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Responses to PMs, part II

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 31, 2011, 05:22:57 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

March 31, 2011, 05:22:57 PM Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 05:29:26 PM by The Good Reverend Roger
Here you go.  Names and even questions removed.  You know who you are.

1.  Dear Pissed at the School District:  No, your kid is not "misunderstood".  Your kid is what we in the business call a "prick".  He is not special, and you have done him a grave disservice by telling him that he is.  He is just another po'bucker swine waiting for his inevitable incarceration, and shouldn't be allowed around other children.  The fact that he is already a racist at age 15 implies that your parenting skills aren't up to managing a goldfish, let alone humans.  Please stop breeding, and sell the kids you DO have off to medical research.  It'll be better for everyone.

2.  Yes, I really DO hate Pagans, at least as they are most commonly represented.  While I DO have some Pagan friends, they haven't managed to take the very worst parts of Christianity, leaving out the few remaining good bits, and mashed it all up into a cult of personality (Seriously, if you have to show someone like C_A deference, you are DOOMED.).  Nor do they insist that I call their 30-something ass an "elder" (WTF?  Are you MORMONS or something?), AND they have at least a nodding acquaintance with the shower AND the gym.  And, yes, I do openly laugh at your religion, and it's not the good kind of laugh.  If you'll pardon the expression, "die in a fire".

3.  No, I do NOT think it is "unreasonable" for my friends to sound off in Apple Talk about the state of their relationships, the health of their various animals, or their financial situation.  It's one of the things Apple Talk is FOR.  Stop being a fucking board nanny.  Technically, you're still a Goddamn noob, and you haven't exactly made a stellar impression on anyone.

4.  I agree that PH has potential.  He is also, however, a fucked up little entitled trust-fund pay'bucker who needs the bullshit knocked out of him.  His only real hope is to at least do the National Guard, because he is the one person most in need of a drill sergeant's attention that I have seen on this board in over a year.  Otherwise, he's doomed to being some form of MBA, and dying Pink.  He makes my fucking teeth itch.

5.  AND HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU, SPARKY?  Fuck off and die, you useless tit.  I can't fucking stand you OR your buddy EBS.  Do not mistake this for "joking around" or "mere irritation".  I fucking hate you all, and want bad things to happen to you.  Serious, here.

6.  Yes, she's "damaged".  We all are.  If we weren't, we wouldn't fucking BE here, we'd be off with our peers, drinking mint fucking julips on the golf course.  Just where, exactly, do you think you are?  Merehumes.com?  She can post what she likes, and you, Ma'am, can FUCK RIGHT OFF.

7.  Yes, sometimes I just sort of walk away from a good idea.  I lose the urge, and then anything I do appears - at least to me - as contrived.  In this case, however, it was a BAD idea, and I have re-thought things, and decided that the most we SHOULD be doing is laughing while the monkeys drive over the cliff.  Yes, they're taking us with them...I'm comfortable with that.

8.  No, beer doesn't make you closer to Eris.  It makes you drunk.  You get closer to Eris FIRST, and THEN you gobble pills and swill cheap alcohol.  You are getting cause and effect mixed up.  Do you think we Holy Men™ like drinking too much bourbon, and staggering around until someone picks a fight?  Why, yes...Yes, we do.  But we're Holy Men™, and you aren't.

9.  I am utterly unimpressed by your threats of "karma", "3-fold laws", or "curses".  Curses only work on people that believe in them, first of all, and also there's not much your curse could do that wouldn't make me hate life or the world anymore than I do right now.  So, yeah, I'm going to continue harassing your fellow smelly hippies in the park once a month, only now I'm going to do it twice as bad.  Fuck you and your "Lord & Lady", right in the ear holes.  You people are everything that is wrong with America, all wrapped up in one smelly little package.  Get a fucking life.

10.  No, I've had a vasectomy.  You will need to get Overman™ genes elsewhere.  I shall suggest ECH, though you will need a hockey helmet and a specially reinforced set of kneepads with some of that no-skid stuff on them, and I'd also suggest that you get GOOD AND DRUNK first, because he's not what you call "normal" in any sense of the word.  But isn't it worth all the agony and unreturned phone calls, to have a kid that will be a civic menace and completely socially unacceptable?  


