Rape

[Cain]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-16192494

Nearly 20% of women in the US are raped or suffer attempted rape at some point in their lives, a US study says.

Even more women, estimated at 25%, have been attacked by a partner or husband, the Centers for Disease Control said.

The findings form part of the first set of results from a nationwide study surveying sexual violence by intimate partners against men and women.

More than 24 people a minute reported rape, violence, or stalking, it says, with 12 million offences reported.

Experts at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) described the results of the first year of the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey as "astounding".

Among the key figures included in the survey's findings were:

    * more than one million women reported being raped in the 12 months prior to the survey
    * more than six million women and men were a victim of stalking
    * more than 12 million women and men reported rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner over the course of a year.

Lifelong hurt

"People who experience sexual violence, stalking or intimate partner violence often deal with the effects for their entire life," said Dr Linda Degutis, director of CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.

Many of those attacked experience rape or sexual assault in their early years, with almost 80% of rape victims suffering their ordeal before the age of 25.

Some 35% of women raped before they were aged 18 were also raped as adults, Dr Degutis added.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm buying one for home use. 

one isnt going to be enough.  once you get addicted *ahem* to them youre going to need one for the office...the car...and spares for when they get worn out.

You're ignoring the possibility that I might never take it off.  I could be having Sexhurt™ right in the morning meeting, and nobody would know.

This, for some reason, made me look at your custom text and once again giggle at "platonic dildo sharpener".

Payne gave me that Holy Name™ before he died.   

I miss Payne. 

my beloved has moved to a new house where there is no Internet access till January. THE MESSIAH SHALL RISE AGAIN!

WE NEED OUR MESSIAH.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-16192494

Nearly 20% of women in the US are raped or suffer attempted rape at some point in their lives, a US study says.

Even more women, estimated at 25%, have been attacked by a partner or husband, the Centers for Disease Control said.

The findings form part of the first set of results from a nationwide study surveying sexual violence by intimate partners against men and women.

More than 24 people a minute reported rape, violence, or stalking, it says, with 12 million offences reported.

Experts at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) described the results of the first year of the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey as "astounding".

Among the key figures included in the survey's findings were:

    * more than one million women reported being raped in the 12 months prior to the survey
    * more than six million women and men were a victim of stalking
    * more than 12 million women and men reported rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner over the course of a year.

Lifelong hurt

"People who experience sexual violence, stalking or intimate partner violence often deal with the effects for their entire life," said Dr Linda Degutis, director of CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.

Many of those attacked experience rape or sexual assault in their early years, with almost 80% of rape victims suffering their ordeal before the age of 25.

Some 35% of women raped before they were aged 18 were also raped as adults, Dr Degutis added.

This is some grim shit.

[Triple Zero]

Does it brighten things up a bit if I tell you that upon reading this line:

More than 24 people a minute reported rape, violence, or stalking, it says, with 12 million offences reported.

... I was imagining the seagull scene from Finding Nemo except they were shouting RAPE! RAPE! instead of MINE! MINE!

?

[jorgea]

I agree that rape victims are often seen as the ones who may have provoked rape in the first place. It's not fair all the pain the victim must endure because of it.

[Ari]

Thanks Nigel for starting this, and everyone who contributed thus far.
It's not easy writing a reply since it stirs up some very well hidden memories. I may have let go of it, and it won't sweep me off my feet anymore, but i will carry that emotional damage with me until i die, just like anyone else who has been raped. That's something i had to accept. Just like i had to accept what happened twenty years back and what far-reaching influence it has had, and in some way still has, on my behaviour. And it seems like the only people who can truly understand it, are the ones that have experienced similar shit.

What always puzzled me is that once the taboo gets broken and people manage to openly talk about rape, it's always about men raping women. But men get raped too and not just in prison. People like to pretend that this doesn't happen. I don't get it. And that whole focus on the stranger in the dark corner. As stated in this thread before, in most cases the rapist comes from the friends and family circles. Sex itself is portrayed in such twisted ways in our modern society, the fuck!?!

I used laughter extensively, still do to this day. Mostly to stay detached when talking about what happened to me (or when talking about the topic in general, to keep the dark inside at bay) -- or i laugh in conjunction with other techniques to keep myself in the present during those rare moments when it boils up on the inside due to some trigger.

I don't joke about it though. And most people who hear that special type of laughter can sense the chill within.
'Cause rape is not fucking funny.

~Planeswalker
strangely personal, yet happy to be able to type about it

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

You're right, men get raped too... I have a very dear friend who was raped when he was a teenager. It's not just a women's issue, and I think the dialogue will get a lot further when more men feel safe being included in it.

[LizKing531]

I wonder why I started perusing PD -

Then I read this thread.

Thank you -


I would like to craft something more out of the words & ideas in my head, but at the moment, I can only think of ....

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Cain]

While I agree with pretty much everything you wrote, Planeswalker, I would disagree with one facet of it:

Male on male rape is frequently discussed as part of the punishment of a jail stint, at least in the USA.  There are lots of jokes about it, "don't drop the soap while in the shower" and so on, but it's not only acknowledged that rape is frequent within jails, but is sometimes mentioned in an approving manner (because those suffering it are criminals, and so "deserve" it).

It wouldn't be entirely unfair to characterize certain prisons, especially the ones with a higher percentage of lifers, as places of systematic rape.  And part of the problem is the guards are frequently complicit in this, usually through turning a blind eye, but sometimes helping to facilitate it or take part also. 

[navkat]

There's an element of "blaming the victim" I sort of struggle with. I know it's not my fault but I'm soft, naive and put myself in a lot of stupid, vulnerable positions. I have little capacity to get angry unless that anger is directed at myself because as a child of abuse, I dissociate when I'm beng hurt and turn it against myelf later.

I'm a piss-poor bullshit detector and I feel guilty when others do bad things...allllll they have to do is blame me or imply that I had a hand in it. And they do.

I have a neon sign on me that screams "THIS ONE'S RIPE."

I have a responsibility to remove that sign...but I don't know how yet. I cope with pain by laughing at it...which is normalizing and feels good so my existence is rarely painful enough to end or get angry. I just laugh and try to emit a brighter, more positive light than what's been shined on me. My pain becomes a source of empathy.

I may be the only human being either too awesome or too stupid to be jaded.

#YearOfNo

[navkat]

But it's MOSTLY a woman's issue because it's a power thing, not a personal/sexual fulfillment thing. Men rape to show who's ultimately in CONTROL.

[navkat]

I struggled a lot with the shame end of it...and currently with how some of the things men do to me in more recent times equates to almost exactly the same sort of shame. There's an almost exact echo sometimes of that amalgamation of "I've been robbed, I've been had, I've been exposed/feel naked, I'm so stupid/ugly/worthless" sick feeling when someone proves they can and will TAKE whatever they want from you one way or another.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I struggled a lot with the shame end of it...and currently with how some of the things men do to me in more recent times equates to almost exactly the same sort of shame. There's an almost exact echo sometimes of that amalgamation of "I've been robbed, I've been had, I've been exposed/feel naked, I'm so stupid/ugly/worthless" sick feeling when someone proves they can and will TAKE whatever they want from you one way or another.

I've been there.

It's been really great and self-affirming to go in pretty much the other direction... not only able to draw boundaries and say no, but not having any qualms kind of being a dick about it if I have to say no more than once. Including basic safety issues, like accepting a ride from someone I don't know well or being alone in a room or letting someone walk me home. If I say "no thank you" and someone responds with "I insist!", my new default is FUCK YOU. The main thing to learn is to not be afraid of seeming rude or seeming like you don't like someone.

[navkat]

That's the real horror, isn't it? Compliance.