Quotes of the Moment II

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Boyfriend just came home early.

Me: "Wow, you're uh...really early today."

Him: "Yeah, we finished the class early."

Me: "Powerpoint presentation and then out?"

Him: "No...shipping personal goods."

Me: "...what?"

Him: "Yes, and the lady that was going to show us didn't show up."

Me: "Wait, they teach you how to ship packages in the Navy?!"

Him: *nods* "You have no idea what they fucking cover in C-School, it's a joke. And, once I move commands again, they have to teach me...AGAIN!"

Me: "Well...They certainly are, uh, thorough?"

Him: "Please, you should be there for the, 'So this tool is called a screwdriver' class."

Sad thing is they have to teach and re-teach these bullshit classes because some jackass will fuck things up like trying to use a screwdriver to unjam a printer that was incorrectly shipped overseas.

Yeah, but have yeah had them following your dinner like oh fuck really

oh

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Boyfriend just came home early.

Me: "Wow, you're uh...really early today."

Him: "Yeah, we finished the class early."

Me: "Powerpoint presentation and then out?"

Him: "No...shipping personal goods."

Me: "...what?"

Him: "Yes, and the lady that was going to show us didn't show up."

Me: "Wait, they teach you how to ship packages in the Navy?!"

Him: *nods* "You have no idea what they fucking cover in C-School, it's a joke. And, once I move commands again, they have to teach me...AGAIN!"

Me: "Well...They certainly are, uh, thorough?"

Him: "Please, you should be there for the, 'So this tool is called a screwdriver' class."

Sad thing is they have to teach and re-teach these bullshit classes because some jackass will fuck things up like trying to use a screwdriver to unjam a printer that was incorrectly shipped overseas.

Yeah, but have yeah had them following your dinner like oh fuck really

oh

Then oh come on really.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Twid facebook status: Little tired. I have a small to do list, but I'm going to blink at the screen for a bit first.

Twidcousin: To do lists make me pull a blanket over my head.

Twid: Not me. I like making lists. I just don't like them telling me what to do. I'm like a deity. I bring lists into being and then ignore them until they fade away.

Twid: "It's Sunday! Didn't I tell you to keep holy the Sabbath by not doing anything? By the way, the Sabbath is 7 days long."

Twid-ex: Wait, does that mean I don't need to do chores for a week?? What say you MrPastorFriend?

Twid: I can answer for him. You're an atheist. You must do chores everyday.

Twid-ex: Awww. D:

Twid: SOMEONE has to listen to the list.

Twid: Hey MrPastorFriend, take the week off. You're a holy man.

Twid: You too, MrsPastorFriendWhoWasOrdainedFirst

Twid-ex: So wait, this is like my punishment? Work for the unbelieving? Crap. Hey MrPastorFriend, got some water?

Twid: Atheists go to Hell. Hell is unwashed dishes and a pile of laundry.

Twid: What, you want fire and brimstone instead? You can go to the heavy metal concert after you take out your trash, mop the floors and throw away the questionably expired food.

Twid: I'm feeling weirdly creative. Might have to put another item on the list.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

From one of the many Portland hate blogs:

Snell Snipper
on September 9, 2013 at 3:33 pm said:
1. The weather kills me. I am so sick of wet ankles and wet shoes and crappy hair.
2. Umbrellas are retarded. They just blow inside out. I went through 10 one winter. I am defeated and give up.
3. People drive like assholes. Stop driving slow in the fast lane.
4. The passive aggression is out of control.
5. The Portlandia show makes me want to barf. Not funny.
6. The white people complaining about "gentrification" and claiming that they are not a part of the gentrification because they have lived here longer than you
7. The words Sustainability and green. Barf
8. All of the apartments/condos being built without the proper amount of parking
9. Its true, people dress like they just rolled out of bed
10. Anarchist, Slacker kids
11. Grocery stores such as New Seasons and Whole Foods where the clerks and the customers act like they are better than you
12. The crappy school system. 40% drop out rate
13. Bikers who pass other bikers right in front of your car without looking. Seriously, are you retarded? Are you trying to ruin my day? I don't want to be traumatized by running over a biker. Pay attention.
14. Entitlement
15. There is nothing going on downtown Portland
16. Why can't I buy my ticket on the MAX train? Why isn't anybody checking your ticket?
17. Why can't you people drive in the snow?
18. Driving in the rain
19. Suburban commuters
20. Conservative people who leave comments on blogs
21. Parades
22. intersections without stop signs
23. The ON ramp from the Morrison Bridge onto I5North. Seriously, who was on crack when making that decision.
24. Nobody gives a shit about East Portland. Its super ghetto w/ gravel roads
25. Racism
26. The cost of living has skyrocketed but our salaries have not gone up
27. Most of the local politicians are gross. Yuck.   

