Eris and the Whiney Ass-Nozzle that is your Fucking Face

[Salty]

Eris is not here strictly for your amusement. Sure, if you can get on the joke that's swell. But not required for the smooth-running bowels of Discordia.

So many people, including myself, fail to understand Eris.

I saw her just this night. Eris came to me and spoke and she said:

"FASTER you whiney little bitch, FASTER."

2 minutes before I had been deeply immersed in Batman and Legos. I was fatigued, sore sinuses and ears, worn down from a days worth of a very curious childs questions. I was enjoing an oreoandthenBAM THE TOILET IS VOMITING.

It's overflowing with a days worth of sewage onto the floor, the chain is bound and holding up that damned rubber piece again which has been making it run the pump a-motherfucking-gain causing a never ending cascade of filth.

I put my hand in the tank to hold down the stopper to stop the flow of water. Of well water. Of Alaskan well water on a very cold march night. Once the tank is full and I'm sure the stopper is in there good I grab the plunger. After cramming into the bowl of filth and hammering it a few times NOTHING HAPPENS.

It's then, when I'm brutalitizing that toilet with the plunger, an overflow of fury attacking that piece of porcelain shit spewing shit, THEN I see her. Well, hear her. I hear Eris laughing at me, the voice is rising out of the toilet and she's laughing at me and saying:

"That's right FASTER! This is what you signed up for right? And the mess outside? And the mess inside everyone else? That's what you wanted, otherwise you wouldn't have called me."

I asked her, "You're never around when I need you, where is it that you go when you're away?"

She said, "Shut your goddamned mouth! You think this is some kind of namby-pamby footsteps in the sand moment? Are we gonna fucking hug now? You want me help you wif your wittle pwobwems? Here let me help you with that."

AND the stopper pops back out because my dumbass didn't bother to readjust the chain when I had the chance. AND the overflowing again AND the filth.

AND that's right where Eris is. She is not the kind of deity that DOES SHIT for you. She's not supposed to. It's always YOU looking for HER. She's THAT kind of lady. The places you can't find her are the one's you are afraid to go.

Discordia is one's own, and we all See Her a bit differently, but most of us are here because we see her a little bit the same. And the fact remains that the things you learn here are things you look for.

So look, if you can. The Ugly, The Weird, The Horrible. That shit is everywhere, it's overflowing.

[Shub-Crackerath]

Good points Alty, although IMO if you are looking for her then you are wasting time. Experience tells me that she will find you, and its not always bad when she does. Just high-five her when she shows up and say something like;

"Yeah, you got me good you bitch. 'Spect y'all!"

And learn what she teaches you with her interference.

[Cainad (dec.)]

OP is awesome, and the title is 100%

Discordianism is the only religion I can think of that can so easily incorporate alternately praising and raining curses upon its patron deity.

[Jenne]

OP is awesome, and the title is 100%

Discordianism is the only religion I can think of that can so easily incorporate alternately praising and raining curses upon its patron deity.

IAWTC.  I had no real way to express how I felt about this post of yours, Alty, but Cainad summed it up pretty well...I've had days like what you're describing, too often for comfort.  I like your take on it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is what you signed up for right?

This will be the motto of the 2011 Discordian Synod. 

[Phox]

I am Doktor Phox and I approve this message.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

to the OP!!

Nice work Alty

[Telarus]

I have had similar 'hallucinations'.


Nice.

[Sexecutioner Chao Tight]

OP, nice very nice.

Usually she is looking at me as I'm trying to pick my ass up out of some nasty wreck... asking "are you gonna do something about this shit or just set there and bleed?"  to which I reply "yeah, yeah give me a second"  then she slaps me up alongside my head, laughs then goes on to fuck with others.

She's a bitch, gotta love her.

[President Television]

IAWTC.

I keep reading this as meaning "I Am the World Trade Center".

[Subtract Eight!]

who this eric person erveryones on about

[Telarus]

who this eric person erveryones on about

http://www.babylonproject.org/eric.html

[East Coast Hustle]

IAWTC.

I keep reading this as meaning "I Am the World Trade Center".

That's what it means.

Also, @OP: FUCK THE FUCK YEAH.

[Salty]

Bump

[Salty]

You know, in retrospect, what I should have done is simply stopped shitting. Then the toilet wouldn't have been an issue anymore.