Sex.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Sex is just sex. It should be had as often as possible, with as many people as possible. Allowing your emotions to interfere with your sex life is, IMO, depriving yourself of another awesome way to enjoy life.

The last time we had a thread on this I said pretty much the same thing and I got called a slut!  

Personally, I've been celibate for a number of years.  Probably explains why I'm such a fucking bitch.

I think women (in general, men do this too) put too much emphasis on "the meaning" or "the connection" or they add in emotions.  That's all well and fine if you are in a relationship at any phase.  However, sex in itself is something that can certainly be enjoyed without any bullshit attached to it, just because it feels good.  As long as you are careful, you aren't screwing around with someone's significant other or screwing around on your own SO and the other person knows what they are doing, it's all good.

Yeah, waiting on the slut comments to start.....

Um yeah, I'm mostly staying out of this because I've had my fair share of being called a slut, as well.

I am going to make the comment that your psychology and your body are not separate things, so you can't separate sex from emotion. Your brain, up in your head, and all your glands, make all sorts of glorious juicy chemicals that affect your mood and affect bonding with your partner. So, if you're going to fuck everything that moves (anybody remember that magazine? I had a subscription, way back in the day when I was more interested in girls than boys) it's wise to keep in mind that it's natural to have feelings of affection and tenderness for your partner, even if it's a near-stranger, and let that happen rather than try to compartmentalize.

Which brings me to what I find creepy about swingers. It's not the act of partner-swapping or the promiscuous sex. It's that the swingers I have met from the "scene" come across as calculating and predatory. They have a rule that emotional involvement is completely taboo... and that lack of human connection leads to a pretty icky vibe IME. I don't like being around it. I don't like being assessed as a piece of meat, and that's what it feels like.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So sayeth I, some tool in front of a computer, telling you what you already know. aka THE VALIDATOR

This cracked me up.

[Suu]

Sex is just sex. It should be had as often as possible, with as many people as possible. Allowing your emotions to interfere with your sex life is, IMO, depriving yourself of another awesome way to enjoy life.

The last time we had a thread on this I said pretty much the same thing and I got called a slut!  

Personally, I've been celibate for a number of years.  Probably explains why I'm such a fucking bitch.

I think women (in general, men do this too) put too much emphasis on "the meaning" or "the connection" or they add in emotions.  That's all well and fine if you are in a relationship at any phase.  However, sex in itself is something that can certainly be enjoyed without any bullshit attached to it, just because it feels good.  As long as you are careful, you aren't screwing around with someone's significant other or screwing around on your own SO and the other person knows what they are doing, it's all good.

Yeah, waiting on the slut comments to start.....

Um yeah, I'm mostly staying out of this because I've had my fair share of being called a slut, as well.

I am going to make the comment that your psychology and your body are not separate things, so you can't separate sex from emotion. Your brain, up in your head, and all your glands, make all sorts of glorious juicy chemicals that affect your mood and affect bonding with your partner. So, if you're going to fuck everything that moves (anybody remember that magazine? I had a subscription, way back in the day when I was more interested in girls than boys) it's wise to keep in mind that it's natural to have feelings of affection and tenderness for your partner, even if it's a near-stranger, and let that happen rather than try to compartmentalize.

Which brings me to what I find creepy about swingers. It's not the act of partner-swapping or the promiscuous sex. It's that the swingers I have met from the "scene" come across as calculating and predatory. They have a rule that emotional involvement is completely taboo... and that lack of human connection leads to a pretty icky vibe IME. I don't like being around it. I don't like being assessed as a piece of meat, and that's what it feels like.

After Herb and I were splitsville, I had a random hookup with a friend of mine. I remember texting you and telling you how empty I felt. We agreed it wasn't right.

-Suu
Swears by Nigel for sex/divorce advice

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Can that really be considered "celibacy", though?

I mean, I joke that I was straight edge in boarding school because they banned smoking, there was no easy way to obtain alcohol, and no one wanted to fuck me.

I would think that celibacy would mean having the desire and opportunity to fuck, and choosing not to.

Well in that case, it's stupid.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Sex is just sex. It should be had as often as possible, with as many people as possible. Allowing your emotions to interfere with your sex life is, IMO, depriving yourself of another awesome way to enjoy life.

The last time we had a thread on this I said pretty much the same thing and I got called a slut!  

Personally, I've been celibate for a number of years.  Probably explains why I'm such a fucking bitch.

I think women (in general, men do this too) put too much emphasis on "the meaning" or "the connection" or they add in emotions.  That's all well and fine if you are in a relationship at any phase.  However, sex in itself is something that can certainly be enjoyed without any bullshit attached to it, just because it feels good.  As long as you are careful, you aren't screwing around with someone's significant other or screwing around on your own SO and the other person knows what they are doing, it's all good.

Yeah, waiting on the slut comments to start.....

