Roaring Biscuit's Typical Mind

[Roaring Biscuit!]

In which I tackle the worlds misconceived faux-pas with my wealth of inexperience.

First up:

GARLIC BEFORE A DATE.

Frankly.  Fucking do it.  I fucking love garlic, people who don't probably aren't worth knowing, in fact non-garlic lovers should probably be avoided at all costs.. They're probably vampires.  Hell, I equate "ability to use a garlic crusher" with "culinary genius" in most cases.  In fact, don't even bother eating the garlic, just get some garlic butter and lather it onto your earlobes.  In fact why not go the whole hog and turn entirely naked except for garlic butter so I can wrap you in spaghetti.

Ermm...

In conclusion:  Demand information on garlic preference beforehand.  Your pre-date communication should break down like this (in descending order of importance):  Garlic Preference (if no feign an important commitment at the last minute), Place, Time and Name/Sex (unless indifferent).

More incoming, I'd also welcome suggestions and will answer any tough questions you might be struggling with in your love life!

x

edd

[Bruno]

Garlic crushers are for posers.

[Phox]

 

[Bruno]

SMASH IT WITH YOU'RE FACE!

[Roaring Biscuit!]

NO. 2  YOUR DATE HAS ACTUALLY FUCKING ANSWERED THEIR MOBILE AT DINNER

THIS, is incredibly rude.  It's something I've done by accident if I'm honest, and sometimes, it REALLY IS an important call.  How to make those awkward moments when your date is having a great conversation with an old friend while your sitting in silence waiting for zer attention to drift back your way?  Easy, pretend to be on the other end of the call, and laugh along with them!  You could even get your own mobile out to complete the illusion.  After they hang up I suggest you punch them in the face and leave*.  This is a sure-fire way to get a second date and end up in that hateful, abusive, "happy ever after" Hollywood relationship we all dream of.

*lightly, if they're a lady, gotta be a gent after all

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Me & Mr. Language used to make arrangements to assure that if one of us ate garlic or onions pre-date, the other one did too.

[Jasper]

Garlic crushers are for posers.

This.  Finely minced with sea salt or gtfo.  Hobart if there's a clock on it. 

I once ate so much roasted garlic I felt high.  It was life-changing.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Mince it, chop it, crush it, what the fuck ever. Just make tasty food and eat it without being a pretentious shitfuck about it.

[Jasper]

Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.

On most accounts of things like this I'd be right behind you, but I've personally noticed that different preparations get different flavors.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.

On most accounts of things like this I'd be right behind you, but I've personally noticed that different preparations get different flavors.

Right, so different recipes should use different preparations for different results, and everybody should prepare their fucking food the way that tastes best to them, regardless of what some other douche says is the One True and Only Right Way.

I have very little patience for pointless elitist dickbaggery today. Seriously, "garlic crushers are for posers"? "Minced with sea salt or GTFO"? What kind of dillhole useless poseur bullshit is that?

[Jasper]

I guess my generation is more likely to talk like that casually.  I'm not really prepared to dig in my heels on that one, because it really is just garlic.

[Phox]

I guess my generation is more likely to talk like that casually.  I'm not really prepared to dig in my heels on that one, because it really is just garlic.

I don't say stupid shit like that. Just sayin'

Phox,
Not one to let an argument go. 

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.

You actually use ARIAL font?

:disgust:

[Phox]

Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.

You actually use ARIAL font?

:disgust:

LOLWAT. Why are you dissing the absolute coolest font ever?