How to be Horrible at Home, part 1

[Don Coyote]

It also gave me real insight on the idea of "gray".  These guys believed the lies about having to settle down and be good little citizens, worry about shit like the lawn and keeping up appearances.

And it occurred to me that being "disreputable" isn't just fun, it's necessary.  After all these years, I finally understand The Terrible Old Man, and what he tried to tell all of his descendants...It ain't about what you have, but about who you are, and whether or not you enjoy your life, or just tolerate it.

Fuck, yes.

I'm beginning to wake up and realize that this divorce may be one of the better things that's happened to me.

1.  It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

2.  You're never too old to rock n roll.

3.  The fun never stops, even though you might.  So don't stop.

4.  Each day, ask yourself if you're grateful to be alive.  If you're ENJOYING it.  If you aren't, find out why and change it.

5.  Happiness cannot be measured in terms of small green paper rectangles, though they DO make things easier.  But rock n roll isn't about "easy".  It's about stomping all over your life and teaching your life who the fucking boss is.

I need to make this my mantra.

[Succulent Plant]

My son is 17 years old.  He's already enlisted in the marines, and has a disturbing tendency to act far too responsibly for his age.

Now, being a 17 year old, he MUST rebel.  Here's where the fun is.  He comes in last Friday night at 2AM, while I'm downstairs grabbing a sammich, as I was up far too late reading.

Me:  "Hey, kid, what's up?"

Ian:  "I didn't mean to be this late."

Me:  *shrug* "Curfew doesn't apply to 17 year olds in Tucson."

Ian: "..."

Me:  "What?"

Ian:  "I thought you'd be mad or something."

Me:  "About what?"

Ian:  "Me being out so late."

Me:  "Why?"  (Puzzled look on face) "You're a grown man."

Ian (out loud):  "Oh."  (Look on face):  RAGE AGAINST TEH...WAIT!  WAT?



Rebelling against Dad is like rebelling against Lenny Bruce. 

TGRR,
Zen and the Art of Parenting.

Horrors! I was raised in a christian cult that was practically Amish so at 17 I did what all good teenagers do, rebelled and ran off from home.  But what you've described here - nothing to rage at - that would REALLY fuck a teenager up.  heh heh 

[Reginald Ret]

I just have to be home before my mother inevitably wakes up because her 6th sense tells her I am not home and OMG SHE MUST BE DEAD.  Which is more than reasonable I think, especially considering some of my friend's experiences with parents....They usually make me do this.   

Sounds like your mom and mine are quite alike.
I handled it differently though.
I just couldn't relax as long as I knew I could be found.
It took me years to break her so I could spend some time unfindable without her freaking out when I got back.
Breaking her left some scars on her, i often flinch when she is too careful in asking things of me.
It's one of the few things that are a constant reminder that i am just another horrible human, just as bad as all the others.

[ch3mist]

Yes, he'll have nobody to blame but himself.  

I think everyone here that has ever been or had a parent knows that's not true.  

[Freeky]

Yes, he'll have nobody to blame but himself.  

I think everyone here that has ever been or had a parent knows that's not true.  

Just because you are a screwed up little monkey who can't deal doesn't mean everyone else is.

[Suu]

Yes, he'll have nobody to blame but himself.  

I think everyone here that has ever been or had a parent knows that's not true.  

Fate is inevitably in your own hands. I know quite a few people who are excellent human beings despite their upbringing. Just because you failed at growing up doesn't mean you blame it on your parents.

[Luna]

Yes, he'll have nobody to blame but himself.  

I think everyone here that has ever been or had a parent knows that's not true.  

Fate is inevitably in your own hands. I know quite a few people who are excellent human beings despite their upbringing. Just because you failed at growing up doesn't mean you blame it on your parents.

Truth.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I think that is one of my biggest peeves.  People who continue to use their terrible childhood into adulthood as an excuse for being a pathetic excuse for a human being.  At some point you have to pull on your big girl panties and take responsibility for your own actions.  There is nothing less attractive than a 30 something person who is a complete shit and says "Oh it isn't my fault, I had a terrible childhood....."  

Yes, I may end up being the reason my children need years of therapy, but as they say kids do not come with an instruction manual.  I did my best and if my best isn't/wasn't good enough, then I really am sorry.  Do better with your own kids and be very very happy I didn't raise you like my parents did me.

