Sermon Against the Salesmen

[Richter]

I work with a lot of devotees of the cult of the salesman.  This is an unfortunate thing, but can't be helped. 
     
Often they come to me, and want things.  When they want something they begin the pitch.  The familiar greeting, the inclusion of "Buddy" within the first few words, the smile, and the overall tone about how everything's going to be GREAT.  Their pitch.  Maybe not their best game, but it's how they know how to get things, so it's how they do it.  Right away, as pleasant as they make it, you're dealing with horseshit.  It's no longer a genuine human conversation, it's part of their crafted act to get a "Yes". 
     
By the time these requests get to me they are often for something we will not of do not do.  I tell them that, and I get my favorite reply from these subhuman deception mongers:  "You don't understand how things work in sales."

I don't understand how things work in your false faced, ego fluffing, "Gift" bribing, "run off to a ball game or the golf course and call it work" fellatio club?  Damn straight I don't, and this makes me glad on a daily basis.     

[Sister Fracture]

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I work with a lot of devotees of the cult of the salesman.  This is an unfortunate thing, but can't be helped. 
     
Often they come to me, and want things.  When they want something they begin the pitch.  The familiar greeting, the inclusion of "Buddy" within the first few words, the smile, and the overall tone about how everything's going to be GREAT.  Their pitch.  Maybe not their best game, but it's how they know how to get things, so it's how they do it.  Right away, as pleasant as they make it, you're dealing with horseshit.  It's no longer a genuine human conversation, it's part of their crafted act to get a "Yes". 
     
By the time these requests get to me they are often for something we will not of do not do.  I tell them that, and I get my favorite reply from these subhuman deception mongers:  "You don't understand how things work in sales."

I don't understand how things work in your false faced, ego fluffing, "Gift" bribing, "run off to a ball game or the golf course and call it work" fellatio club?  Damn straight I don't, and this makes me glad on a daily basis.     

If the salesman has a pompadour and a pipe, buy his shit.  The alternative is too grim to contemplate.

[Richter]

When they'll sell anything, Salvation^tm is the only thing worth buying!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

When they'll sell anything, Salvation^tm is the only thing worth buying!

Especially with that triple-your-money-back guarantee.

[Cain]

You'd think salespeople would be aware now that people are genre-savvy enough to see them coming, and acting like a Stereotypical Salesman just causes people to raise their defences, lessening the chance of getting what they want.

But then if they were good at manipulating people, they wouldn't be working in sales.

[Richter]

Your comment reminds me of somethign I heard once, forgot the source, "Only second rate geniuses go into politics."  Generally people who have the metacognition, control, and awareness to keep themselves and the signals they send that controlled are quietly doing other things instead.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

SALES PEOPLE SUCK!!!

They think the rules don't apply to them, they will stab you in the back just to get their way when all they had to do was ask you in the first place.

I've had so many sales assholes throw me under the bus.  Problem is, I've become so fucking anal on doing my job, they try to get me in trouble and end up looking stupid.  I learned the hard way, but by god I can be taught!!

[Cramulus]

FUCK yeah, richter!

I just went on a short jaunt to the mall to pick up a used copy of Assassins Creed 2, and I think I triggered every possible sales pitch on the way.

I had just read this rant, so it was still fresh in my mind as the flirty girl at the nail buffing booth approached me and pretended like she really just wanted to talk to me. Asking me about the weather and the holidays and stuff before she launched into the pitch. When I made it clear that I wasn't interested in her nail buffing device, her demeanor changed so sharply, it was like she was pissed off at me, or looking down on me for being some kind of cheapskate. Fuck that!

the dude at the game store was the same way. kept trying to sell me other games, or get me to get a gamestop rewards cards... Listen dude I don't want to be part of your computer system so you can market things to me. $2 in savings is not worth having my name and address run through your company's marketing chamber, especially since there's no guarantee you're not going to sell it to some shadowy marketing cabal which aggregates all these sales data to build a profile of me. The dude looked so confused, like I was wired badly or something, when I said that I didn't want a fucking rewards card even if it saves me ten bucks per year. "I don't want another piece of plastic in my wallet, and I don't want my name in your computer." the other sales guy laughed, "never heard that one before."

