Quotes of the Moment II

[Pæs]

"Internet on the phone is so prohibiting sometimes." - Facebook post via mobile

[Suu]

Sister calls: HAPPY CROTCH DAY!

Me: ...thanks.

Sister: They don't make cards for crotches.

Me: Thank you for being so support of my crotch situation.

Sister: Good luck at the crotchatologist!

Me: I'm sure it will be crotchtastic.

Sister: Don't be so crotch-ity.

Me: ...I hate you.

[Cain]

From a teacher friend of mine:

(Me, going over my student's fight club essay): Did you purposely put the word dildo in the middle of this sentence?
(Student) yeah. It reflects the fragmentation of his masculinity and it was my existential choice. And it's kinda fun to put dildos and dicks in my paper. (Me): did you prep that answer for me?
(Student): yup. Sounded pretty smart huh?

[Suu]

From a teacher friend of mine:

(Me, going over my student's fight club essay): Did you purposely put the word dildo in the middle of this sentence?
(Student) yeah. It reflects the fragmentation of his masculinity and it was my existential choice. And it's kinda fun to put dildos and dicks in my paper. (Me): did you prep that answer for me?
(Student): yup. Sounded pretty smart huh?

Give that asshole an A!

[Triple Zero]

Sister calls: HAPPY CROTCH DAY!

Me: ...thanks.

Sister: They don't make cards for crotches.

They don't? I bet she didn't even look.

If my leg weren't in a cast, making wandering through the city center somewhat cumbersome, I'd check this awesome postcards shop we have here, they have so many weird cards there's got to be something (un)suitable.

Also, you can get back at her when she calls next time asking how it was, tell her you feel uterrific.

[Luna]

Sister calls: HAPPY CROTCH DAY!

Me: ...thanks.

Sister: They don't make cards for crotches.

They don't? I bet she didn't even look.

If my leg weren't in a cast, making wandering through the city center somewhat cumbersome, I'd check this awesome postcards shop we have here, they have so many weird cards there's got to be something (un)suitable.

Also, you can get back at her when she calls next time asking how it was, tell her you feel uterrific.

Trip.  Come here.  I need to smack you, now.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

"At least it will all be over in 3 weeks."
- Lieutenant Benard Montgomery/1914

Fact.

[Triple Zero]

BUT LUNA IM TRYING TO HELP!

(no?)

[Luna]

BUT LUNA IM TRYING TO HELP!

(no?)

Help all you like.  I just occasionally like smacking pretty men.

[Cain]

(16:19:40)<Cain>oh Tesco, I love how you assume we are all stupid
(16:19:54)<Cain>"no artificial colours, flavouring or preservatives"
(16:20:19)<Cain>this milk is pink, tastes of strawberries and can last for a month in my fridge

[Juana]

Seriously? I'm pretty sure if the pink was strawberry pink, it wouldn't be the color I assume Tesco strawberry milk it (meaning it looks like ours).


Shoe Ears: where are the pickles? I need to rule over the pickle sea. *retrieves fork from drawer*
Agent GARBO: ..."Pickle sea"?
Shoe Ears: Yes. Pickle sea. With my trident fork of death. Come here, my subjects!

[Cain]

I know the distinction between natural and unnatural is somwhat arbitrary at the best of times, but when your flat out contradicting your packaging, that is something special.

Not that anyone will do anything.  Tesco is like the Godzilla of supermarket chains, and will crush anyone who tries to fuck with it, even on the smallest of issues.  Let's put it this way: Asda are owned by Wal-Mart over here., who pump significant money into them in hope of undermining the local competition.  Tesco are still beating the crap out of them in terms of sales and profits and owned politicians.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I must take a moment to point out that strawberries will make milk distinctly strawberry-flavored and turn it bright pink, and that also for some mysterious reason ultra-pasteurization is not considered an "artificial preservative" and will make milk keep for a month. Which frankly creeps me out.

My dad used to grow strawberries on his farm which were a variety with an intense flavor, specifically for the jam and flavorings industry. Best strawberries ever, but you can't buy them in the supermarket because they're small, spoil easily and don't transport well.

[BadBeast]

It's cheaper for Tesco to import irradiated Mexican Strawberries, at the height of our own strawberry growing season, than it is to get British Strawberries 20 miles from the field to the shelf.

Our poor Strawberry farmers then have to fill out the ever growing pile of EU Subsidy claim forms, where they get paid for not growing certain (randomly picked, by Neil Kinnock) crops, eg; If he grows Strawberries this year, he can claim an EU Subsidy for not growing. . . . . . . sustainable tropical hardwood, or Sargasso kelp. Then they moan on local radio about how they can hardly afford to buy a new combine harvester this year, to harvest all the crops they haven't grown!

[Suu]

Yesterday's final:

"Essay Question #3: The "Syllabus Police" is bringing your history professor to a hearing questioning why she put "Frankenstein" on the course list. While preparing for her defense, she faints under pressure, now it's up to you, the student, to prepare and give a passable defense as to why the book should stay in the curriculum."

Me:

"To the assembled masses of the Syllabus Police and the students, Romans, and faculty herein. Allow me to give you my defense as to why "Frankenstein" should be read as part of the course curriculum for HIS310....

blah

blah

blah

...And that's why we should be allowed to read Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" in this course.

Thank you."

*Applause!*



Yep. I even wrote the applause.

Give me my A, please.