Anachronisms

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This is awesome. 

[Don Coyote]

I had a horrible visual...  a gray...  in Uhura's uniform.

Where the hell is my mental floss?

[move] [move] [/move][/move]

[Phox]

Dok, I hope you aren't writing this for a network. I'd hate to see it cancelled. 

[LMNO]

I am incredibly glad I read this.  A perfect way to start my morning back at work.

[Doktor Howl]

I am incredibly glad I read this.  A perfect way to start my morning back at work.

I have another 16 hour day today, so I might be able to add the next chapter.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I am incredibly glad I read this.  A perfect way to start my morning back at work.

I have another 16 hour day today, so I might be able to add the next chapter.

Yay!

[Freeky]

bunp


AWESOME

[Doktor Howl]

"Good LORD, just look at the SIZE of that thing!"

"Yessir, Mister President,  looks to be about 4 miles long."

"How is it staying there without roasting us or crushing us?"

"We have no idea.  Look, Mister President, you really need to get out of here.  These aliens sounded crazy last time."

"No, I can't run from the first alien contact in human history.  Besides, look at that thing.  It could blow Cheyenne Mountain to hell and gone."

The receiver set up in the White House crackled to life... 

"Okay, we got a bigger ship.  Send the fat guys back out."

Up in the ship, Pancho and Lefty were in tears.  The alien communications officer had released the transmit button and dissolved into helpless peals of his strange version of laughing.  The ship's former captain sat and fumed.

"Lighten up, compadre", Lefty said, "This is fun."

"We aren't here for 'fun'.  We are here to study your species."

"Well, you're about to get a first class education in dangerous primates.  Anyway, why are you studying us?  You've been doing it for decades, right?  What's the point, if you weren't even going to say hello?"

"To see whether you will make a good servitor species, or whether you should be exterminated."

"Say what?"

"Alien species are to be assimilated into the confederation, or eliminated as a threat."

Pancho turned to the communications officer, but kept his guns trained on the captain. "Tell the president to set up video.  A laptop computer ought to do it, right?"

"Yes, we can transmit directly to their router."

A few minutes later, the president and the secretary of state were looking at Lefty.

"Um.  Who the hell are you?"

"We're Pancho & Lefty, the best train robbers left in the United States, Mister President...And we've done stole us the biggest damn train ever.  Look, I need you to get some computers ready for a massive data dump.  We're going to broadcast the plans for their engines, weapons, and all that shit directly to you and every other world leader."

"Why on Earth would the aliens do that?"

"Mostly because Pancho has a gun to the captain's head."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, yeah, these guys are pricks, Mister President.  The commander types, anyway.  They've spent the last 5 decades sizing us up for slavery or extermination."

"How many are on that ship?"

"Not as many as you'd think.  A few thousand, maybe.  Most of their controls and maintenance are automated."

The secretary of state broke in, "You can't give those plans to everyone."

Lefty grinned.  "Seems to me, I can do whatever I like.  I'm the guy with the bazillion plasma cannons, right?  Either everybody gets it, or nobody gets it.  Turns out there's plenty of room out there, and there's no reason one nation should hog it all up."

"This will mean utter chaos!"

"Yeah.  Cool, ain't it?"

Up on the bridge, the captain sat rigid, with the same look as the guard that got kicked in the bits earlier.

Pancho looked at him.  "What's your problem?"

"You're letting monkeys loose into the universe."

"You said you wanted to learn about us, right?  Well, now you can do it from the comfort of your own home."

"My superiors will send warships.  You'll be wiped out."

"HAW!  Never bet against rats or primates, short arse.  Blowing shit up is about all we're good at.  Besides stealing shit."

"Oh, yeah", Lefty said, "Monkeys always steal shiny shit.  It's wired right in.  Hey, spend a little time looking in the Library of Congress down there.  American History, 1790-1890, look up the Lakota.  Because what happened to them is about to happen to you...And frankly, you deserve it way more than those poor bastards ever did.

The communications officer broke into the conversation.  "The data is ready to transmit."

"Great.  Send it to repeat for two days, and then we've got to get busy."

"Doing WHAT?" the captain asked.

"Oh, you'll see."

to be continued.

[Eater of Clowns]

 

[Jenne]

Hee hee.  "short-arse"!

AND OH NOES TEH CHAOS!!!

Can't wait to see what else is around the next corner, Rog!

[Doktor Howl]

Hee hee.  "short-arse"!

AND OH NOES TEH CHAOS!!!

Can't wait to see what else is around the next corner, Rog!

Yeah, I figure there's two, maybe three chapters left.  Ought to be good for a laugh.

[LMNO]

This is great stuff, Rog.  Refreshing, hilarious, and TRUE.

[Doktor Howl]

This is great stuff, Rog.  Refreshing, hilarious, and TRUE.

I went into this assuming that aliens would be just as complacent and dumb as we are, only with more accumulated knowledge.

[Epimetheus]

 

Refreshing, like the man said. True agents of Eris, those two. Where's the popcorn?

[Jenne]

I just like how they're having the time of their lives instead of going:

OH NOES!  ALIENS!

...like every other human would.  And they'll laugh in the faces of anyone who displays such behavior in front of them.