Fear of the Dark

[Phox]

I have a phobia, a fear of the Dark.

But it is not what you would expect. I used to fear the Dark in the literal sense. Dark things in the night. Lovecraftian terrors, ghosts 'n' goblins, demons and spirits, the boogeyman and Freddy Krueger.  But that all changed not so very long ago. I was pulling out of a gas station on my way home for the night, when I looked over at one of the other cars. There was a young man, probably my age or maybe a little older, standing next to the driver's side window. He was talking rapidly, and looking from side to side nervously. Then I noticed he had a gun. He was waving it in the poor driver's face, and she looked afraid for her life.  He looked up, and he saw me looking. So he started waving the gun faster, urging her to get out, I guess, but he kept looking at me. I fumbled for my phone and got it out and then.... I dropped it in the floorboard and drove away. I didn't do a goddamn thing. And I've regretted it ever since. i should have called the police. Gotten out and helped, done anything but walk away... why did I walk away?

I have not gotten a satisfactory answer. I was scared, yes. But that has never stopped me before. So what was it? What stopped me?

Since that day, I have watched the shitty things people do to each other. Every day. The derogatory names people call each other. The violence that is a part of daily interaction. And let's not even start on the news. But I suppose it was Thursday night that this point was driven home for me. My younger brother was supposed to bring me money for gas, because I was not going to make it back home otherwise, but he wanted to go eat with his friends first. Fine and dandy. I was supposed to meet him at the book store, so i got in my car and started it up. I ran out of gas before I got out of the parking garage. There was a speed bump right at the exit that I rolled over before the car stopped completely. So, I called my brother and told him what happened and he said he was on his way with the money, but there was still the problem of where I could get gas. I called a friend who agreed to bring me a gallon, or two. Enough to get me to the gas station down the road. She had offered to bring more, but I said that would be enough.  Truthfully, I didn't know how long it would take my brother to get there, so i had borrowed $5 from another friend to pay for a couple gallons so I could meet him. But none of that is so important. What is important is that for 45 minutes, I was trying to push my car over this speed bump to get it out of the way so other people could get out of the garage. No one helped me. There were people going in and out of the garage, people walking by, people across the way. No one took a second out of their day to give me a hand. My brother arrived and he started helping me, but his jackass friend didn't. We got it half way over, but we couldn't get it over the rest of the way. As luck would have it, at that moment, a car full of frat boys pulled up next to us and asked if we needed any help. I said we did and they piled out and pushed the car out of the way and asked if we needed anything else, and I said no, I had someone bringing me gas. I thanked them and they went on their way, and about 20 minutes later I was back about my business with a full tank of gas.

So,  I came to my answer at last. There are precious few people in the world who actually care enough to do something to help someone in trouble. I thought I was one, but apparently I am not.  I proved that a few months ago. Maybe the situation was different, maybe those guys wouldn't have helped the lady. Bullshit. Would i have tried to help someone whose car was dead if I didn't know who they were? Maybe. I don't know. I don't fucking know.

This is the darkness of humanity. Apathy, lack of empathy. I want to conquer the Dark in myself, but I don't really know if I can. Can I help someone that i've never met before, and probably will never see again, just because they need help? Can I take time out of my day, to help someone, even if I'm busy and I have time constraints? I just don't know.

Phox,
Not Okay

[Nephew Twiddleton]

To be fair, guns change the dynamic of everything. He might have come after you. You can't know what would have happened if you called the cops. Your own life was at risk there, and though you feel bad about it, it's nothing you should really fault yourself on.

[Phox]

Doesn't really change the fact that people are shitty, and I don't know if I would help someone even if a gun wasn't involved.

[Triple Zero]

So what's stopping you from deciding here and now to BE that helpful person?

I always thought I was a helpful person like that, but not until last year and these two guys that came from across the street (500ft) to check out a small orange flickering light in my window and probably saved me and my flatmate's fucking lives, that this became a serious vow, that I would not let indecisiveness or even (healthy amounts of) slight danger get in the way of doing something very important for another.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Doesn't really change the fact that people are shitty, and I don't know if I would help someone even if a gun wasn't involved.

Perhaps, but, because you are uncertain about what you would do now, means that in the future when someone needs your assistance again, you're more likely to help them.

[Phox]

So what's stopping you from deciding here and now to BE that helpful person?

I always thought I was a helpful person like that, but not until last year and these two guys that came from across the street (500ft) to check out a small orange flickering light in my window and probably saved me and my flatmate's fucking lives, that this became a serious vow, that I would not let indecisiveness or even (healthy amounts of) slight danger get in the way of doing something very important for another.

That's why I wrote it out and posted it here. Because I WANT to be helpful. I WANT to do things differently and help people because they need it. I don't want to be a shitty person.

Doesn't really change the fact that people are shitty, and I don't know if I would help someone even if a gun wasn't involved.

Perhaps, but, because you are uncertain about what you would do now, means that in the future when someone needs your assistance again, you're more likely to help them.

