ITT: Name Your Personal Demons

[Cramulus]

Unpaqua – He waits for me when I return from a trip. He whispers "You're too tired to unpack today. Maybe tomorrow." Weeks later, he drinks in my laziness as it radiates from my laundry bag.

Lobstaru, the Pincher – He lives in the seconds of indecision spent at the grocery store deciding between two nearly identical products.

Hurgador – He makes me want to eat the most gross and disgusting fast food possible. I only eat McDonald's every few months, but it is always because I've failed to resist Hurgador. He travels along highways and rides with me on long journeys.

Res Pliar – A contentious voice that lives inside my head. He makes me think I sound smarter if I am disagreeing with something or critiquing something. His cousin, called "Yeabut", insists that debate and disagreement are the most exciting parts of conversation.

Indelmaus – Indelmaus guards the veil between my life as it is now and the life it could be. He likes his prey fat and complacent. His arrows make a sound like "You're too old" or "Who cares?"

Charagars – He is a demon who makes the digital world seem more real than the material world. He likes it when I'm antisocial because my REAL friends are elsewhere.

Bhangharos – He gets stoned with you on the couch and when you want to get up, he shoots down your ideas.

Null and Void – Twin demons who work in concert. Null tells me that my life will be improved by keeping a quiet, monastic Discordian lifestyle.  Void tells me that the Discordian Monastic lifestyle is just escapism. Neither are technically wrong, what makes them demons is that they only work their magic when I'm stressed and inclined to say "fuck it". In this, they both serve delusion.

Umberwold – He is the fear of what I've chosen to miss.

Harbonath – He protects his big brother Umberworld by supporting my aversions and reifying them as part of my identity.

Fogeryn the Jade – He curbs my drive by saying "Been there," and "done that." He is a spirit of jadedness and cynicism. When a plan is forming, he makes the worst outcome seem the most likely.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  This is like the best Pokemon EVER.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Tobacco-Thu - "I'll quit next week."

Early Times - "Running down the street naked is a perfectly reasonable form of midnight exercise."

The Dread Valium God - "ATTN, SINNERS!  ACK COUGH HORK SPIT!"

Variance - "Paperwork makes the maintenance world hum."

Faux Pas Ad Fundum - "It seemed like the thing to do at the time."

[AFK]

Annal, The Obsessor: If I don't empty and clean out that coffee pot NOW, all hell is going to break loose.  Or those dishes.  Or if I don't pick up that thing right there.  By Jesus my head will explode!

[Luna]

Sylfdobt - She's the one who tells you what you REALLY are.  The one who points out every glaring flaw, every stupid mistake, every terrible misjudgement you've ever made.  She knows them ALL, and she whispers reminders of how little you can be trusted, particularly when you've got to focus on getting things DONE.  After all, if you're not reminded of how bloody stupid you can be, you might be even stupider NEXT time, right?

[Cuddlefish]

Grab-O, The Plastic Crack Addict - I am generally a "happily low-income" person (no, I am not just saying this to make myself feel better about my current financial situation). That is, until the covetous Grab-O gets his sights on a Botcon exclusive that he just must have, or an imported Japanese Optimus Prime (which, I guess I already have, but just not in those colors! Damn, you Grab-O). I've worked hard to eliminate this demon, but it is resilient and plays on a incorrectly wired "lizard" brain. And even now, when he chooses to awaken, my entire life gets derailed.

[Salty]

Pohrknap- Sits on top of me after SPECIAL and INTIMATE times with certain ladyparts and won't let me get up unless I really need a drink of water. And even then...

Burpbap- He lives inside my mouth and shoves words and phrases out like "Well that was fucking stupid wasn't it." and "Actually, I don't give a shit. In fact, I  stopped listening as soon as you started talking." and "Dumbass."

SHAKALOOT- Lives in my car and forces me to shake my fist in a general "YOU ARE A FUCKING JERKOFF!" gesture. He usually picks the most mentally unstable drivers to gesture to.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

WOLOLOL - Encourages me to fuck with people who Have It Coming.

