Respect your Elderz!

[Succulent Plant]

Some things I want to say to some old people in my life, but I don't because I don't want to deal with the ensuing drama (translation: I'm being a pussy.)  So I'm ranting about them here.  It will probably be TL;DR and emo-style shat.

Grandpa: You are an asshole of wildly putrid and festering proportions.  What kind of person beats their 5yo son with dog chains?  Or denies him medical treatment for a birth defect of the heart? Don't tell me its about the money.  I've seen you turn down money for plenty of fucked up reasons.  Like when you cancelled a contract with your renters because you found out they had a grandchild of mixed race staying with them, you racist fuck. And after denying your son medical treatment for the heart defect that you KNEW he was born with, you decided to never tell him that he even had a heart defect, and blame his wife when he had a massive heart attack that left him with less than 1/4 of his heart functioning. Dying in a fire would be too merciful for you. 

Grandpa in law: Do you fuck your mirror every night before you go to bed?  You're so fucking in love with your image and reputation, you sacrifice and torture the rest of your family in your weird attempt to maintain it.  You know what?  Most of the people you think you're maintaining this image with already think your a diseased cockwad. The only people you really have fooled are the people at your church.  They've already deluded themselves so much they can't tell that the grass is green.  They think its the color of Jesus, just like everything else.  Your son just died, and you let him live the last 5 years of his life thinking that he owed you all that money.  You never told your son that his son paid it back to you when he managed the business, and you took advantage your grandson's trust of you to tell him to keep it secret, that you'd "take care of letting him know".  Now he's dead you've been found out.  His widow was going to take you the money, neither of them are good with finances and neither realized that you were paid back.  Just how you wanted it right?  She said that you threw his "debt" to you in his face all the time for the last 5 years of his life.  He's dead now.  You talk about your relationship with Jesus, and your belief in the Bible.  I hope that your 'belief' does create that reality for you, and you get butt fucked in hell by all manner of demons for what you've done.

Grandma: I love you.  But please stop talking.  I don't want to hear about how submitting to my husband is the Biblical thing to do.  FYI, he likes me the way I am.  Yes I've voted non-Republican many times, and I know in your book that's a sin, but I really don't want to hear your opinion on it every fucking time I come to see you.  I love you, and you're old and might not be around long.  Can we have some conversations about the weather or what plants are in our garden for fuck's sake?  Yeah, I dress immodestly according to your standards, but you could overlook that and not mention how much 'classier' you think I look in a long skirt and long sleeved shirts every time I come over in shorts and a tank top. You could also quit lamenting the fact that I dye my hair.  Please and thank you.

Grandma in law: You don't fool me with your "I'm old and I have a hard time thinking" bullshit.  I saw the look in your eyes yesterday when you told your grandson who loves you that you didn't care if he was around or not, you were perfectly coherent and knew exactly what you were doing.  Go die in a fire.

[Doktor Howl]

PROTIP:  You can trust a born-again with most things, so long as NO MONEY IS INVOLVED.

[Adios]

There, there, dear. No need to get upset, you know we just want what's best for you.

[Succulent Plant]

PROTIP:  You can trust a born-again with most things, so long as NO MONEY IS INVOLVED.

Yep, noted.  But we noted it too late, the person who cared is dead.  We've discovered though that this particular Grandpa born-again can't be trusted with anything, not even simple words.  

[Succulent Plant]

There, there, dear. No need to get upset, you know we just want what's best for you.

Of course you do, I'll just keep quiet and show some respect. 

[Doktor Howl]

PROTIP:  You can trust a born-again with most things, so long as NO MONEY IS INVOLVED.

Yep, noted.  But we noted it too late, the person who cared is dead.  We've discovered though that this particular Grandpa born-again can't be trusted with anything, not even simple words.  

Every born-again I've ever met has been crooked as a politician, the moment money is involved.

One even hounded his own father out of business while in the pay of his father's competitors.  No shit.

[Adios]

PROTIP:  You can trust a born-again with most things, so long as NO MONEY IS INVOLVED.

Yep, noted.  But we noted it too late, the person who cared is dead.  We've discovered though that this particular Grandpa born-again can't be trusted with anything, not even simple words.  

Every born-again I've ever met has been crooked as a politician, the moment money is involved.

One even hounded his own father out of business while in the pay of his father's competitors.  No shit.

It's what Jesus would have done. Innit?

[Succulent Plant]

PROTIP:  You can trust a born-again with most things, so long as NO MONEY IS INVOLVED.

Yep, noted.  But we noted it too late, the person who cared is dead.  We've discovered though that this particular Grandpa born-again can't be trusted with anything, not even simple words.  

Every born-again I've ever met has been crooked as a politician, the moment money is involved.

One even hounded his own father out of business while in the pay of his father's competitors.  No shit.

It's what Jesus would have done. Innit?

Just as Jesus cursed and killed the fig tree for not producing fruit out of season so will his followers destroy their family and associates for money without giving a fig!