Um yeah, I'm mostly staying out of this because I've had my fair share of being called a slut, as well.

I am going to make the comment that your psychology and your body are not separate things, so you can't separate sex from emotion. Your brain, up in your head, and all your glands, make all sorts of glorious juicy chemicals that affect your mood and affect bonding with your partner. So, if you're going to fuck everything that moves (anybody remember that magazine? I had a subscription, way back in the day when I was more interested in girls than boys) it's wise to keep in mind that it's natural to have feelings of affection and tenderness for your partner, even if it's a near-stranger, and let that happen rather than try to compartmentalize.

Which brings me to what I find creepy about swingers. It's not the act of partner-swapping or the promiscuous sex. It's that the swingers I have met from the "scene" come across as calculating and predatory. They have a rule that emotional involvement is completely taboo... and that lack of human connection leads to a pretty icky vibe IME. I don't like being around it. I don't like being assessed as a piece of meat, and that's what it feels like.

After Herb and I were splitsville, I had a random hookup with a friend of mine. I remember texting you and telling you how empty I felt. We agreed it wasn't right.

-Suu
Swears by Nigel for sex/divorce advice

I am the DIVORCE MASTAH!

Yeah, the only times I've felt bad about myself after sex is when it was with someone I didn't care about romantically. I've fallen into bed with strangers I had an instant attraction to and come out of it with lifelong friends, but there's something in that decision path that differentiates between "Hot stranger I want to fall in love with for the night and then be friends with" and "person I don't REALLY want to fuck, I'm just going through the motions to distract myself from my pain".

[Suu]

Well, it wasn't that we didn't want to fuck, it's just that I think we were so into the idea of it that we disappointed ourselves.  (that and his dick was smaller than what I was used to........by a long shot.)

We're still good friends, but there's a definite change now. I almost miss the sexual tension and fun we had with that BEFORE sleeping together, that's for sure.

[trippinprincezz13]

I can count the # of people I've been with on one hand, which appears to be a rarity in my age group (not a judgment, just an observation). I had a few casual flings after the end of my first long-term relationship and...I don't necessarily want to say I regret it but, looking back, I could have gone without. It just wasn't fulfilling and I felt kinda dirty afterwards (and not the good kind). Of course, as I said, I was just coming out of a long, kinda traumatic relationship, so I wasn't in a good headspace as it was. Maybe I would feel differently about it if that wasn't the case, but meh, it is what it is. I dunno, I just think I prefer to have some sort of emotional connection with the person I'm with. While I may regret a lot of what happened with my first long-term relationship, I can't say I regret sleeping with him because there was something there at one point. I've been with the same guy for almost 6 years now and while we may not go at it like rabbits like in the beginning it's still great whenever we do - a combination of the emotional connection, being comfortable with each other's bodies and knowing what the other person likes. Plus the fact that being with someone long term allows for more experimentation and for some of the kinks to work their way in. Personally, I'm not going to bring out the whips and chains (hypothetically speaking) the first or even first several times. Again, it's the comfort level.

If that makes me prude of the year, well then, at least I won something.

As for anyone else, well who am I to say what gets you off? Everyone has their own thing. As long as you're not hurting yourself (emotionally speaking) or others with your sex life, do what you will. As long as it's not with my man I have no concern as to what you do with your genitals. For me, monogamy works. *shrug*

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah, I don't think there's really a one-size-fits-all answer to any of this.

The one thing that I think is true for everyone is that your head should be in a good place so you don't do harm to yourself or others with your sexual expression.

[Slyph]

Celibacy's perfectly valid.

Actually, you're totally wrong about that. But that's just nature's way of getting that particular brand of wrongness out of the gene pool, so I guess I'm OK with it.

We're using different definitions of "Valid", as in: I'm not falling for the naturalistic fallacy.

[AFK]

I have no idea what this sex thing is y'all are talking about.  I'm married with children. 

[*GrumpButt*]

I have only been with five people.

Three of them were 'fuck for fun'. After each of these I regretted it..

I am prude when single. I don't want it at all.

When I am in a relationship, usually my SO has trouble keeping up.

[AFK]

I have only been with five people.

How many goats?



sorry

[*GrumpButt*]

I have only been with five people.

How many goats?



sorry

Shiiiit I didn't know goats counted....

That would bring the count up to about 35 then.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have only been with five people.

How many goats?



sorry

Shiiiit I didn't know goats counted....

That would bring the count up to about 35 then.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

When I was in high school I was the kid they picked to be both virgin and a slut. I don't know how I did it but I got daily updates on how my sex life was going. Apparently not only was I amazingly frigid to the point of being able to make ice just by touching water but I was known for disappearing under the bleachers to fuck any number of boys, teachers, and gym equipment.

I found this odd since anytime I wasn't in a class, I was in the library.