I couldn't help but feel like they were scowling at me as I left, despite the fact that I just gave them $24 of my cash. I swear, this mall during holidays will suck all the soul out of you.

[LMNO]

Working on a commssions basis will do that to you.

[AFK]

I swear, this mall during holidays will suck all the soul out of you.

Malls are awful.  For consumer and salesperson alike.  When you are in the food court, or at the coffeeshop, and you see that poor schlub with that blank stare on his face while he is munching on a greasy piece of Sbarro's pizza, that is the retail employee who is on his 15 minute lunch break shoehorned into his 13 hour work day.  He's become a robotic slave of the Retail Hell enterprise. 

I am one of its lucky survivors.  I still get a crawly feeling under my skin on those rare occasions I do walk into a mall during the Holidaze Seasons.   

[Cramulus]

I hear it! I worked at a Lord & Taylor a few Christmases ago, selling shoes on commission and trying to get people to sign up for these ludicrous credit cards.

My roommate is a manager of a mall piercing pagoda. When I told her I was going shopping on black friday she actually got mad at me!

[Richter]

FUCK yeah, richter!

I just went on a short jaunt to the mall to pick up a used copy of Assassins Creed 2, and I think I triggered every possible sales pitch on the way.

I had just read this rant, so it was still fresh in my mind as the flirty girl at the nail buffing booth approached me and pretended like she really just wanted to talk to me. Asking me about the weather and the holidays and stuff before she launched into the pitch. When I made it clear that I wasn't interested in her nail buffing device, her demeanor changed so sharply, it was like she was pissed off at me, or looking down on me for being some kind of cheapskate. Fuck that!

the dude at the game store was the same way. kept trying to sell me other games, or get me to get a gamestop rewards cards... Listen dude I don't want to be part of your computer system so you can market things to me. $2 in savings is not worth having my name and address run through your company's marketing chamber, especially since there's no guarantee you're not going to sell it to some shadowy marketing cabal which aggregates all these sales data to build a profile of me. The dude looked so confused, like I was wired badly or something, when I said that I didn't want a fucking rewards card even if it saves me ten bucks per year. "I don't want another piece of plastic in my wallet, and I don't want my name in your computer." the other sales guy laughed, "never heard that one before."

I couldn't help but feel like they were scowling at me as I left, despite the fact that I just gave them $24 of my cash. I swear, this mall during holidays will suck all the soul out of you.

Right on man.  The pressure, that drive to move product by having the sellers "Connect" with people.. BLeh.

It's one of those things that sort of makes you question other human interactions. 

[Jasper]

Good.  Everyone should question the real meaning of human interactions, because the society we live in comprises almost entirely of utilitarian relationships.  You do what you gotta do, and I will too.  Ring me up, there's a good chap, and I'll pay faster so we can both get back to ignoring everyone and entertaining ourselves.

Genuine affective relationships are so rare, it's almost a kink these days.  Whaddaya mean you enjoy his company?  What are you, some kind of friend freak?  It's sick how unfriendly everyone is.  Just makes me want to act unfriendly to everyone.

[Triple Zero]

"I don't want another piece of plastic in my wallet, and I don't want my name in your computer." the other sales guy laughed, "never heard that one before."

Really? Over here they hear that often enough that the supermarket where you need a "bonus card" to make use of their special offers, you can fill in the form with just two X's. Because they rather have that than having to filter out the bogus info, I guess.

The offers are just like the other supermarkets' special offers except you need the card. although if you say you forgot it at the checkout, usually the cashier scans their own card for you. And otherwise the person behind you will lend it to you.