ITT, I answer some PMs I've been ignoring.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Sorry if I've neglected to answer all of my PMs, but there is a limit to how much despair and doom that even I can tolerate at any given time, and the more horrible/hostile ones are too good not to share.  However, I won't be posting your PMs, of course, just responses.  The people they belong to should probably know who I'm talking to.

So here goes.

#1:  Yes, I can help you with your delinquent kid.  Please send the kid - and a cashiers cheque for $10,000 - to me in Tucson.  We'll soften him up with some trench work, and then sic him on golfers.  Yeah, it's a little pricey, but not as expensive as the lawyer fees you will surely face before long.  You'll turn on the TV one day, and there's Obama, shot right through the gizzard, and when they show the little screwhead who did it, it will be your kid grinning at the camera.

Also, don't worry about the window thing.  Any kid who doesn't smash windows should have his head examined.  Have YOU ever heaved a brick through a window?  It's great fun...It makes a hell of a noise, and the people inside run around like Germans during the Dresden fire bombing.

Um, better make that $20,000.  Yeah, I couldn't possibly take the little monster on for less than that.

#2:  No.  That doesn't count as "consent".  Go hire a hooker, you fucked up little monkey.

#3:  It's spelled "Meetrack", not "Meat Rack".  That's why you can't find it.  Why do you doubt the word of your Holy Man™?  Come up here and say that shit.  I will fucking your shit and leave you on the City bus for the perverts.

#4:  Because Canada isn't a protectorate of America, you dumbfuck.  What the hell is wrong with people like you?  Do you also think you own your neighbor's house?

#5:  I didn't invent pre-roofied beer.  Some joker had that on his website.  Also, roofies are not necessary here, as this is Tucson, and sex is the least of our problems.  Also, anyone who has seen Miracle Mile at 8PM in August knows that "zombie hooker" is a redundant term, here.

#6.  Yes, that was really me.  I was young once, despite what my detractors say.  Fuck you.

#7.  I've met her in person.  She really is that nuts.  She gives off a vibe of "There is no guarantee that you will have any skin at the end of this conversation".

#8.  Big Ed Meese was funnier than Janet Reno, Alberto Gonzales, and Eric Holder combined.  He's shagging golfballs on the wrong side of a driving rage with the ghost of Spiro Agnew, these days.

#9.  Nonsense.  I am a clean-living Holy Man™...Any and all substances I "abuse" are used purely for communing with Gods so YOU don't have to.  Ever talk to the Gods?  They're a bunch of punks.  They're really only dangerous when they form gangs, or "help" Richter with the cooking when he isn't looking.  You especially have to keep a close eye on the "Western" gangs, when they're not raping maidens, they're picking fights by proxy and getting loads of people killed.  The Irish Gods are the fucking worst...When they're not hanging around the pub trying to look tough, they're cutting innocent Formorian's heads off as a joke.

#10.  Yes, it's true.  I'm an anti-intellectual caveman with a burning need to fuck with your precious drivel, when I'm not beating up my SO and running over bunny rabbits with the rider mower.  Listen, jackass...If your post was shit, someone's going to throw it in the crapper.  It's just one more service I provide.  I mean, do you think anyone here wants to listen to your moaning?  Eat my ass nuggets, emotard.  I have no use for people like you, except as ornaments for the hood of my Jeep.  And as for your "feelings", well, my heart is pumping purple piss for your feelings.   Actually, it's cold, purple ichor, but you get the point.  And no, neither one of them are available/for sale.  I pistol-whipped the last guy to ask, so be warned.  Tucson would eat your pasty ass alive, anyway...You wouldn't get 3 blocks from the bus station.  Ass monkey.  It's people like you that wrecked America™.  I fucking hate you.

[LMNO]

And now I regret never PM-ing Roger with my problems.

[Luna]

It's never too late...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And now I regret never PM-ing Roger with my problems.

It's never too late!



To be honest, though, most of them are complaints and/or dire threats of revenge for the ruination of someone's perfectly-crafted emo shitting.

The worst one was when that crazy transvestite dude from PA referred to his "Tucson family" and said how we should pick him up at the bus station and let him live on my couch.  I thought the fucker would never stop harrassing me about my "betrayal" (ie, my failure to let a complete stranger with mental issues live on my couch for free, in the same house as my kids, despite his threats of suicide if I didn't comply).  Remember that?  Half of it occurred out in the open, the other half in PM.

[Freeky]

10/10. Would read again.

[Disco Pickle]

I'll have to remember to ask you for advice should the occasion ever arise where I think I might need some.  Or even if I don't, fuck do it just for the reply.



good shit Rev.

[Freeky]

And now I regret never PM-ing Roger with my problems.

It's never too late!



To be honest, though, most of them are complaints and/or dire threats of revenge for the ruination of someone's perfectly-crafted emo shitting.

The worst one was when that crazy transvestite dude from PA referred to his "Tucson family" and said how we should pick him up at the bus station and let him live on my couch.  I thought the fucker would never stop harrassing me about my "betrayal" (ie, my failure to let a complete stranger with mental issues live on my couch for free, in the same house as my kids, despite his threats of suicide if I didn't comply).  Remember that?  Half of it occurred out in the open, the other half in PM.

I remember that.  I was feeling awful about it, because that person had been trying to get hold of me via chat, and I had been sleeping at the time, but had chat open.  They had posted a few "oh no gonna die" types of things in there, too.  

