ITT: Original Sex Toys

[Cramulus]

First off: congratulate Eve on her new job selling sex toys

Then, more importantly: we're brainstorming up new toys Eve can suggest at her staff meetings.




Here's #1:

it's a mug

and you pee in it

then you drink the pee



Here's #2:

The bong-plug.

it's both a butt plug and a bong.

The slogan:  "take a rip from your lover's butt!"


ECH pointed out that you could actually smoke butt hash with it. FINALLY! consumerism has provided a solution.






I'm wondering if I'm actually any good at this.

[Cain]

Basically, all you need to do is to visit your local medieval reenactment society, steal all the weapons and "replica" torture devices and market them for the BDSM crowd.

[Cramulus]

okay okay okay okay

this one is classy

it's a vibrating champagne bottle

you jam it into your lover (any orifice will do), then flip the switch and it begins to vibrate. As he/she approaches climax, you twist a little knob and the cork pops off at 65 km per hour. Instantly, everybody is soaking wet.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

oh my 

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Here's #2:

The bong-plug.

it's both a butt plug and a bong.

The slogan:  "take a rip from your lover's butt!"

Beaver Bongs already exist... Google can provide details (NSFW)

[Cramulus]

It's a dunking booth

except that the pool is filled with pee


okay so it's like a dunking booth

but instead of throwing baseballs at the target

you just throw them directly at your lover. There's no cage or fence to protect him/her.





Wait wait wait cages are extremely sexy.

So there's a cage. And your throwing baseballs as hard as you can at the cage, and that riles up the wild dogs that are also in the cage.




Is that sexy or what?

hmmmmmmmm but it's kind of a narrow market, not everybody is into being attacked by wild beasts


Okay

So when you hit the target, the lover doesn't get dumped out of the cage and into the water, the entire cage gets dunked into the pool.
EDIT TO ADD: thereby causing your lover to drown




fucking BONER TIME, am I right?

[Cramulus]

What about food that you eat off your lover's body? people seem to love that shit.

but people stick to such traditional things to eat off their lover: whipped cream, strawberries, maple syrup...


people need excitement

they crave something new



they crave

BODY CHEETOS

you cover your lover in sticky orange dust

and then you rub them down with an erotic sanitary napkin

[Cramulus]

body fondue... you cover your lover in molten cheese or chocolate, then scoop it up using cock shaped fruits and vegetables

[Eater of Clowns]

What about food that you eat off your lover's body? people seem to love that shit.

but people stick to such traditional things to eat off their lover: whipped cream, strawberries, maple syrup...


people need excitement

they crave something new



they crave

BODY CHEETOS

you cover your lover in sticky orange dust

and then you rub them down with an erotic sanitary napkin

[Eve]

All excellent suggestions. I will make careful note.

[Cramulus]

you know how porn stars fuck with their shoes on?

now YOU can feel like a DOUBLE porn star, with new

HIGH HEELS FOR YOUR HANDS


also

FISHNET STOCKINGS FOR YOUR ARMS



also also also

BRASSIERES FOR YOUR BUTT

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Cramulus is gonna make me choke on my hummus

[Cramulus]

BUTT STICK

no! it's not what you think!

it's lipstick for your sphincter!

[Cramulus]

which leads me to:

press on fingernails

designed for genitals!

[Eve]

BUTT STICK

no! it's not what you think!

it's lipstick for your sphincter!

VERY MARKETABLE. Does it come in a range of colors? Super glossy? Taste good?