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Nigels's stupid dating story thread

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, August 04, 2011, 11:50:06 PM

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Phox

#180
November 13, 2011, 06:01:40 AM
OFUK. I WISH I LIVED IN PORTLAND. Then, Nigel could set up dates with all these folks and I could show up in her place. HOW'S THAT FOR A DATING TROLL?  :lulz:

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#181
November 13, 2011, 07:18:21 AM
Quote from: Doktor Murderbitch Deezy Mac C on November 13, 2011, 06:01:40 AM
OFUK. I WISH I LIVED IN PORTLAND. Then, Nigel could set up dates with all these folks and I could show up in her place. HOW'S THAT FOR A DATING TROLL?  :lulz:

BITCHES WOULD BE UNAWARE, BUT GRATEFUL. AND UNAWARE OF THEIR GRATITUDE.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#182
November 13, 2011, 07:18:56 AM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 13, 2011, 05:41:28 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2011, 04:09:57 AM
And a raft of replies from 50-year-olds who tell me that "nobody believes they could be their age"

Dude, 10 is not "within a few" years of my age.

-snort-


Also, you should teach them what you mean by "teoll".  Particularly the ones that are 50 or older.

Oh I AM.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Anna Mae Bollocks

#183
November 14, 2011, 03:33:32 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2011, 02:28:57 AM
Duuude.

I posted an ad tonight:

QuoteInternet troll seeks same - 40 (NE)
Date: 2011-11-12, 5:42PM PST

It makes me laugh. If you understand why I do what I do, then I want to meet you. I'm that loneliest of creatures, a girl troll, looking for my trollmate, IRL and online. Maybe I'm just a huge dick (LAWL) but I'm thin and prefer thin men within a few years of my age. There's something about having shared pop culture references that's kind of a big deal.

(Dyed) red hair/freckles/brown eyes. Big smile.

Of course I have pics. And if you ask whether I'm real, WAYSA?

And this is one of the replies:

Quotehey,, how goe,s it in the digital realm?? i,ma keep it short,,,, i,m real,, tired of trollin for the one who,s real also,, i,m 6ft1,, 180lbs,, yeah lean & fit,,, 46, u,d swear i was 35.. i,m single,, honest, easy going open-minded,, funny, i,m also and most importantly a daddy with sole custody of the most amazing 16mo. old lil boy ,,,,,,,, i work,, have my own home,,, here,s a cpl pics  sorry the one of me is the only one on this computer i have others in my phone,, usually i,m takin pics of my lil guy,,...and although with him my life is full of love and happiness,, i,m  lonely.. the lonliest of men it seems....dont make no sense... not into head games or bs,,  so i,m in ne also,, and we could probably relate to alot of the same music, culture etc.... hope to hear back,,,

HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.  :kingmeh:

KILL HIM WITH FIRRRRRE
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Freeky

#184
November 14, 2011, 07:08:42 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2011, 07:18:56 AM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 13, 2011, 05:41:28 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2011, 04:09:57 AM
And a raft of replies from 50-year-olds who tell me that "nobody believes they could be their age"

Dude, 10 is not "within a few" years of my age.

-snort-


Also, you should teach them what you mean by "teoll".  Particularly the ones that are 50 or older.

Oh I AM.
:lulz:

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#185
November 14, 2011, 08:00:16 PM
I am currently talking to an attractive-seeming art student/woodworker who lives in a house and has a car. He is not put off by the fact that I have kids and is worried that the fact that he smokes will be a dealbreaker.

Hmmmmmm

I'll probably go ahead and meet this one. I'm prepared to be disappointed, but what the hell?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#186
December 21, 2011, 02:27:43 PM
Wow. So after two pleasant dates, I went on a third date with the artist, bringing beer to his house to watch a movie because he was broke. He talked nonstop, including all through the movie, and didn't seem even slightly interested in getting to know anything about me. I skedaddled early and we did not make out. Figured it MIGHT just have been an off night for him though.

Then I went to Breitenbush, and then, the following exchange, which begins fairly normally:

Him:
QuoteHey Nigel. Are you back? Have a good time? Tomorrow? :-)

Me:
QuoteI had a great time! It was just exactly what I needed.

Tonight I am hanging out with my best friend before she goes to Mexico for her honeymoon. Talk to you soon!

A week later, him:
QuoteHas it been soon yet?

Me:
QuoteOh, there you are! I wasn't sure whether maybe you went somewhere for the holidays when I didn't hear back from you. How's it going?

