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Finally a Corporate to Human Glossary!

Started by Telarus, January 16, 2011, 02:44:11 AM

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Telarus

Found this on Slashdot:

Undead Waffle (1447615) writes:
I know corporations are people now and everything but I find their expressions sometimes difficult to interpret. Can we ask that they include a "current mood" icon on their corporate website or something so we can all avoid potentially embarrassing situations?

GameboyRMH (1153867) writes:

I understand corporate emotions now. As soon as I read the title, I knew Capcom had plagiarized something.

So here is the corporate-to-human emotion conversion table:

Corporate --- Human (Example as used in corporate-speak)

Sad --- Remorseless denial of guilt in the face of overwhelming evidence (As seen in the title, or "we are saddened about the situation at our Chinese manufacturing plant")

Happy --- Having a Greedgasm (As in "we are happy to report record 4th quarter earnings")

Proud --- Cautiously Optimistic (as in "Microsoft is proud of the security enhancements to our latest products")

Pleased --- Cackling like a Supervillain (as in "we are pleased to be found innocent in this case")

Regret --- Polite Indifference (as in "we regret to inform you that your services are no longer needed" or "we regret to inform you that your personal information was stolen from our database")

Disapproval - Insane with Rage (as in "Ubisoft disapproves of piracy")

Remorse - Grudging, hollow, and remorseless admission of guilt (as in "BP expresses remorse at the ecological disaster in the Gulf of Mexico")

:lulz:
Telarus, KSC,
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"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."


Bruno

Formerly something else...


Triple Zero

Found an interesting blog post further down that thread:

http://streetcarstospaceships.typepad.com/s2s/2008/12/i-dont-want-to-live-in-a-society-run-by-a-bunch-of-generals.html

Quote from: http://streetcarstospaceships.typepad.com/s2s/2008/12/i-dont-want-to-live-in-a-society-run-by-a-bunch-of-generals.html1.) Any company named General anything can be assumed to be scum.


2.) They were founded to be scum and those scum behaviors were woven into the DNA of the firm by the day the name was first announced.

Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.