Author Topic: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.  (Read 12507 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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I've heard it now and again, "I can't find a group", and "I can't keep a campaign going".  The second issue will be dealt with in the next installment, but some of what follows also applies.  Here's a few simple guidelines that will get you invited back to a game group:

1.  WASH YOUR NASTY ASS.  Gamer funk is unacceptable.  Nothing wrecks a session quite like one person smelling like a horse stall.  Take a damn shower that morning, and wear some Goddamn deoderant.

2.  BRING YOUR OWN SNACKS.  The person hosting the game probably can't affort to feed a half dozen people once a week, so be considerate and bring some snacks to throw into the pot.  Also be advised that being invited to a game does not equal being invited to the host's refridgerator.

3.  "I WAS ONLY PLAYING MY ALIGNMENT" IS NO EXCUSE FOR RUINING EVERYONE ELSE'S FUN.  Who chose that alignment, you Goddamn assmonkey?  Oh, yes, you did.  And now you're using it as an excuse to disrupt the plot, fuck with the other players, and generally ruin the session just to show what an ass you are?  Fuck off.  Get out.

4.  DO NOT PASS NOTES TO THE DM MORE THAN ONCE A SESSION.  See #3.  Notes to the DM should only be used to inquire about your character's status if the other players can't know.  If you're wanting to pick the Cleric's pocket because HURR HURR HURR, also GTFO.

5.  DO NOT TRY TO DO EVERYTHING.  Let the other players have a chance.  Seriously, if you're the Cleric, let the fucking rogue scout ahead, you clanking-ass loud motherfucker.  Do your job in the group, and let other people have a shot.

6.  WE SEE YOU PALM-ROLLING, YOU FUCKING CHEATER.  Who the fuck cheats at D&D? 

7.  DO NOT ASK TO PLAY A HALF-DRAGON VAMPIRE CLERIC.  The player's handbook is there for a Goddamn reason.  Playing a drow or half-fiend or vampire doesn't make you or your character more interesting.  I makes it look like you can't play the Goddamn game without an artificial edge.  It also makes you look like you got confused and came to the wrong damn table.  The White Wolf game is down the street, fart-knocker.  Also, Drow & Vampire characters are used up as fuck. 

8.  TABLE TALK.  Keep it to a minimum.  There is a limited amount of time for gaming, and we can listen to you talk about CSI Miami some other time.  Also, nobody wants to hear about the exploits of the character you ran in some other game.  Lastly, anyone quoting Monty Python at a game table should be lit on fire and pushed out a window.  It's been done, you Goddamn moron.

9.  DO NOT PLAY WoW AT THE D&D TABLE.  If your initiative comes up, and you have to pause your laptop, why the fuck are you at the gaming table?  Put the fucking laptop away and use pen & paper.  Wandering off mid-session is also not an option, unless you're going to the can.  Food & smokes can wait for a break, and if you so much as TOUCH the TV, you should be prepared to get groin-stomped by the other players.  You're here to play the same game as everyone else, you fucking retard.

10.  IF YOU GET DICE-BIT, PUT ON YOUR BIG-BOY PANTS.  Sulking and pouting because the dice are fucking you ruins it for everyone else.  You ever had a bad day at work?  That's what's happening to your character.  Fucking deal with it, or find another hobby.  If you die, quit your sniveling and roll up a new character.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Requia ☣

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2011, 05:00:00 pm »
Quote
9.  DO NOT PLAY WoW AT THE D&D TABLE.  If your initiative comes up, and you have to pause your laptop, why the fuck are you at the gaming table?  Put the fucking laptop away and use pen & paper.  Wandering off mid-session is also not an option, unless you're going to the can.  Food & smokes can wait for a break, and if you so much as TOUCH the TV, you should be prepared to get groin-stomped by the other players.  You're here to play the same game as everyone else, you fucking retard.

