OkCupid: A Guy's Perspective

[The Good Reverend Roger]

But before I go...

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

whut?

Today's vocab word is "patriarchy."

<---  Laughing at you.

[The Johnny]

My leechblock program has me at 3 minutes, but oh, i so want to get into it about "patriarchy".

Do tell us how patriarchy, entrenched power, OKCupid and yourself correlate.

[saturnine]

But before I go...

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

whut?

Today's vocab word is "patriarchy."

<---  Laughing at you.

It is what it is.

[saturnine]

My leechblock program has me at 3 minutes, but oh, i so want to get into it about "patriarchy".

Do tell us how patriarchy, entrenched power, OKCupid and yourself correlate.

Obvious troll is ... shit, I forgot how it goes.

[East Coast Hustle]

Now, I'll also note there have been notable changes in my world during that time period: I've gained a moderate amount of weight, which turned me from rail-thin skinny to mildly pudgy. I also have learned tons about myself, which has led to some factors which I'm sure are dealbreakers (or at least intimidating) to many. I now am certain I wish to remain childfree, I openly identify as bi and poly, and I live with my best friend, who is also an ex.

I think this combination narrows your options down to "Mango".

Yeah, I know. Well, at least compared to the average OkC user. Part of the reason I'm posting this is because I'm gauging whether or not OkC is even a useful tool for me anymore, given my 10,000 weird circumstances. I think I need to just start marketing my ass in places where qualifiers like mine are pre-selected for, on poly sites & conferences and places like that.

Futhermore, god forbid a decent, articulate human male actually is looking for a relatively casual sexual encounter. How is he supposed to go about it without looking like one of "those guys"?

Who do you think "those guys" are?  Human males looking for casual sexual encounters.

Enh, sorta. I was kinda unclear. I'm making a distinction between the guys ("hornballs") who have no sense of decorum and can't speak English (1st message = "u filthy slut i wanna fuck u rite now") and guys who, when cruising for sex, still act like socially-adjusted human beings. I'm arguing that looking for sex shouldn't be the thing that makes women instantly decide on radio silence. If it's clear you've got a human being on the line and not a Neanderthal, you can probably shoot him a thanks-but-no-thanks and still be fine. (Although based on people's responses I'm beginning to doubt that, too.)

You sound like one of those whiny sensitive new-age guys who almost never gets laid and wants to know what's wrong with everyone who won't sleep with you and is incensed (INCENSED, I SAY!) that apparently a whole lot of women who are on the internet looking for casual sex really don't give two shits about your intellect and how deep you are and would rather sleep with a good-looking (or at least self-confident) guy who isn't too shy to let them know what he wants.

Not saying you ARE one of those guys, but if that's how it comes across here, to us, imagine how it comes across to actual girls.

Hustle, remember that time a couple of years ago when I told you that I didn't like your attitude and I was going to ignore everything you had to say? Yeah. Just a reminder.

Faturnine, remember that time I told you that you sounded like a whiny self-obsessed shitneck?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

ECH, it's not his fault he can't get laid.

It's the patriarchy.  The mean, mean patriarchy is KEEPING a brother DOWN!

[East Coast Hustle]

I'D BE GETTING SO MUCH TRIM IF IT WEREN'T FOR ALL OF THOSE SUCCESSFUL, WITTY, ATTRACTIVE MEN OUT THERE!
\

[Don Coyote]

I'D BE GETTING SO MUCH TRIM IF IT WEREN'T FOR ALL OF THOSE SUCCESSFUL, WITTY, ATTRACTIVE MEN OUT THERE!
\

[Kai]

Heres an observation from my end:

At one point, I had quite a few straight guys messaging me on there. Now, I don't really fool around with straight guys because frankly they're just trying to get a secret safe gay fix and I'm not into that. That, however, wouldn't have stopped me if there was a nice well mannered attractive "straight" guy who messaged me and started talking with me. Of course, such a guy wouldn't actually be straight (probably), just so in his profile.

However, all the "straight" guys messaging me for for their safe gay fix got old really fast, so I put a note on my profile saying that I wasn't interested.

