An Open letter to America.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Written in The Spirit by The Good Reverend Roger.

"And the Pipe-Faced Idiot did say unto the spags, 'Go forth, go to all the forums and the Facebook pages and yea, even unto IRL, and smite the heathen, so they might learn, and profit thereby.  And should they not learn, smite them again, so that they might wake the hell up.  And if they still shall not learn, smite them yet a third time, for cheap kicks.'"
- Inscription on the North wall of The Halls of Payne, circa ~ 20 years before collapse

Dear America™,

I told you to Kill Me, and you didn't.  I DEMANDED you Kill Me, and you didn't.  Eventually, I was forced to do it myself...But you couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?  No, you fucked around and played the Stupid Game until the very Earth expelled me, to punish you for your sins.

First let me say that I am not particularly happy about this, having found my dirt nap to be very relaxing.  For this, you shall pay.

Second, let it be known that The Fucking Around is pretty much over.  This nation shall be set to rights, or I'll know the reason why.  This may involve biblical plagues, stun guns, rubber truncheons, hobnail boots, cannibalism, and funeral-crashing, but these are risks that I am prepared to take.

Look at yourselves.  Take a good, long look at what you've become.  You are the nation that thought Harry Reid or Sharron Angle (take your pick, pull your lever) were acceptable people to run your government.  You are the people that worry about which politician is Gay or Not Quite Christian Enough or insufficiently concerned about <insert pet cause>, while your roads and bridges fall apart and your children's schools edit out anything resembling science and the "suspect" founders (Thomas J, we hardly knew ye).

You are a nation of fools.

You do not deserve the good things you have.

So this is the Time of Scourging.  Your institutions of religion and government have failed you, but we in First Church of the Wrath of Baby Jesus™ shall not.  Eris sent us to piss you off, and that's just what we aim to do.

Be advised, The Good Reverend Roger is back, and ready to rumble.

You should have left me to rest in peace, suckers.

Or Kill Me.

[Freeky]

FUCK YEAH!

[Cuddlefish]

Yes, yes, a thousand times,yes!

[Richter]

"If they cannot see, let them eat their eyes." - The Cannibal corpse of Marie Anntionette

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yes, yes, a thousand times,yes!

This nation needs religion.  OUR religion.

TGRR,
Thinks Oklahoma was worried about the wrong things.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

"If they cannot see, let them eat their eyes." - The Cannibal corpse of Marie Anntionette

It is time for you to once again take up The Rebar of Correction, Richter. 

There is much work to be done.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Oh, fucking god.

We're in for it now, aren't we?



No sense denying the inevitable, I guess. It may be More Fun Than We Really Wanted, but fucking hell if I won't try to force it all down until I puke.

[Cramulus]

HE LIVES

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh, fucking god.

We're in for it now, aren't we?



No sense denying the inevitable, I guess. It may be More Fun Than We Really Wanted, but fucking hell if I won't try to force it all down until I puke.

The scales have fallen from my eyes, Cainad.  There is no more TIME for indulging in secular matters.

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

 

[AFK]

That's the fucking Swagger^tm right there. 

It's time to get back to work. 

[Cainad (dec.)]

Oh, fucking god.

We're in for it now, aren't we?



No sense denying the inevitable, I guess. It may be More Fun Than We Really Wanted, but fucking hell if I won't try to force it all down until I puke.

The scales have fallen from my eyes, Cainad.  There is no more TIME for indulging in secular matters.

Hence why I continued to be a Man of the Cloth, even after you got booted from this world and Science took its seat upon the throne.


Man will always need its prophets, its spiritual advisers, its screeching spewers of horrible, horrible TruthLies. Discordianism and the First Church of the Wrath of Baby Jesus are here to provide the world with BETTER Lies than what common religions can give them.

I would be lying if I said I was ready for the coming times. Now where did I put my helmet?

[Richter]

Yea, and the Idiot Monkey jabbered once, in his idiocy.  It jabbered upon what it thought was important, and flung it's poop at what it though mattered.

"OK", said the teachers, "let us show you the other things.  See them and comprehend them, and then think again how you throw."

And the idiot monkey jabbered and laughed.  It laughed at the ruin of others and the ruin of itself, and again threw poop in its ignorance, carring not to learn more.

"Aw hell", said the teachers.  "That's all worthless.  get with the program."

The idiot moneky only hooted and howled at the vexation on the teacher's faces.  It capered about making mischeif for all, and lsitening only to other monkeys.  Generally, it fucked up the joint in the process.  Then the rebar of correction wrapped loving around its occipital lobe, and the monkey knew no more.

"Fuck it." said the teachers.  "Not in MY house.", as they cleaned the rebar, and set it's forgivingly bendable steel true for the next skull.

[The Wizard]

Ha, ha, ha! We're in for it now!



Things are going to get interesting

[Cuddlefish]

I left my cave recently.

I've seen it, with my own two eyes. The void. It answers when asked, but its answers are questions. I spent some time there, recently, looking into the void looking into me, asking questions to its question-responses only to be responded to in questions.

Time passed, mere months here on Earth, but a small, self contained eternety in the vast emptiness of the void. Madness sets in. Cold madness. The scathing frost broke away my brittle human soul. The madness. Forever.

Until the madness broke into Clarity, and the fragile human soul was replaced by Purpose. And it was then that I was expelled from this mountain top, reuinted with the eagle and the serpent, I swelled with an energy. An energy beyond the need for primitive words and arbitrary explainations, a purpose which is its own. A voice which says, "No more Past! No more present! Now we build a bridge into the future!"

And it also says, "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"