I love #2. 

[Don Coyote]

Boyfriend just came home early.

Me: "Wow, you're uh...really early today."

Him: "Yeah, we finished the class early."

Me: "Powerpoint presentation and then out?"

Him: "No...shipping personal goods."

Me: "...what?"

Him: "Yes, and the lady that was going to show us didn't show up."

Me: "Wait, they teach you how to ship packages in the Navy?!"

Him: *nods* "You have no idea what they fucking cover in C-School, it's a joke. And, once I move commands again, they have to teach me...AGAIN!"

Me: "Well...They certainly are, uh, thorough?"

Him: "Please, you should be there for the, 'So this tool is called a screwdriver' class."

Sad thing is they have to teach and re-teach these bullshit classes because some jackass will fuck things up like trying to use a screwdriver to unjam a printer that was incorrectly shipped overseas.

Yeah, but have yeah had them following your dinner like oh fuck really

oh

Then oh come on really.

What?

So much what?

[Reginald Ret]

Boyfriend just came home early.

Me: "Wow, you're uh...really early today."

Him: "Yeah, we finished the class early."

Me: "Powerpoint presentation and then out?"

Him: "No...shipping personal goods."

Me: "...what?"

Him: "Yes, and the lady that was going to show us didn't show up."

Me: "Wait, they teach you how to ship packages in the Navy?!"

Him: *nods* "You have no idea what they fucking cover in C-School, it's a joke. And, once I move commands again, they have to teach me...AGAIN!"

Me: "Well...They certainly are, uh, thorough?"

Him: "Please, you should be there for the, 'So this tool is called a screwdriver' class."

Sad thing is they have to teach and re-teach these bullshit classes because some jackass will fuck things up like trying to use a screwdriver to unjam a printer that was incorrectly shipped overseas.

Yeah, but have yeah had them following your dinner like oh fuck really

oh

Then oh come on really.

What?

So much what?

Oh really following your have but.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Via Cordelia The Enucleator:

Boss: What are you eating?
Cordelia: Yogurt with grape nuts.
B: Oh my god, I thought it was gravy.
C: Actually it is. I'm an American. It's my birthright to sit in my office and eat a bowl of sausage gravy with a spoon, and no one can take that away from me. Especially not today. ESPECIALLY not today.
B: I can't believe you just said that.
C: (spooning yogurt into her face) Never forget, boss.

I just realized that Cordelia is like the Roger of eyeballs.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Via Cordelia The Enucleator:

Boss: What are you eating?
Cordelia: Yogurt with grape nuts.
B: Oh my god, I thought it was gravy.
C: Actually it is. I'm an American. It's my birthright to sit in my office and eat a bowl of sausage gravy with a spoon, and no one can take that away from me. Especially not today. ESPECIALLY not today.
B: I can't believe you just said that.
C: (spooning yogurt into her face) Never forget, boss.

I just realized that Cordelia is like the Roger of eyeballs.

I think Cordelia is AWESOME, based on what you've said about her, and what I've seen of her on Facebook.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Via Cordelia The Enucleator:

Boss: What are you eating?
Cordelia: Yogurt with grape nuts.
B: Oh my god, I thought it was gravy.
C: Actually it is. I'm an American. It's my birthright to sit in my office and eat a bowl of sausage gravy with a spoon, and no one can take that away from me. Especially not today. ESPECIALLY not today.
B: I can't believe you just said that.
C: (spooning yogurt into her face) Never forget, boss.

I just realized that Cordelia is like the Roger of eyeballs.

I think Cordelia is AWESOME, based on what you've said about her, and what I've seen of her on Facebook.

