ITT: Original Sex Toys

[Rumckle]

Being Festive Never Felt So Good!

[Freeky]

The Cone!

Fully sized, regulation safety orange, this cone is all the fun of a construction site without the hassle of congested traffic!

NOW WITH REFLECTOR TAPE!

[Don Coyote]

The Cone!

Fully sized, regulation safety orange, this cone is all the fun of a construction site without the hassle of congested traffic!

NOW WITH REFLECTOR TAPE!

Sir Reginald approves this message.

[Richter]

- A paddle with interchangeable inserts for short spike, prickly hairs, or other surfaces designed to stimulate bound extremities.  The inserts will be the standardized size of 3x5 index cards.  This way, those whishing to try a non - commercially available surfaces can make their own.

- Tactical Insertables.  Featuring additional weight for use as an impact tool (Ha HA!), retention straps, enhanced gripping surfaces, knuckle dusters, and TACTICOOL COLORS (pixelated camo, coyote brown, ACU gray, black).  These are the perfect accesory for when your kinky play is interupted by a home invasion, or love in the war zone.
(Available with the patented Slickmatte^tm finish.  Nonreflective as not to give away your position or your dirty deeds, but still perfectly smooth for you lover's comfort.)

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

ScrotaLamp

It's a miniature lava lamp, only instead of the "lava" you stuff your painted nutsack into it.

Guaranteed to brighten your amateur sex videos.

[Richter]

The Elder Gag:  A ball gag and head - harness bedecked with multiple silicone tentacles.

[Eater of Clowns]

The Elder Gag:  A ball gag and head - harness bedecked with multiple silicone tentacles.

ITT we find out that "Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn," is ball-and-gag for "Richter, what did we choose for safe word again?'

[BabylonHoruv]

body fondue... you cover your lover in molten cheese or chocolate, then scoop it up using cock shaped fruits and vegetables

This might actually sell.

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

I would have tried to invent a female equivalent, but I lack the brain damage to even conceive of such a thing.  I leave it in the capable hands of PD.

Basically two double ended strap ons connected together and with padlocks.

[Jasper]

 

MADNESS

[Richter]

The Elder Gag:  A ball gag and head - harness bedecked with multiple silicone tentacles.

ITT we find out that "Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn," is ball-and-gag for "Richter, what did we choose for safe word again?'

[Richter]

Remember the "Snakelight"?  It was a flashlight with a flexible tube body so you could wrap it around stuff. One of those, but with a vibe on one end, and a fleshlight on the other. 

...Since this CAN technically fuck itself, I think it should be called the "Ouroboros"

[Suu]

Fread makes my face hurt.   

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

A theramin butt blug, especially for Cram.

[Richter]

A theramin butt blug, especially for Cram.