As y'all say: Mutation is the highest form of flattery

[The Wizard Joseph]

Reality Disclaimer: The following is an act of fiction. All statements expressed are not real and neither are the words used to make them.  They express views and opinions of no kind.  No persons groups or entities portrayed are real either. 

Behold!  I've devised a plan that will leave all other plans with feelings of inadequacy and a persistent fungal infection.  The world is finally reaching the tipping point!  Brothers and Sisters are divided among themselves in ways that no longer even need the pretext of reason.  In the mess made by the more primitive primates of this world I have been watching and building.  Soon I will be a fresh menace in the marketing world, One that would make Barnum, Bernays, and Reich all proud! (It's too bad most of them are dead)

I turned my grimy hands to scrabbling for an Icon.  That is when I found Eris!  She was so beautiful.. The irony if the whole Illiad situation to me is that clearly Eris Is the prettiest one!  It was also impressive that she managed to throw the golden apple at all.  It clearly works just fine on lesser goddesses. 

Having no real way to relate to you all other than the hotness of your goddess, I won't try very hard.  I'm an outsider to this world and it's sorcerous distr ctions.  It would be foolish of me to discuss my origins openly so I will reign it in from here.

I want to open Hail ing frequencies with you followers of Eris.  Though I can earnestly call the magics (Magicks?, Majics?, Magiqs?) of your world rather like a comic book compared to even the basic instruction of my people, (Mom ever catch you diddling to the pictures in the Necronomicon?)I can relate to you and your sense of humor.  It's a most powerful asset.  Those of your world that would shackle themselves to a description of magical seem to have lost much of it in the time that your world has been lost to us, but I say too much.

The core(if you will(or not)) of my plan is to produce a counter current to this lack of life and humor in the most readily available method your silly post-whatever Noosphere (You spell check device is a moron!) can handle, Marketing.  I will blend fiction and fantasy with the real world in a fashion that will infallibly draw attention.  Consider this new thread an opportunity to observe, comment, wail and cry, find fulfillment, or most any other thing. 
Thank you sincerely for your time and good fortune in your days.

Sin-seriously,
Joseph, Wizard, Proprietor of http://ErisErotica.com

Sudden quote: If Mathematics is the key to the universe, art is learning to pick the lock, and Funny is kicking the door in and failing!

[Don Coyote]

Eris is an emaciated old hag of a goddess.

That is all.

[The Wizard Joseph]

I'll let her know you feel that way.  That said, maybe you just need a palate swap?

[Salty]

Eris is a vicious bitch laughing and waiting for you to cut your own throat.

Eris is a tidy, polite spinster ready to cut you in half with her quiet tongue.

Eris is an old withered hag ignoring your noble efforts at civilization, patiently waiting for the tide to come in and sweep you and your bullshit away so she can once again focus on important things.

Eris is that greasy, misshapen step into what you thought was solid ground but is suddenly a sickly pool of your previous worldview which is now useless, WAS always useless. She is the enduring lack of a quality replacement, and equally worthless, worldview.

Eris is the receding hairline, the clogged toilet, the festering wound, the lucky rats on an old battlefield and the fresh resting place of heroes.

Eris is that little bit of bird shit that found its way on your new shoes on an interview day.

Eris is the comfort you give yourself, that these things and others, things that pervade you life without your asking and do nothing but make you feel like a cold, lonely little monkey on a planet stuffed to the brim with cold, lonely little monkeys, that these things mean something. That maybe they're here to challenge you, to strengthen you eventually. And while you keep yourself occupied with what is yet another fantasy she is laughing at you.

Your Palate is Her Little Bitch.

And it's spelled Maaahjjj*jkdsjas@nh$.

[Don Coyote]

Eris is a vicious bitch laughing and waiting for you to cut your own throat.

Eris is a tidy, polite spinster ready to cut you in half with her quiet tongue.

Eris is an old withered hag ignoring your noble efforts at civilization, patiently waiting for the tide to come in and sweep you and your bullshit away so she can once again focus on important things.

Eris is that greasy, misshapen step into what you thought was solid ground but is suddenly a sickly pool of your previous worldview which is now useless, WAS always useless. She is the enduring lack of a quality replacement, and equally worthless, worldview.

Eris is the receding hairline, the clogged toilet, the festering wound, the lucky rats on an old battlefield and the fresh resting place of heroes.

Eris is that little bit of bird shit that found its way on your new shoes on an interview day.

