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Familiar Heroes, part III of V

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 05, 2011, 03:53:37 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

January 05, 2011, 03:53:37 PM
Hi.  My name's Dan.

I'm not a hero, never really wanted to be one.  No, I'm just the maintenance geek down at the Hall of Justice.  It pays the bills, though I have noticed that the Superfriends don't actually seem to have any source of income.  Heh.  Not my problem.

I have enough on my plate without worrying about that shit.  Take Wonder Woman's plane, for example.  You ever try to pull maintenance on an invisible plane?  Gotta do all the checks and services by touch...And it better be right, because that woman never does a walk-around.  Nope, off she goes, without a thought for the possibility that I missed something while working on her - let me say this again - invisibile airplane.

Then there's Aquaman's tank.  If that bugger goes even a LITTLE cloudy, I never hear the end of it, and the bastard sends lobsters up through the sewers to my toilet, to teach me a lesson.  Ever get a lobster claw on your junk? 

Alfred's pretty good about managing the batmobile, but he's a little old for doing major jobs.  So me and my apprentice gotta load new missiles, clean the turbine, that sort of thing.

The worst is when they have parties.  Superman gets all drunk on rocket fuel, and everyone else is all full of rum.  The apprentice and I hide in the basement until all the banging and crashing around is over, then we go call contractors in to repair the building...After we make sure all the hookers are gone, and all the blow is cleaned up.  Can't let that kind of thing hit the press, can we?

Yeah, that's right.  They're all fucked up on one thing or another.  Hardly surprising, when you think about it.  They spend all day fighting the next threat to the world, and then...What?  Go home to a family?  Hardly.  Families would make them vulnerable.  They're all single (Except the Wonder Twins, but I don't want to talk about that), and they have nothing to do.  Think about it...What could possibly excite you, after fighting some super-powered mutant trash all week?

So they get all fucked up.  That's when I make myself scarce.  There's nothing like having some guy who could rip you in half bawling on your shoulder or getting in your face.  I just wait until evening, then flip people on their sides so they don't choke on their puke, take the needle out of Robin's arm, hose down the Wonder Twins' room, yada yada.

I'm kind of sick of it all, but you know how the economy is.  I've had other offers, but something tells me that Doctor Octopus or Doctor Doom would be even worse...And the Fantastic Four got overextended in the downturn, and they aren't hiring.

Well, I gotta go.  Superman needs me to fire up the hydraulic press to take a wrinkle out of his cape.

For fuck's sake.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cramulus

#1
January 05, 2011, 03:56:04 PM
I love the imagery! all these titans who are actually just shitty humans too

and we're the shitty humans that have to clean up after them

hooplala

#2
January 05, 2011, 03:58:12 PM
Two words:

Kryptonite starch.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)" — Walt Whitman

Adios

#3
January 05, 2011, 04:00:55 PM
ITT the mistake of glorifying those for what they do in public, not for being human.

Judy Garland.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
January 05, 2011, 04:02:14 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on January 05, 2011, 03:56:04 PM
I love the imagery! all these titans who are actually just shitty humans too

and we're the shitty humans that have to clean up after them



What's the psychological term for putting people on a pedastle?  Idealizing, or some shit?

That just gave me an idea for the next one.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#5
January 05, 2011, 04:05:06 PM
Idolatry, perhaps.


Another knockout.  TGRR's on a roll, ladies and gents.

Epimetheus

#6
January 05, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
I fucking love this one!



Also I have a hunch the U.S. / World gov't pays the superhero teams. Part of the defense/police budget, maybe?
Maybe they just rob all the villains they defeat. D&D style.
POST-SINGULARITY POCKET ORGASM TOAD OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
January 05, 2011, 04:06:37 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on January 05, 2011, 04:05:06 PM
Idolatry, perhaps.


Another knockout.  TGRR's on a roll, ladies and gents.
Thanks.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
January 05, 2011, 04:07:10 PM
Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
I fucking love this one!



Also I have a hunch the U.S. / World gov't pays the superhero teams. Part of the defense/police budget, maybe?

Yeah.

What would happen if they stopped paying them?

Ho ho ho!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Phox

#9
January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.

Whatever

#10
January 05, 2011, 04:09:40 PM
This is fucking awesome!!!  :mittens:

Epimetheus

#11
January 05, 2011, 04:10:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.
There are more kinds of Familiar Heroes than just the depressed.  :wink:


Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2011, 04:07:10 PM
Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
I fucking love this one!



Also I have a hunch the U.S. / World gov't pays the superhero teams. Part of the defense/police budget, maybe?

Yeah.

What would happen if they stopped paying them?

Ho ho ho!

:lol: Heroes made even more familiar... :x
POST-SINGULARITY POCKET ORGASM TOAD OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
January 05, 2011, 04:10:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.

I felt the same thing when I wrote it, but I wanted to have fun with the idea of the poor bastard who has to pick up after the superheroes, and do all the maintenance and other things that lets them do their thing.

Nobody ever thinks about that sort of thing.  WHO does maintenance on an invisible plane?  Who reloads Batman's weapons?  

Someone's got to do it.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
January 05, 2011, 04:12:24 PM
Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:10:10 PM
There are more kinds of Familiar Heroes than just the depressed.  :wink:

I wanted to cleanse everyones' palate, as LMNO once said.  If it's ALL a downer, it loses its punch.


Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
:lol: Heroes made even more familiar... :x


Oh, yeah.  And WHY the government would stop paying them.  There's something here that's always been overlooked, and I think I have just the way to explain it.  Stay tuned, kiddies.  Same bat time tomorrow, same bat channel.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Phox

#14
January 05, 2011, 04:14:11 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2011, 04:10:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.

I felt the same thing when I wrote it, but I wanted to have fun with the idea of the poor bastard who has to pick up after the superheroes, and do all the maintenance and other things that lets them do their thing.

Nobody ever thinks about that sort of thing.  WHO does maintenance on an invisible plane?  Who reloads Batman's weapons?  

Someone's got to do it.

Oh, yes. I do like it very much. It is an interesting thing to consider. But it seems a bit out of place. But, if you're having fun with it, who gives a fuck what I think?
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