskey and jabbering on cactus, while Freeky and Nurse Enabler curse me and beat me with meat hammers.  

Don't you wish you were me?

Okay forever,
Dok

[Nephew Twiddleton]

OK forever makes me feel very uneasy...

[Doktor Howl]

OK forever makes me feel very uneasy...

Oh, I'm not going anywhere.  I used up my quota of flounces in 2007.

I've just spoken my piece, is all.  I've said everything I had to say.  Time to let some fresh blood jabber.

Time to let someone else be the heavy, if that is required.  I am, however, assured that it isn't.

[Adios]

I am very Happy™ with this recent turn of events.

[Phox]

Jeez, who took the piss and vinegar out of you two? Do I have to post some subjectivist bullshit again? The barstool would feel better than this.... lovefest.

[Adios]

Jeez, who took the piss and vinegar out of you two? Do I have to post some subjectivist bullshit again? The barstool would feel better than this.... lovefest.

But I love you. Being angry is so much work.

[Phox]

Jeez, who took the piss and vinegar out of you two? Do I have to post some subjectivist bullshit again? The barstool would feel better than this.... lovefest.

But I love you. Being angry is so much work.

Damn you Hawk! Get angry! Your barstool couldn't hurt me if I just believed it couldn't. Your reality doesn't affect me at all, because you are a figment of my imagination! Now hit me with a barstool, goddamnit! 

[Adios]

I have consulted with my Happy™.

Attn Hawk:
Currently your Anger™ is unavailable for access. Please try again later, or if you think this message is in error click here to get a second opinion from your Unicorn.

Sorry Phox, Access to Anger denied.

[Phox]

I have consulted with my Happy™.

Attn Hawk:
Currently your Anger™ is unavailable for access. Please try again later, or if you think this message is in error click here to get a second opinion from your Unicorn.

Sorry Phox, Access to Anger denied.

Well, damn. I guess I will just have to harass the new folks. Maybe form a posse. Hmm...

[Adios]

Go in peace.

Love,
Hawk

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Phox-
CB and Howl have earned their rest. Seriously. I've only been here since Feb, and they've done more than they have to in that time. Why agitate further? Let ECH be the heavy, and let CB and Howl enjoy just being members, wisemen even.

[Adios]

Yeah, I'm tired.

[Doktor Howl]

Phox-
CB and Howl have earned their rest. Seriously. I've only been here since Feb, and they've done more than they have to in that time. Why agitate further? Let ECH be the heavy, and let CB and Howl enjoy just being members, wisemen even.

This.

Of course there is a SMALL risk that my hate gland will actually block up, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

[Adios]

Phox-
CB and Howl have earned their rest. Seriously. I've only been here since Feb, and they've done more than they have to in that time. Why agitate further? Let ECH be the heavy, and let CB and Howl enjoy just being members, wisemen even.

This.

Of course there is a SMALL risk that my hate gland will actually block up, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Me too, after all, neither of us can die.

[Doktor Howl]

Phox-
CB and Howl have earned their rest. Seriously. I've only been here since Feb, and they've done more than they have to in that time. Why agitate further? Let ECH be the heavy, and let CB and Howl enjoy just being members, wisemen even.

This.

Of course there is a SMALL risk that my hate gland will actually block up, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Me too, after all, neither of us can die.

Yes, and this is too important to be stopped for the mere possibility of collateral damage.