Eris is the comfort you give yourself, that these things and others, things that pervade you life without your asking and do nothing but make you feel like a cold, lonely little monkey on a planet stuffed to the brim with cold, lonely little monkeys, that these things mean something. That maybe they're here to challenge you, to strengthen you eventually. And while you keep yourself occupied with what is yet another fantasy she is laughing at you.

Your Palate is Her Little Bitch.

And it's spelled Maaahjjj*jkdsjas@nh$.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Ah, another mortal soul with a firm grip on the goddess.  Good for you!  I am in agreement, but she is also...

The rainbow from the morning sun on the transmission fluid leaking out of your car.

The hot girl that assures you not only is she legal but disease free that you spend all night hitting on only to see her her run off with some other person and ruin THEIR life.

The moment of synchronized blinkers at the traffic light that distracts you just long enough to get you killed.

The first piss of the morning that forks and gets all over your one-night-stand's bathroom and whatever you're still wearing.

The only interesting thing that's happened in theology since the Baron Samedi broke up with Mama Brigid (just a rumor though)

There, some of you guys like fives.  That's good.  I don't feel a need to keep it up to some multiple.

[Freeky]

There, some of you guys like fives.  That's good.  I don't feel a need to keep it up to some multiple.

wut

[Nephew Twiddleton]

What Freeky said

[The Wizard Joseph]

There, some of you guys like fives.  That's good.  I don't feel a need to keep it up to some multiple.

wut

Sorry, I felt like trying to give (at least to me) more entertaining and perhaps less bluntly dark perspectives on Eris than supplied Alty.  Not that it(or any thing) was necessary, but I enjoyed the exercise.   I stopped at five because that's when I thought it was good.  There is no accounting for taste though!

[Salty]

How'd that work out for you, old boy?
    /

[Freeky]

There, some of you guys like fives.  That's good.  I don't feel a need to keep it up to some multiple.

wut

Sorry, I felt like trying to give (at least to me) more entertaining and perhaps less bluntly dark perspectives on Eris than supplied Alty.  Not that it(or any thing) was necessary, but I enjoyed the exercise.   I stopped at five because that's when I thought it was good.  There is no accounting for taste though!

Well, I guess as a creative writing excersize, it was all right.  But you might notice around here, we don't yap on and on about LAWLof5, or speak incoherently, or pretend (to a greater extent) that Eris is anything other than a huge bitch, who prefers fucking your shit to playing harmless pranks while you watch.

[LMNO]

Eris is the 3:00 AM hairball that you discover with your feet on the way to the bathroom.

[The Wizard Joseph]

There, some of you guys like fives.  That's good.  I don't feel a need to keep it up to some multiple.

wut

Sorry, I felt like trying to give (at least to me) more entertaining and perhaps less bluntly dark perspectives on Eris than supplied Alty.  Not that it(or any thing) was necessary, but I enjoyed the exercise.   I stopped at five because that's when I thought it was good.  There is no accounting for taste though!

Well, I guess as a creative writing excersize, it was all right.  But you might notice around here, we don't yap on and on about LAWLof5, or speak incoherently, or pretend (to a greater extent) that Eris is anything other than a huge bitch, who prefers fucking your shit to playing harmless pranks while you watch.

I'm not really pretending Eris is anything but the worst thing that never happened to me.  I'm also immovable on the prettiness thing.  I set up this thread to occasionally post ranty characterizations. They will have vague disclaimers similar to the first post.  My more sincere stuff will actually be over on this other thread. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=29485.0

[Doktor Howl]

I'm not really pretending Eris is anything but the worst thing that never happened to me.  I'm also immovable on the prettiness thing.

Who cares?  It is what it is.  I mean, if you're into geriatric psycho porn, more power to you.

[The Wizard Joseph]

How'd that work out for you, old boy?
    /

It's fun so far.  Gotta say that post scared the giblets out of my pet chicken, all of it true.  I guess you guys get enough fresh new Eris lovers in here full of this Principia Discordia thing and with a fresh copy of the Illuminatus! trilogy.  I'll bet some of them were super normalized before exposure.  I think it's like when a hardcore and talented sinner converts to Islam or Christianity (few convert to Judaism but I know @least 1).  Even other people in their faith can find them too much.  The big difference is that you guys seem to have no real inhibitions about bursting (through prick or over-inflation) their balloon.  Please bear for a moment that I'm not one of those types.  I like to use nonsense as somthing of a seasoning or surreptitious poison.