Jesus, seriously?
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2011, 05:00:55 pm »
Quote
9.  DO NOT PLAY WoW AT THE D&D TABLE.  If your initiative comes up, and you have to pause your laptop, why the fuck are you at the gaming table?  Put the fucking laptop away and use pen & paper.  Wandering off mid-session is also not an option, unless you're going to the can.  Food & smokes can wait for a break, and if you so much as TOUCH the TV, you should be prepared to get groin-stomped by the other players.  You're here to play the same game as everyone else, you fucking retard.

Jesus, seriously?

We had one new person open his laptop at the table.  I asked him why.

"Oh, I'm just going to play an MMO when it's not my turn."

"It was nice to meet you.  Get out."
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2011, 05:01:31 pm »
 :mittens:

Yes.

This.
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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2011, 05:02:53 pm »
You know, I don't think I've actually seen a D&D game being played by grownups.  I played it in elementary school, but it never went as well as we thought it should.  I'd love to sit in and just watch you play, and see what actually happens when everyone knows what they're doing.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2011, 05:05:17 pm »
You know, I don't think I've actually seen a D&D game being played by grownups.  I played it in elementary school, but it never went as well as we thought it should.  I'd love to sit in and just watch you play, and see what actually happens when everyone knows what they're doing.

It's enough fun that I go hooked in 1977, and I've never stopped playing since (I've taken a hiatus now and then, but never for more than a month or two).  You get to have fun with your friends, and not deal with a hangover.  Also, it's for the most part a one-time expense.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Requia ☣

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2011, 05:13:49 pm »
You know, I don't think I've actually seen a D&D game being played by grownups.  I played it in elementary school, but it never went as well as we thought it should.  I'd love to sit in and just watch you play, and see what actually happens when everyone knows what they're doing.

Funnily enough, I've never managed to get a long term group with anybody but adults, when I was a teenager things always fell apart after a week or two.
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Richter

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2011, 05:19:06 pm »
This needs to be illuminated and framed outside any gaming store that has tables available.

Also:

- Rules Lawyer RIGHT: Pleading, whining, or acting superior is asking to get shut down.  Explain what you're fixing to do, cite the relevant sections of the manual, and accept the GM's call on it.  If you don't like their logic or their call, WHY ARE YOU IN THEIR GAME?
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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2011, 05:20:13 pm »
I haven't played since college.  The boys won't play with me.   :cry:

I'll have to ask around and see if there is a local group I can join...

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2011, 05:35:11 pm »
I've heard it now and again, "I can't find a group", and "I can't keep a campaign going".  The second issue will be dealt with in the next installment, but some of what follows also applies.  Here's a few simple guidelines that will get you invited back to a game group:

1.  WASH YOUR NASTY ASS.  Gamer funk is unacceptable.  Nothing wrecks a session quite like one person smelling like a horse stall.  Take a damn shower that morning, and wear some Goddamn deoderant.
I need to show this to a friend of mine who got my small current group kicked out of a great DM's campaign by doing things like farting into dice tubes and passing them around for everyone to smell. This is the exact same guy who plays high-charisma characters and claims it isn't a blatantly transparent escapist fantasy.

Quote
8.  TABLE TALK.  Keep it to a minimum.  There is a limited amount of time for gaming, and we can listen to you talk about CSI Miami some other time.  Also, nobody wants to hear about the exploits of the character you ran in some other game.  Lastly, anyone quoting Monty Python at a game table should be lit on fire and pushed out a window.  It's been done, you Goddamn moron.
I'm afraid I'm guilty of this one.  :oops: Not the Monty Python bit, though. Never Monty Python.
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Faust

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2011, 05:58:10 pm »
The saddest thing, Barring the laptop thing which I've never seen and would probably have a shitfit about if I ever saw it, is that you see this shit in every group.
And even more baffling is that the slim few who appreciate this usually have at some stage been a gm.

The worst habit I had to stomp out of the group was the magpie syndrome.
They see a shiny object and nearly the whole group fall all over each other trying to get it first.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2011, 05:59:44 pm »
The saddest thing, Barring the laptop thing which I've never seen and would probably have a shitfit about if I ever saw it, is that you see this shit in every group.
And even more baffling is that the slim few who appreciate this usually have at some stage been a gm.

