Finally a Corporate to Human Glossary!

[Telarus]

Found this on Slashdot:

Undead Waffle (1447615) writes:
I know corporations are people now and everything but I find their expressions sometimes difficult to interpret. Can we ask that they include a "current mood" icon on their corporate website or something so we can all avoid potentially embarrassing situations?

GameboyRMH (1153867) writes:

I understand corporate emotions now. As soon as I read the title, I knew Capcom had plagiarized something.

So here is the corporate-to-human emotion conversion table:

Corporate --- Human (Example as used in corporate-speak)

Sad --- Remorseless denial of guilt in the face of overwhelming evidence (As seen in the title, or "we are saddened about the situation at our Chinese manufacturing plant")

Happy --- Having a Greedgasm (As in "we are happy to report record 4th quarter earnings")

Proud --- Cautiously Optimistic (as in "Microsoft is proud of the security enhancements to our latest products")

Pleased --- Cackling like a Supervillain (as in "we are pleased to be found innocent in this case")

Regret --- Polite Indifference (as in "we regret to inform you that your services are no longer needed" or "we regret to inform you that your personal information was stolen from our database")

Disapproval - Insane with Rage (as in "Ubisoft disapproves of piracy")

Remorse - Grudging, hollow, and remorseless admission of guilt (as in "BP expresses remorse at the ecological disaster in the Gulf of Mexico")

[Juana]

[Don Coyote]

 

[Bruno]

 

[Phox]

 

[Triple Zero]

Found an interesting blog post further down that thread:

http://streetcarstospaceships.typepad.com/s2s/2008/12/i-dont-want-to-live-in-a-society-run-by-a-bunch-of-generals.html

1.) Any company named General anything can be assumed to be scum.


2.) They were founded to be scum and those scum behaviors were woven into the DNA of the firm by the day the name was first announced.