Him:
QuoteEverything is well. I hope your week has been positive. It's Tuesday and I didn't know if you wanted to hang out...

My friends told me I made a mistake in "dating" protocol last time we hung out. I guess I was supposed to sex you up last time as it was our third date/hangout. Sorry. I figured that I would mind my manners since the time before I took it upon myself to fondle your boob.

Anyway, if you want to connect tonight (or soon) let me know. And, if you feel it, I can fulfill my duties from last time and "sex you up" if'n ya wanna. Otherwise, I will mind my manners.

WHOA WAIT WHAT???



"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Luna

#187
December 21, 2011, 03:11:02 PM
Erm..  No.  Just...  "No, thanks, I'd rather stay home and fap, don't call me again."
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

#188
December 21, 2011, 03:13:04 PM
Quote from: Nigel on December 21, 2011, 02:27:43 PM
Wow. So after two pleasant dates, I went on a third date with the artist, bringing beer to his house to watch a movie because he was broke. He talked nonstop, including all through the movie, and didn't seem even slightly interested in getting to know anything about me. I skedaddled early and we did not make out. Figured it MIGHT just have been an off night for him though.

Then I went to Breitenbush, and then, the following exchange, which begins fairly normally:

Him:
QuoteHey Nigel. Are you back? Have a good time? Tomorrow? :-)

Me:
QuoteI had a great time! It was just exactly what I needed.

Tonight I am hanging out with my best friend before she goes to Mexico for her honeymoon. Talk to you soon!

A week later, him:
QuoteHas it been soon yet?

Me:
QuoteOh, there you are! I wasn't sure whether maybe you went somewhere for the holidays when I didn't hear back from you. How's it going?

Him:
QuoteEverything is well. I hope your week has been positive. It's Tuesday and I didn't know if you wanted to hang out...

My friends told me I made a mistake in "dating" protocol last time we hung out. I guess I was supposed to sex you up last time as it was our third date/hangout. Sorry. I figured that I would mind my manners since the time before I took it upon myself to fondle your boob.

Anyway, if you want to connect tonight (or soon) let me know. And, if you feel it, I can fulfill my duties from last time and "sex you up" if'n ya wanna. Otherwise, I will mind my manners.

WHOA WAIT WHAT???





This is exactly the sort of shit that gives me hope for the human race.

Bearing in mind, of course, that I don't hope for the same things most people hope for.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#189
December 21, 2011, 04:07:14 PM
I assume that your hopes involve a lot of blood and screaming and grinding and bone fragments.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#190
December 21, 2011, 04:09:51 PM
Quote from: Nigel on December 21, 2011, 04:07:14 PM
I assume that your hopes involve a lot of blood and screaming and grinding and bone fragments.

Well, yeah, but that's not the whole picture.

There's also defenestration and dancing around wearing peoples' faces as a hat.

WHO'S LOOKING SWANKY IN HER NEW LEATHER FEDORA?  COULD IT BE NIGEL?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

P3nT4gR4m

#191
December 21, 2011, 04:23:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2011, 03:13:04 PM
This is exactly the sort of shit that gives me hope for the human race.

Bearing in mind, of course, that I don't hope for the same things most people hope for.

I am so committing this to memory and using IRL.



... with no attribution  :fuckmittens:

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#192
December 21, 2011, 04:24:31 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2011, 04:09:51 PM
Quote from: Nigel on December 21, 2011, 04:07:14 PM
I assume that your hopes involve a lot of blood and screaming and grinding and bone fragments.

Well, yeah, but that's not the whole picture.

There's also defenestration and dancing around wearing peoples' faces as a hat.

WHO'S LOOKING SWANKY IN HER NEW LEATHER FEDORA?  COULD IT BE NIGEL?

YAYYYYYYYY! A NEW HAT FOR ME!  :fap:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#193
December 21, 2011, 04:25:33 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on December 21, 2011, 04:23:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2011, 03:13:04 PM
This is exactly the sort of shit that gives me hope for the human race.

Bearing in mind, of course, that I don't hope for the same things most people hope for.

I am so committing this to memory and using IRL.



... with no attribution  :fuckmittens:

That's the sort of thing I'd expect from a Scottish border bandit.  You haggis-chomping swine are all the same.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

#194
December 21, 2011, 06:07:57 PM
You could tell him that his friends is are wrong and a douchebag.

Freeky,
Ruining people's swanky hat parties since 1987


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