UNLIMITED GOP 2012 PRIMARY CANDIDATE THREAD

[Luna]

Yay!  More Trump butthurt!

"You know who I'm very disappointed in? Michele Bachmann. She's come up to see me four times. Four times. She'd call me, she'd ask me for advice, she said I should be her vice presidential, you know, if she wins, she'd like to think about me for the vice presidency, all of these things. And then after all of that, she announced she's not going to do the debate. It's unbelievable. You know, it's called loyalty. It's actually called loyalty. How do you do that? I mean, it's amazing to me."

Five Republican candidates, including the Minnesota congresswoman, have declined to participate in the Dec. 27 event, hosted by Newsmax and scheduled just days before the first-in-the-nation caucuses in Iowa. Only former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and former Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania have agreed to participate.

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

Dammit!  Rick Perry and now Michele Bachmann.  That debate had the potential to be hilarious, but it's going to suck if it's just Santorum and Gingrich. 

The debate will be good for Newt, though, because sharing a stage with Santorum will make him seem likable.

[Luna]

The crowd at a GoP debate booed an American soldier because he had the guts to speak up and say that he's gay.

What will they cheer?

Child labor.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/10/gop-debate-audience-cheers-child-labor/

[Cain]

I'd just like to point out, Herman Cain's campaign was not derailed because he has never held political office before, was unaware China had nuclear weapons, or was alleged to have sexually assaulted women.

It ended because of a consensual affair he had.

Just think about that for a minute.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I'd just like to point out, Herman Cain's campaign was not derailed because he has never held political office before, was unaware China had nuclear weapons, or was alleged to have sexually assaulted women.

It ended because of a consensual affair he had.

Just think about that for a minute.

Oh, I have. And I can't stop laughing.

[Cain]

It is indeed a helpful reminder that elections in the 21st century in America are essentially about enforcing attitudes of cultural orthodoxy, rather than choosing leaders.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It is indeed a helpful reminder that elections in the 21st century in America are essentially about enforcing attitudes of cultural orthodoxy, rather than choosing leaders.

True, but they all fuck around, or would if they had a chance.

Even more LAIL. 

[Cain]

You're missing the point, I feel...

[Cramulus]

It is indeed a helpful reminder that elections in the 21st century in America are essentially about enforcing attitudes of cultural orthodoxy, rather than choosing leaders.

that IS the absurd thing, isn't it?

We should make posters which pinpoint this as the real purpose of elections.

I've been trying to wrap my head around what meme would best highlight this absurdity. I want to tell people that if they vote based on "who they can have a beer with", they are one of those suckers PT Barnum was talking about.

[Luna]

As President, I will vigorously enforce the Defense of Marriage Act, which was enacted under my leadership as Speaker of the House, and ensure compliance with its provisions, especially in the military. I will also aggressively defend the constitutionality of DOMA in federal and state courts. I will support sending a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman to the states for ratification. I will also oppose any judicial, bureaucratic, or legislative effort to define marriage in any manner other than as between one man and one woman. I will support all efforts to reform promptly any uneconomic or anti-marriage aspects of welfare and tax policy. I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.

-Newt Gingrich, who knows a hell of a lot about personal fidelity, having screwed it up on multiple occasions...

He reportedly served his first wife the divorce papers while she was recovering from uterine cancer.  He divorced his second wife after she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  There have been numerous documented affairs, including having affairs with his second and third wives while still married to his first and second.  But, of course, he had affairs because he LOVES his country...

[Suu]

As President, I will vigorously enforce the Defense of Marriage Act, which was enacted under my leadership as Speaker of the House, and ensure compliance with its provisions, especially in the military. I will also aggressively defend the constitutionality of DOMA in federal and state courts. I will support sending a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman to the states for ratification. I will also oppose any judicial, bureaucratic, or legislative effort to define marriage in any manner other than as between one man and one woman. I will support all efforts to reform promptly any uneconomic or anti-marriage aspects of welfare and tax policy. I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.

-Newt Gingrich, who knows a hell of a lot about personal fidelity, having screwed it up on multiple occasions...

He reportedly served his first wife the divorce papers while she was recovering from uterine cancer.  He divorced his second wife after she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  There have been numerous documented affairs, including having affairs with his second and third wives while still married to his first and second.  But, of course, he had affairs because he LOVES his country...

Sweet merciful fuck.

[Luna]

He was having an affair while pushing to impeach Clinton for having an affair.  The hypocrisy is staggering.

[Luna]

Heh.  Trump bailed out.

"The Republican Party candidates are very concerned that sometime after the final episode of The Apprentice, on May 20th, when the equal time provisions are no longer applicable to me, I will announce my candidacy for President of the United States as an Independent and that, unless I conclusively agree not to run as an Independent, they will not agree to attend or be a part of the Newsmax debate scheduled for December 27, 2011.
"It is very important to me that the right Republican candidate be chosen to defeat the failed and very destructive Obama Administration, but if that Republican, in my opinion, is not the right candidate, I am not willing to give up my right to run as an Independent candidate. Therefore, so that there is no conflict of interest within the Republican Party, I have decided not to be the moderator of the Newsmax debate. The American people are embarrassed by the gridlock currently taking place in Washington. I must leave all of my options open because, above all else, we must make America great again!
"I would like to thank Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum for having the courage, conviction, and confidence to immediately accept being a part of the Newsmax debate. I believe this would not only have been the most watched debate, but also the most substantive and interesting debate!"

Translation:  Nobody would come play with me, so I'm taking my marbles and going home.

[Cain]

Gingrinch isn't going to get the nomination anyway.  He's even more odious and disliked than Romney, both among the base and party elite.  Pretty much everyone who has worked with him has ended up saying they hate his guts, either openly or in the mealy-mouthed way most politicos say such things.

Let's just put it this way: can you name any big-hitter endorsements for Gingrinch?  No, because he doesn't have any.  Romney at the very least has hacks like Brooks and the other centrist media wankfest types cheerleading for him.

[Luna]

His new tax plan to "save billions" apparently will give millionaires a massive tax break:

http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2011/12/12/387889/gingrich-millionaire-tax-cut/

Gingrich's plan would create an optional 15 percent flat tax with a per-person deduction of $12,000. He would drop the corporate tax rate to 12.5 percent from 35 percent, allow businesses to write off capital expenses and eliminate taxes on capital gains and estates, according to his website.
People earning more than $1 million a year would receive an average tax cut of $613,689 in 2015, compared with what they pay now. That change would boost their after-tax income by 28.7 percent and put their average tax rate at 11.9 percent.

Ron Paul is gaining ground

http://www.businessinsider.com/shock-poll-ron-paul-is-closing-in-on-newt-gingrich-in-iowa-2011-12