The conclusion I've come to is that people I would NOT like to fuck of any sex, gender or orientation are abundant regardless of where I look. Although I have met a couple really nice people at OKC, long term friends, the people I would like to be with are few, therefore the looking is difficult. I recognize that and don't go messaging every "hottie" I see out of desperation, which is what it seems YOU do. I knew you were just whining when you used the word "hottie", indicating just how shallow your intentions were. ALL THE HOTTIES WON'T TALK TO ME!!!

Hey, I'd talk to you. Under the contract that you wouldn't act like a mysogynist. And quit whining.

[Eater of Clowns]

Oddly, I would get a lot of messages when I refused to put a profile pic up (stalker problem, as is mentioned on this site).  Then I put one up and they stopped.

EoC,
Pretty, pretty princess. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'D BE GETTING SO MUCH TRIM IF IT WEREN'T FOR ALL OF THOSE SUCCESSFUL, WITTY, ATTRACTIVE MEN OUT THERE!
\

STOP BEING SO FASCIST, YOU RUNNING DOG LACKEY OF THE PATRIARCHY!

[saturnine]

I'D BE GETTING SO MUCH TRIM IF IT WEREN'T FOR ALL OF THOSE SUCCESSFUL, WITTY, ATTRACTIVE MEN OUT THERE!
\

STOP BEING SO FASCIST, YOU RUNNING DOG LACKEY OF THE PATRIARCHY!

Ooh, wait, wait! Let's review! You like reviews, right? I learned this one from you.

When confronted with a nuanced situation, you reduced it to an absurd generalization so you could make pithy comments. They only had to be marginally related to the topic at hand because the point was never discussion, it was growing your e-peen. So then I confronted the fallacies in your logic, and pointed out your posturing, which seems to have actually made you a little angry! So then you said you were leaving the thread. And here's the best part: you couldn't! Because you just had to keep that little pithy little anti-intellectual streak going. Now who's ego is involved?

I fucking see you. I see what you're doing, you piece of shit. What does it say about your site, that one of the admins is a Greyfaced piece of shit? Shouldn't you be on 4Chan?

[*GrumpButt*]

I'll tell you what to do to get some girls...

Lie. And then Lie more.

This is a dating site...

People are not going to take face value what you post and then send you a great reply, you have to spice it up...

Or something......

[saturnine]

Heres an observation from my end:

At one point, I had quite a few straight guys messaging me on there. Now, I don't really fool around with straight guys because frankly they're just trying to get a secret safe gay fix and I'm not into that. That, however, wouldn't have stopped me if there was a nice well mannered attractive "straight" guy who messaged me and started talking with me. Of course, such a guy wouldn't actually be straight (probably), just so in his profile.

However, all the "straight" guys messaging me for for their safe gay fix got old really fast, so I put a note on my profile saying that I wasn't interested.

That's exactly the reason I'm into poly -- it's about keeping everything above board. It's also why I won't sign up for a site like ambermadison.com. Cheating and the closet and all that stuff is just baggage that's better off not factoring into a relationship.

The conclusion I've come to is that people I would NOT like to fuck of any sex, gender or orientation are abundant regardless of where I look.

Well, yeah. You don't mention your gender anywhere (although I seem to remember talking to you about it a couple years ago when I was more active?), but I'm assuming you're male. Anyway, yeah, it's tougher to find people who "fit" when you're queer, and it only gets slimmer the more identity stakes you add to the equation. So I think at some point mainstream dating venues become useless. Me on OkC may be the online equivalent of a gay dude trying to score in a straight bar.

I recognize that and don't go messaging every "hottie" I see out of desperation, which is what it seems YOU do.

I think it's hilarious how many things people are assuming based on the things I haven't explicitly stated. On average, I message one user every one to two months.

I knew you were just whining when you used the word "hottie", indicating just how shallow your intentions were. ALL THE HOTTIES WON'T TALK TO ME!!!

Don't gimme that crap. One of the advantages of online dating is that you can select for physical attractiveness first and foremost. I see that as a good thing. And I see nothing wrong with calling "someone" a "hottie" when that "someone" is, in fact, just an online profile. If they write back, THEN it's absolutely time for something a little less objectifying.

Hey, I'd talk to you. Under the contract that you wouldn't act like a mysogynist. And quit whining.

Rad! But, uh, misogynist? I typically think of myself as pretty down for sex/gender equality.

[Don Coyote]