She is. RAD RAD RAD. Also if you ever make it out I hope to introduce the two of you so I can see what happens when the universe implodes from sheer terror.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Via Cordelia The Enucleator:

Boss: What are you eating?
Cordelia: Yogurt with grape nuts.
B: Oh my god, I thought it was gravy.
C: Actually it is. I'm an American. It's my birthright to sit in my office and eat a bowl of sausage gravy with a spoon, and no one can take that away from me. Especially not today. ESPECIALLY not today.
B: I can't believe you just said that.
C: (spooning yogurt into her face) Never forget, boss.

I just realized that Cordelia is like the Roger of eyeballs.

I think Cordelia is AWESOME, based on what you've said about her, and what I've seen of her on Facebook.

She is. RAD RAD RAD. Also if you ever make it out I hope to introduce the two of you so I can see what happens when the universe implodes from sheer terror.

HOT DOG!  But I'm wearing goggles.  You can't be too careful.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Via Cordelia The Enucleator:

Boss: What are you eating?
Cordelia: Yogurt with grape nuts.
B: Oh my god, I thought it was gravy.
C: Actually it is. I'm an American. It's my birthright to sit in my office and eat a bowl of sausage gravy with a spoon, and no one can take that away from me. Especially not today. ESPECIALLY not today.
B: I can't believe you just said that.
C: (spooning yogurt into her face) Never forget, boss.

I just realized that Cordelia is like the Roger of eyeballs.

I think Cordelia is AWESOME, based on what you've said about her, and what I've seen of her on Facebook.

She is. RAD RAD RAD. Also if you ever make it out I hope to introduce the two of you so I can see what happens when the universe implodes from sheer terror.

HOT DOG!  But I'm wearing goggles.  You can't be too careful.

That's a very, very good idea. I hear that when she goes in she's so fast you can't even see her move.

Well, and then you don't see anything ever again.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Via Cordelia The Enucleator:

Boss: What are you eating?
Cordelia: Yogurt with grape nuts.
B: Oh my god, I thought it was gravy.
C: Actually it is. I'm an American. It's my birthright to sit in my office and eat a bowl of sausage gravy with a spoon, and no one can take that away from me. Especially not today. ESPECIALLY not today.
B: I can't believe you just said that.
C: (spooning yogurt into her face) Never forget, boss.

I just realized that Cordelia is like the Roger of eyeballs.

I think Cordelia is AWESOME, based on what you've said about her, and what I've seen of her on Facebook.

She is. RAD RAD RAD. Also if you ever make it out I hope to introduce the two of you so I can see what happens when the universe implodes from sheer terror.

HOT DOG!  But I'm wearing goggles.  You can't be too careful.

That's a very, very good idea. I hear that when she goes in she's so fast you can't even see her move.

Well, and then you don't see anything ever again.

On the other hand, I could have her make them DETACHABLE, so I could LITERALLY throw them at my wife's ass.

[Suu]

Sister: *Sends pic of stormy sky* I found Mt. Olympus.
Me: What did you do to piss off Zeus?
Sister: I didn't, it's sunny near me.
Me: Great, he's trying to impregnate you. Watch for showers of gold.
Sister: No gold here, however, I wouldn't mind that terribly. I could give birth to a demigod.
Me: True...but he could end up with some bad powers.
Sister: Unlikely, I'm pretty fucking awesome.
Sister: ...I can't believe we're talking about this. There is something fundamentally wrong with us.
Me: I'm a classics minor, I have an excuse. You're just a nerd.
Sister: So true.
Me: Though I admit, if I have to give birth to a demigod, I'd want to be by Ares. God of war and all that.
Sister: Good one, not sure who I would go with.
Me: Apollo and Hermes are both known and noted manwhores.
Sister: Yes, but I don't think I could fuck Hermes, the winged boots...they could flap when he gets excited.
Me: I...just...I...
Sister: I JUST BROKE YOUR BRAIN WITH HERMESEX.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually seen on Facebook yesterday:

Who's Vladimir Putin? Is he a politician?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Actually seen on Facebook yesterday:

Who's Vladimir Putin? Is he a politician?

Very nice.