[LMNO]

Yes, to a point.  I have a friend who is going through therapy because she was having a really hard time, and fairly severe emotional and social problems.  As she dug through her past, she started realizing that her mom was a really horrible person, and that it corrupted any sense of a normal relationship or social skill she may have developed.

So, now she's aware of it, and it's not an excuse, but it is a reason.  She's dealing with it the best she can, but this isn't one of those things where you can just say, "get over it, already" and it goes away.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Yes, to a point.  I have a friend who is going through therapy because she was having a really hard time, and fairly severe emotional and social problems.  As she dug through her past, she started realizing that her mom was a really horrible person, and that it corrupted any sense of a normal relationship or social skill she may have developed.

So, now she's aware of it, and it's not an excuse, but it is a reason.  She's dealing with it the best she can, but this isn't one of those things where you can just say, "get over it, already" and it goes away.

There are exceptions to everything.  I mean is there one single topic that there is never an exception(s) too?  I was speaking in general terms.... 

Which I'm pretty sure you knew already...... 

[Luna]

Yes, to a point.  I have a friend who is going through therapy because she was having a really hard time, and fairly severe emotional and social problems.  As she dug through her past, she started realizing that her mom was a really horrible person, and that it corrupted any sense of a normal relationship or social skill she may have developed.

So, now she's aware of it, and it's not an excuse, but it is a reason.  She's dealing with it the best she can, but this isn't one of those things where you can just say, "get over it, already" and it goes away.

The difference being that she's dealing with it, rather than waving it like a "I get to be a useless human because" flag...  I think that's the point Khara was trying to make, there.

[LMNO]

Yes, to a point.  I have a friend who is going through therapy because she was having a really hard time, and fairly severe emotional and social problems.  As she dug through her past, she started realizing that her mom was a really horrible person, and that it corrupted any sense of a normal relationship or social skill she may have developed.

So, now she's aware of it, and it's not an excuse, but it is a reason.  She's dealing with it the best she can, but this isn't one of those things where you can just say, "get over it, already" and it goes away.

There are exceptions to everything.  I mean is there one single topic that there is never an exception(s) too?  I was speaking in general terms.... 

Which I'm pretty sure you knew already...... 

Wasn't meant to be a criticism regarding your parenting.

Consider that a general response to anyone who says, "childhood sucks - get over it."

Yes, it does.  But sometimes, it's harder than that.

[Suu]

There's a big difference in saying, "My childhood sucked, so I'm entitled to do nothing the rest of my life but bitch."

and saying, "My childhood sucked, but you know what? I'm going to do anything within my power as an adult to work through this damage and make it right."


I'd like to call it bipedalism.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Yes, to a point.  I have a friend who is going through therapy because she was having a really hard time, and fairly severe emotional and social problems.  As she dug through her past, she started realizing that her mom was a really horrible person, and that it corrupted any sense of a normal relationship or social skill she may have developed.

So, now she's aware of it, and it's not an excuse, but it is a reason.  She's dealing with it the best she can, but this isn't one of those things where you can just say, "get over it, already" and it goes away.

There are exceptions to everything.  I mean is there one single topic that there is never an exception(s) too?  I was speaking in general terms.... 

Which I'm pretty sure you knew already...... 

Wasn't meant to be a criticism regarding your parenting.

Consider that a general response to anyone who says, "childhood sucks - get over it."

Yes, it does.  But sometimes, it's harder than that.

Well I never thought about it being a criticism to my parenting, now I'm just....  so yeah.

And I wasn't saying "childhood sucks - get over it". I was saying that at some point as an adult you have to take responsibility for your own actions, you cannot spend you entire life blaming you actions or lack there of on your childhood.

I never said anything that I see that you can construe as "childhood sucks - get over it"  More along the lines of nobody's childhood is perfect, we all have our degrees of terrible.  Move the fuck on from it.

[Succulent Plant]

There's a big difference in saying, "My childhood sucked, so I'm entitled to do nothing the rest of my life but bitch."

and saying, "My childhood sucked, but you know what? I'm going to do anything within my power as an adult to work through this damage and make it right."


I'd like to call it bipedalism.