INTRO TO THE BETC. LISTEN CLOSE, FREAKS - I'M ONLY SAYING IT ONCE.

[Epimetheus]

First of all:
WE WELCOME ALL NEW MEMBERS! (JUST KIDDING, YOU DUMB FLESHBAG!)

Hello and sit your ass down! Welcome to
THE BEWILDERMENTARIAN END-TIMES CABAL!

What's that? YOU AIN'T ONE OF US?? WELL THEN, BREAD MADE FROM YOUR BONES SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TO ME, SUCKER!


TRUUTH IS: THERE IS NO ESCAPING BEWILDERMENT. THUS THE BEWILDERMENTARIAN IS DEDICATED TO PILING ON THE BEWILDERMENT SO HIGH, AND MAKING IT SO IN-YOUR-FACE, THAT YOU FINALLY REALIZE IT'S THERE, DOGDAMMIT!

Those who CAN'T keep up will drown in Bewilderment when the Apolkalypse comes, as described in the Book of Revellatio.

"The End-Times will be full of such harmonious screaming; such wonderful bleeding from such a curious variety of orifices."
- Eris at a Mt. Olympus party, after a few ambrosias.



As the old masters said, "Peace Through Bewilderment."

Interesting fact: All children have a toto (totem, guardian angel, spirit guide), which is a companion
that usually leaves sometime in childhood. (This departure of the toto is called toto recall.)
Most kids know of their totos; skepdiks call them "imaginary friends."
WE SAY: "Yeah, they ARE imaginary. SO WHAT?!?"

Look. ALL WE'RE TRYING TO SAY IS THAT YOU HAVE TOO MUCH MIND, AND YOU NEED TO LOSE SOME OF IT.
LOSE YOUR MIND OR WE'LL LOSE IT FOR YOU, JACK!


In the realm of Dog*, wisdom = money. We are only trying to make you wise, and thus make you RICH in WISDOM!!! Only in this way can you become a Wise Man. Maybe someday you can even become a Wise Ass!


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This preachery has been a service of the Bewildermentarian End-Times Cabal.
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*INFO ON OUR TRITHEON. THE B.E.T.C. RECOGNIZES THE HOLY TRIARCHY: ERIS, DOG, and the HEAD HONCHO.

Eris is CHAOS INCARNATE, and the most irreligious goddess you never had the horror of meeting. She helps us to see the absurreality of our lives. Most importantly she helps us to LAUGH at the whole shebang.
Some Erisians think that the Eris of the Olde Bewilderment (ancient Greeks) and the Eris of the New Bewilderment (Principia Discordia) are two separate deities. This idea is known as Gnostrilism, and Gnostrils are BURNABLE HERETICS.

By the way...Eris...Evis...Elvis. IT'S NOT A COINCIDENCE.

Dog is THE HOLEE SPEERIT THAT INFORMS AND FLOWS THROUGH ALL THINGS, INCLUDING YOUR SWEAT, YOUR SHIT, AND FIGHTIN' JESUS. ALSO, "DOG BARKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS" IS OUR GO-TO ANSWER FOR ANY QUESTION WE HAVEN'T SOLVED YET.
"I AM THAT I AM A USEFUL FICTION." - The Lord Dog, Excitus 3:14

The Head Honcho is the enthroned JHVH-Sky God. Some kind of combo of Odin, Tyr, and Thor.
HEY, I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE NORSE WORSHIPPED A COMBINED GOD CALLED ODINTYRTHOR! THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY DIDN'T, LOSER!

May Dog lick and preserve you.
May the Head Honcho give you amazing fucking superpowers.
And may Eris fuck your mind.

[The Wizard]

Nice. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

As pinealism goes, that was beautifully presented in a timeless and classic style.

[Cainad (dec.)]

[Salty]

Oooooh.
This would make a great pamphlet.
If I find the time and my computer doesn't get a case of candyass I will do it if that's all right.

[Death]

Oooooh.
This would make a great pamphlet.

Concur'd.

[Epimetheus]

Thank you guys (I feel so loved  ). I wrote this on the bus home (you should see the notebook page - it looks like a madman's scribblings from a movie). Something about urban routine fills a lad with semi-pineal creativity, I guess.

Yes, Alty, that's fine.
Y'all do whatever you want with this, no derivatives (PM me), no money involved and share alike.

Oh and I just recieved my Doktorate in the mail. 

[Cain]

As pinealism goes, that was beautifully presented in a timeless and classic style.

I would in fact suggest that this is Pinealism done right.

[Cramulus]

As pinealism goes, that was beautifully presented in a timeless and classic style.

I would in fact suggest that this is Pinealism done right.

QFT!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

After reading the first line, I dropped my pance behind my desk and enjoyed the rest.

I may have traumatized the janitor.

[hooplala]

This is the best thing I have read in a while, it should be posted everywhere.

[Don Coyote]

Coyote will not stand for this.

[Triple Zero]

Thank you guys (I feel so loved  ). I wrote this on the bus home (you should see the notebook page -

you should see the notebook page

you should see the notebook page

you should see the notebook page

you should see the notebook page

OKAY OKAY SCAN THE FUCK OUT OF THAT NOTEBOOK ALREADY

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Thank you guys (I feel so loved  ). I wrote this on the bus home (you should see the notebook page -

you should see the notebook page

you should see the notebook page

you should see the notebook page

you should see the notebook page

OKAY OKAY SCAN THE FUCK OUT OF THAT NOTEBOOK ALREADY

Fuck yes.

I believe this is the only way the OP can get any better.

[Epimetheus]