Methistopheles - Encourages me to consume unhealthy quantities of caffeine.

Shibboleet - Encourages me to continue posting on this God-forsaken shit hole of a forum.

[Cramulus]

IA IA! SHIBBOLEET FHTAGN

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Gluteus - Lurks in my preconscious, analyzing woman's butts for future glancing.

Bananatos - Notices an oncoming vehicle slowly veering over the double yellow—steers my car ever so slightly towards the fuck.

[Jasper]

Rose - She once incarnated as the security guard at my old high school, who must have had an IQ of 75.  She sends cop cars to tail me for minutes on end on the highway.  Has the aspect of authority without reason or thought.

Woohaha -  He is the one who makes things funny just because they shouldn't be.  He causes laughter at funerals, all schadenfreude, and most of the behavior of kids under 5.

[Richter]

Khorneflakeout:  "It's fucked, it will always be fucked, and the monkey kids will just fuck it more if you make it nice.  Burn it now and get a laugh out of it."

Demonstraistion:  "They're doing it wrong.  Teach them."

Sparky:  "They're fucking with you.  Fuck back, now, or they'll never stop.  Walk right over and tell the bitches not to email you with that kind of tone."

Malebulge: "YOU ARE HIDEOUS.  DO I MEAN ON THE INSIDE OR OUT?  YES!"

Rote: "Everything, fundamentally, can be rendered down to, and treated as a point of data or an applicable principle.  Then crunched."

BightBack:  (Responsible for screaming at loud toddlers, cussing out pedestrians, growling at people in front of me for the sammich line, and taking the throat of anything that goes to touch me at the wrong time.  Not one for talk.)

Foodler: "They took your chicken.  You had saved that so you would have a reliable meal, infrastructure that they have now undercut, threatening your home support and financial bottom line.  This can only lead to you starving as they feed.  Take their lives."

Echo:  "Fuck!  They just heard you think that!  Shit!  This is worse than the time in kindergarten when you...."

Steppa:  "Keep moving!  Don't Stop!  AIEEEEEEEEEEE!"

[Suu]

Douchbagrius: He forces my attraction toward the wrong kinds of men.

Blueis: Helps Douchbagrius in making me fall in the trap.

Maltohoptolemus: Convinces me to imbibe in the fermented libation of grains often.

Accuritus Maximus: Compels me to make sure that everything I study and recreate is as historically accurate as possible.

Malleus Felicitas: My unability to ever be truly happy.

StoptherideIwannagetoffnowplease: The feeling that I want everything to just end, finally, and let me get back to "normal".

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Apathaperie: Measures, in exacting and exhausting precision, just how much of a fuck needs to be given to get anything done and then vetoes the expenditure.

Daidreaum: An invasive imp that delights in projecting images of all the marvelous things I could be doing with my time if I weren't stuck doing this, this, that, or the other really boring and meaningless thing I have to do. Like work or file taxes.

. . . . . . . . .

Panic's Paean: The never-ending howling, shrieking, wail in my brain and blood that tells me everything I'm doing is wrong and is going to get me killed, beaten, left destitute on the side of the road, locked up in a nut-hut, worse, etc just like everything I ever did as a kid got me beaten, yelled at, starved, worse, etc.

Sucie d'Feat: A malicious demon that whispers how easy it would be to quit, give up, go far far away, take the final leap - right before I wake up or while I'm trying to go to sleep - or when Panic's Paean is playing its loudest.

[Nadezhda]

Omnomnomius: the demon that convinces me to finish the last three cookies/carrots/cake slices/etc.

Like, Moniquwah: sits on my chest and reads shitty vampire novels.  As she is invisible and heavy, I end up having to read the shitty vampire novels too.

Procrastinus Scholarus: "Pfff, you don't even need to start researching this easy 12 page paper until the evening before it's due!"