The worst habit I had to stomp out of the group was the magpie syndrome.
They see a shiny object and nearly the whole group fall all over each other trying to get it first.

That's candy.   :lulz:  Illusion + pit o' vipers = WIN.

I've also stopped handing out "best roleplay" & "MVP" bonus XP, because everyone gets butthurt.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Faust

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2011, 06:08:57 pm »
The saddest thing, Barring the laptop thing which I've never seen and would probably have a shitfit about if I ever saw it, is that you see this shit in every group.
And even more baffling is that the slim few who appreciate this usually have at some stage been a gm.

The worst habit I had to stomp out of the group was the magpie syndrome.
They see a shiny object and nearly the whole group fall all over each other trying to get it first.

That's candy.   :lulz:  Illusion + pit o' vipers = WIN.

I've also stopped handing out "best roleplay" & "MVP" bonus XP, because everyone gets butthurt.
Cursed ring of circumcision nipped it in the bud pretty well.

Cork gaming Horror stories:

The guy who eats sugar packets keeping the shared dice in his bellybutton that hangs over his trousers, then putting the shared dice in his toothless mouth.

The misogynist creep who nearly drove away the one girl in the gaming group by continuously coming onto her, when not belittling her.

The guy who insisted on crossing his fingers and putting on a paper hat when he was speaking out of character.

The scat guy.


The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2011, 06:14:45 pm »
The saddest thing, Barring the laptop thing which I've never seen and would probably have a shitfit about if I ever saw it, is that you see this shit in every group.
And even more baffling is that the slim few who appreciate this usually have at some stage been a gm.

The worst habit I had to stomp out of the group was the magpie syndrome.
They see a shiny object and nearly the whole group fall all over each other trying to get it first.

That's candy.   :lulz:  Illusion + pit o' vipers = WIN.

I've also stopped handing out "best roleplay" & "MVP" bonus XP, because everyone gets butthurt.
Cursed ring of circumcision nipped it in the bud pretty well.

Cork gaming Horror stories:

The guy who eats sugar packets keeping the shared dice in his bellybutton that hangs over his trousers, then putting the shared dice in his toothless mouth.

The misogynist creep who nearly drove away the one girl in the gaming group by continuously coming onto her, when not belittling her.

The guy who insisted on crossing his fingers and putting on a paper hat when he was speaking out of character.

The scat guy.



I've dealt with shit like that.

Also, trying running an all-female group sometimes.

Lastly, cross-gender roleplaying is horrormirthy as hell.  We had this big scary biker that played with us for 2 years, and he ran a female elf bard.

 :horrormirth:

Also, stupidity:

"I bullrush the gelatinous cube."
- Randy the dumbass, on his 4th character in a campaign that hadn't yet reached 4th level.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cramulus

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Re: A little handy gaming advice #1: How to be invited back to a game table.
« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2011, 06:19:40 pm »
:mittens:

been hooked on D&D since like ... 1994? Jesus, I was 12. My enjoyment of it has increased as the average age of people at my table has increased. I still think the hardest part of running a game is getting everybody together every week.

I'm playing with a group of complete newbies right now, it's kind of refreshing, but it's also a bit frustrating.


#5 is my biggest pet peeve. I ran a game where the rogue would always wake up early the day before they started excavating a dungeon, just so he could sneak through it without them and map it out. He wanted this cool moment of the party waking up and he's already got a detailed map of the dungeon and some notes about the monsters. He got pissed when I told him he couldn't do that. "Buh-buh-buh.. but that's what my character wants to do..." Yeah dude, but that means that you and I play D&D for 30 minutes while everybody else's character is asleep. BOGUS.

Incidentally, that same character would always try to start businesses in the adventurer's home city. So when they got back from an adventure, his clam farm would have some more pearls waiting for him. But jesus christ, this is D&D, not Sim City. The amount of time we spent talking about his goddamn clam farm could have been spent drinking ale of out skulls and we all would be better for it.