SPECIAL BONUS #11.  While I have limited experience in the region, a tourist mostly, I think you pretty much have heaven on fucking Earth there, and unless you're willing to do your grad work at the U of A, I think you are making a big mistake.  You live in an actual CITY, not some horrible sprawl of strip malls and template architecture.  There's actual CULTURE there, even if you have to club hipsters out of the way to get to it, and you have music that is not limited to bad Southern Rock Tribute bands.  Even Chicago sucks compared to where you are.  The only thing that comes close is New York, and I don't have to tell you what a step down THAT is.  But if you can't be talked out of it, there's always room in Tucson.  We love it here.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Salty

#1
March 31, 2011, 05:31:38 PM
Hey these are great! Though they make me question the mental precision and sense of self-preservation in some our board members. 1,3 and 6 in particular.

The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

East Coast Hustle

#2
March 31, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
I'm pretty sure I never want to know who asked #10.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
March 31, 2011, 05:44:08 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on March 31, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
I'm pretty sure I never want to know who asked #10.

Be nice, or I'll tell you.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

#4
March 31, 2011, 05:55:58 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 05:44:08 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on March 31, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
I'm pretty sure I never want to know who asked #10.

Be nice, or I'll tell you.   :lulz:

I wanna know.  Or, rather, I want you to tell us to see ECH squirm.  :lulz:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
March 31, 2011, 05:59:10 PM
Quote from: Luna on March 31, 2011, 05:55:58 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 05:44:08 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on March 31, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
I'm pretty sure I never want to know who asked #10.

Be nice, or I'll tell you.   :lulz:

I wanna know.  Or, rather, I want you to tell us to see ECH squirm.  :lulz:

Sorry, it would violate my ethics to post the users involved or the actual questions.  Also bear in mind that the person in question asked for MY gametes.  Since they are no longer in print, I suggested ECH.  He is, I am confident, up for any program.  And I mean ANY program.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

#6
March 31, 2011, 06:00:58 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 05:59:10 PM
Quote from: Luna on March 31, 2011, 05:55:58 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 05:44:08 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on March 31, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
I'm pretty sure I never want to know who asked #10.

Be nice, or I'll tell you.   :lulz:

I wanna know.  Or, rather, I want you to tell us to see ECH squirm.  :lulz:

Sorry, it would violate my ethics to post the users involved or the actual questions.  Also bear in mind that the person in question asked for MY gametes.  Since they are no longer in print, I suggested ECH.  He is, I am confident, up for any program.  And I mean ANY program.

Didn't figure you'd say.   :wink:

These are great.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
March 31, 2011, 06:01:33 PM
Quote from: Alty on March 31, 2011, 05:31:38 PM
Hey these are great! Though they make me question the mental precision and sense of self-preservation in some our board members. 1,3 and 6 in particular.

Most of them make me question their grasp on reality.  We Holy Men™ have more important things to do than answer weird fucking PMs that arrive, unsolicited, in our PM boxes.  Why people single me out for this sort of thing - and then expect me to give them comforting answers - is utterly beyond me.

The only reason I bother with them is for the hate mail that invariably results from my answers.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Richter

#8
March 31, 2011, 06:05:20 PM
#10 is getting set up for prophylactic euthanasia.  Roger "forgot" to tell them to check the load bearing capacity of the structure they'd be using, and local zoning ordnances.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Adios

#9
March 31, 2011, 06:06:11 PM
Wait...those are real questions?  :?

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
March 31, 2011, 06:06:18 PM
Quote from: Richter on March 31, 2011, 06:05:20 PM
#10 is getting set up for prophylactic euthanasia.  Roger "forgot" to tell them to check the load bearing capacity of the structure they'd be using, and local zoning ordnances.

ECH has a special harness that will keep HIM safe, so no worries.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
March 31, 2011, 06:06:42 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on March 31, 2011, 06:06:11 PM
Wait...those are real questions?  :?

Those are responses to real questions.

I am a freak magnet.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Adios

#12
March 31, 2011, 06:07:31 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 06:06:42 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on March 31, 2011, 06:06:11 PM
Wait...those are real questions?  :?

Those are responses to real questions.

I am a freak magnet.

Humanity is fucking doomed.

Dysfunctional Cunt

#13
March 31, 2011, 06:08:11 PM
 :scared:

I have a strange feeling #6 was about me.....

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
March 31, 2011, 06:10:43 PM
Quote from: Khara on March 31, 2011, 06:08:11 PM
:scared:

I have a strange feeling #6 was about me.....

Nope.  I'd really rather not give out any details.  The person who PM'd should just take their spanking and move along.

I get about 5 hilarious PMs a week, often from people who have never posted on the board itself.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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