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And now I regret never PM-ing Roger with my problems.

It's never too late!



To be honest, though, most of them are complaints and/or dire threats of revenge for the ruination of someone's perfectly-crafted emo shitting.

The worst one was when that crazy transvestite dude from PA referred to his "Tucson family" and said how we should pick him up at the bus station and let him live on my couch.  I thought the fucker would never stop harrassing me about my "betrayal" (ie, my failure to let a complete stranger with mental issues live on my couch for free, in the same house as my kids, despite his threats of suicide if I didn't comply).  Remember that?  Half of it occurred out in the open, the other half in PM.

I remember that.  I was feeling awful about it, because that person had been trying to get hold of me via chat, and I had been sleeping at the time, but had chat open.  They had posted a few "oh no gonna die" types of things in there, too.  

I think I saved the better PMs from that retard as image files.  I'll show you them after work.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

 

#1:  Yes, I can help you with your delinquent kid.  Please send the kid - and a cashiers cheque for $10,000 - to me in Tucson.  We'll soften him up with some trench work, and then sic him on golfers.  Yeah, it's a little pricey, but not as expensive as the lawyer fees you will surely face before long.  You'll turn on the TV one day, and there's Obama, shot right through the gizzard, and when they show the little screwhead who did it, it will be your kid grinning at the camera.

Also, don't worry about the window thing.  Any kid who doesn't smash windows should have his head examined.  Have YOU ever heaved a brick through a window?  It's great fun...It makes a hell of a noise, and the people inside run around like Germans during the Dresden fire bombing.

Um, better make that $20,000.  Yeah, I couldn't possibly take the little monster on for less than that.

Your price was better on FB  

[Freeky]

And now I regret never PM-ing Roger with my problems.

It's never too late!



To be honest, though, most of them are complaints and/or dire threats of revenge for the ruination of someone's perfectly-crafted emo shitting.

The worst one was when that crazy transvestite dude from PA referred to his "Tucson family" and said how we should pick him up at the bus station and let him live on my couch.  I thought the fucker would never stop harrassing me about my "betrayal" (ie, my failure to let a complete stranger with mental issues live on my couch for free, in the same house as my kids, despite his threats of suicide if I didn't comply).  Remember that?  Half of it occurred out in the open, the other half in PM.

I remember that.  I was feeling awful about it, because that person had been trying to get hold of me via chat, and I had been sleeping at the time, but had chat open.  They had posted a few "oh no gonna die" types of things in there, too.  

I think I saved the better PMs from that retard as image files.  I'll show you them after work.

Excellent.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

#1:  Yes, I can help you with your delinquent kid.  Please send the kid - and a cashiers cheque for $10,000 - to me in Tucson.  We'll soften him up with some trench work, and then sic him on golfers.  Yeah, it's a little pricey, but not as expensive as the lawyer fees you will surely face before long.  You'll turn on the TV one day, and there's Obama, shot right through the gizzard, and when they show the little screwhead who did it, it will be your kid grinning at the camera.

Also, don't worry about the window thing.  Any kid who doesn't smash windows should have his head examined.  Have YOU ever heaved a brick through a window?  It's great fun...It makes a hell of a noise, and the people inside run around like Germans during the Dresden fire bombing.

Um, better make that $20,000.  Yeah, I couldn't possibly take the little monster on for less than that.

Your price was better on FB  

Rising price of delinquincy, I'm afraid.  I'm still cheaper than a private prison.

[Freeky]

It's pretty fun trying to guess what you're answering or who you're answering based on available data. I'm pretty sure I know who #10 is for, and what #7 is about.  The rest of them, I have no clue, but that's okay.

[Richter]

#9.  Nonsense.  I am a clean-living Holy Man™...Any and all substances I "abuse" are used purely for communing with Gods so YOU don't have to.  Ever talk to the Gods?  They're a bunch of punks.  They're really only dangerous when they form gangs, or "help" Richter with the cooking when he isn't looking.  You especially have to keep a close eye on the "Western" gangs, when they're not raping maidens, they're picking fights by proxy and getting loads of people killed.  The Irish Gods are the fucking worst...When they're not hanging around the pub trying to look tough, they're cutting innocent Formorian's heads off as a joke.

I'm not the only one.  Get me around the right people in a work shop or kitchen, and the Divine Intervention^tm stacks.  I think "Shit Foundry" might be clsoer to the truth than "Shit Magnet".

[Luna]

#9.  Nonsense.  I am a clean-living Holy Man™...Any and all substances I "abuse" are used purely for communing with Gods so YOU don't have to.  Ever talk to the Gods?  They're a bunch of punks.  They're really only dangerous when they form gangs, or "help" Richter with the cooking when he isn't looking.  You especially have to keep a close eye on the "Western" gangs, when they're not raping maidens, they're picking fights by proxy and getting loads of people killed.  The Irish Gods are the fucking worst...When they're not hanging around the pub trying to look tough, they're cutting innocent Formorian's heads off as a joke.

I'm not the only one.  Get me around the right people in a work shop or kitchen, and the Divine Intervention^tm stacks.  I think "Shit Foundry" might be clsoer to the truth than "Shit Magnet".

I'm thinking Brew Day, and the fact that people are gonna die when that bottle comes out...

[Jenne]

HAHA!  These are hilarious!