That's what I'm hoping for. And by writing it down, I'm hoping that i will take the lesson to heart.

[Death]

Someone I know posted this on Facebook, this made me think of it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW8BZ7pRt28

I used to also somewhat shy away from something terrible I see, but I've done my best to overcome that because if you were that person you would hope and pray for someone to come help.  But Doktor Blight has a point, and I don't quite understand why this is but guns really DO change the whole dynamic of a situation.  It would be different if you saw someone beating someone else up just with their fists.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Someone I know posted this on Facebook, this made me think of it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW8BZ7pRt28

I used to also somewhat shy away from something terrible I see, but I've done my best to overcome that because if you were that person you would hope and pray for someone to come help.  But Doktor Blight has a point, and I don't quite understand why this is but guns really DO change the whole dynamic of a situation.  It would be different if you saw someone beating someone else up just with their fists.

It's the knowledge they might shoot you. A knife would have a similar effect, unless you had something fairly heavy and had a good and accurate throwing arm. If you see a gun, all you're thinking about is that gun and not wanting to be on the wrong end of it.

[Triple Zero]

So what's stopping you from deciding here and now to BE that helpful person?

I always thought I was a helpful person like that, but not until last year and these two guys that came from across the street (500ft) to check out a small orange flickering light in my window and probably saved me and my flatmate's fucking lives, that this became a serious vow, that I would not let indecisiveness or even (healthy amounts of) slight danger get in the way of doing something very important for another.

That's why I wrote it out and posted it here. Because I WANT to be helpful. I WANT to do things differently and help people because they need it. I don't want to be a shitty person.

Awesome! Good on you!

I said it cause you sounded quite unsure about it, and I wondered why, but this is a good decision

[Phox]

So what's stopping you from deciding here and now to BE that helpful person?

I always thought I was a helpful person like that, but not until last year and these two guys that came from across the street (500ft) to check out a small orange flickering light in my window and probably saved me and my flatmate's fucking lives, that this became a serious vow, that I would not let indecisiveness or even (healthy amounts of) slight danger get in the way of doing something very important for another.

That's why I wrote it out and posted it here. Because I WANT to be helpful. I WANT to do things differently and help people because they need it. I don't want to be a shitty person.

Awesome! Good on you!

I said it cause you sounded quite unsure about it, and I wondered why, but this is a good decision

Thanks, Trip. I appreciate the support. 

[Phox]

Someone I know posted this on Facebook, this made me think of it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW8BZ7pRt28

I used to also somewhat shy away from something terrible I see, but I've done my best to overcome that because if you were that person you would hope and pray for someone to come help.  But Doktor Blight has a point, and I don't quite understand why this is but guns really DO change the whole dynamic of a situation.  It would be different if you saw someone beating someone else up just with their fists.

Started to watch the vid but I only got about 10 minutes in so far. I like the analogy. But I think there are more wolves than sheepdogs, tbh.

[Death]

Someone I know posted this on Facebook, this made me think of it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW8BZ7pRt28

I used to also somewhat shy away from something terrible I see, but I've done my best to overcome that because if you were that person you would hope and pray for someone to come help.  But Doktor Blight has a point, and I don't quite understand why this is but guns really DO change the whole dynamic of a situation.  It would be different if you saw someone beating someone else up just with their fists.

Started to watch the vid but I only got about 10 minutes in so far. I like the analogy. But I think there are more wolves than sheepdogs, tbh.

Yeah I didn't even watch past the point where I understood the main point of the video.  Yeah there are far more wolves than sheepdogs, and even by sitting back and doing nothing you become part of the problem. 

[BadBeast]

There's always going to be the over riding factor of self-preservation in scenarios like this.  The danger level involved here (gun) is considerable, and the amount of aid you can actually render in a situation like this is negligible. The feeling of shock afterwards makes you question whether you actually saw what you saw, and the mind tends to block it out. Almost as if any action on your part would add to the reality of something, that the shock factor is actively saying didn't happen. It's always a revelation when put on the spot like this, that we perhaps don't react in a way we like to think we would,when imagining such a scenario, and a tough call  to  make. The first time I was threatened with a knife, My mind almost refused to see the knife suddenly appear in my opponent's hand, but my body reacted by slapping the blade out of his hand, and knocking him down. But if I had known he was going to pull a knife before getting into the altercation, I would never have stepped in in the first place.  (To help someone else) Luckily he had no idea what to do with the knife after pulling it out, and just expected me to back away. And if I had been thinking instead of acting, that's just what I would have done. So I surprised myself. But you never know how you'll react in any given situation. 

[Placid Dingo]

http://thenextquarter.blogspot.com/2006/03/in-unlikely-event-of-water-landing.html
This is what the conversation makes me think of.

[BadBeast]

It's that third rule that seems to be the one people have trouble with. Especially if there's someone else who can (presumably) take the responsibility.

Apparently, a rape victim is far more likely to get help, if she screams "FIRE!" rather than "RAPE!" Which is really appalling.