Anachronisms

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

"He's too fat."      

This is a work of beauty, Dok!

The really funny part of that was being replaced by Michael Moore. 

Yeah, I wanted to poke fun at them as cultural icons, not political figures.

So nicely done!!!



Dok this whole series is absolutely hysterical!!!  Loving it!!

[Jenne]

"He's too fat."      

This is a work of beauty, Dok!

My fave line of that one was "WE GOTTA ROB THAT THING!"    I couldn't stop chuckling...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

THIS. IS. AWESOME!

[Richter]

NICE.  Waiting for moar.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I liked the way Michael Moore's Jabba The Hut frame was considered as possibly being lift-able, compared to Rush's. 

[Doktor Howl]

NICE.  Waiting for moar.

I was busy spamming CG with HIMEOBS pics today.  I will try to get to it tomorrow, though I have actual work to do.

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

Looking forward to it.  This is great.

[Doktor Howl]

The first officer of the Far Voyager approached the airlock to the hangar bay with a squad of rigorists.  The crew of the observation craft had not responded to their hails, and had not logged the correct number of probings.  This is why these unscheduled inspections were made, after all.  A few days in a punishment cell, and then an accounting.  And then a new crew, with the old one going in the recycler.

Just another day.

But when the hangar bay doors opened, two aliens wearing long coats and weird hats stood there smiling, each aiming two guns of some kind at the officer.

The tall one began chanting, or perhaps singing, something that his internal translator chip read as "It's a stickup, so put your hands in the air, and d-don't bring 'em down, keep 'em right up there."

The officer and the rigorists raised their hands.

The shorter one looked at the tall one.  "You don't rap during a train robbery.  You maybe sing George Jones tunes, but you don't rap."

"This ain't a train."

"Still, it's tradition.  You just don't do it."

"It's a free country."

"Lefty, you might have noticed that we're not in America at the moment."

"Yeah, that's what I said." 

"Point."

The first officer was getting a headache.  This was NOT going per procedure.  He dropped his arms, pulled out his stun baton, and briskly stepped forward.

The tall primate shot him in the right leg.

"AAAAIIIIIIIIEEE!  YOU SHOT ME!", he screamed, hearing the strange alien words come out of his mouth (you never really do get used to the translator chips).

"Well, yeah.  I told you to keep your hands up.  This is a robbery."

"A what?"  The first officer was a little dizzy, and it HURT, but he was reasonably sure his wound wasn't fatal.

"We're here to take your stuff.  It's what we do."

"This is most irregular.  You can't DO that."

"Looks like we are."

"Why?  Why are you doing this?"

"HAR!", the tall one said, "He spends decades probing primates, and he doesn't even learn enough to answer THAT question, Pancho?  These guys are idiots."

Pancho, the shorter one, gestured at the rigorists, who were unfortunately armed only with stun batons.  "What's with the brute squad, anyway?"

The observation craft's communications officer leaned forward and said "We did not log enough probings.  They would question us, then put us in the recycler."

"What?"

"We would be recycled into food or other organic products, and replaced with a new crew."

"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch."  Pancho turned to the first officer.  "I don't think I like you, mister.  You jackasses carry him.  We're going to the bridge."

The rigorists picked up the stricken first officer, and carried him ahead of the aliens and the crew from the observation craft.

"You try anything funny, and I'll shoot you ALL in the leg.", said Lefty, "I'm a very dangerous man."

"You're a primitive primate.", groused the first officer.

"Yeah?  Well, I don't shove people in the garbage disposal for not working hard enough.  And I don't spend years shoving metal rods up peoples' butts.  Someone's primitive here, and I think it's the guys with the high technology."

The first mate clammed up.

They walked through hallways for about a mile.

"Hey, jackass", said Pancho, "How come we haven't seen any crew?"

"Because it isn't shift change", the first officer responded, "They are either at their work stations, or sitting in their quarters."

"What, so you're either working or sleeping or just sitting there?"

"Yes", replied the first officer, "What else should they do?  Act like you primates, running all over the place?"

"Well, sure.  Everyone ought to have a good time."

The first officer mumbled something about barbarians.  Pancho just laughed.

They walked through an unremarkable - for the ship - door, which resembled the door of an elevator, and they were on the bridge.  A dark grey alien, a bit smaller than the rest, looked up from his chair.  Several other aliens sat at stations around him, roughly in a circle.

Lefty grinned, "We done hijacked the starship Enterprise!"

to be continued

[Jenne]

Ah--can't wait for the next installment and see what hijinks they get up to on the ship!

[Doktor Howl]

Ah--can't wait for the next installment and see what hijinks they get up to on the ship!

Yeah, this was more of a "building" installment.

The next one gets a little nuts.

I also decided, you may have noticed, that the aliens' culture is about as pleasant as, say, North Korea.

[Jenne]

  A little restrictive.  I noticed!  They are well-versed the ways of the "rat race."

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

 



I'm loving this series.... 

[Nadezhda]

I quite literally pissed myself, so happy to be wearing a diaper! 

I'd like to repeat this sentiment of how awesome this work is, but with less diaper 

[Luna]

I had a horrible visual...  a gray...  in Uhura's uniform.

Where the hell is my mental floss?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

The shorter one looked at the tall one.  "You don't rap during a train robbery.  You maybe sing George Jones tunes, but you don't rap."

"This ain't a train."

"Still, it's tradition.  You just don't do it."

"It's a free country."

"Lefty, you might have noticed that we're not in America at the moment."

"Yeah, that's what I said." 

"Point."