The Cult of Doktor Howl, Scientist

[Doktor Howl]

Do I need to buy some special brand of sneakers for this?

JUST DO IT

[BadBeast]

I ain't joining no crazy cult, full of crazy fools, like some crazy fool! Whut kind of fool does a crazy thing like that? You already have another bunch of crazys (Homeland security fools) harassing everyone at airports, they ain't gonna sit back an let some other bunch of 'harassment operatives' muscle in on their shit!

Kids, this can only end badly, This "Howl" creature is going to make Charlie Manson look like John the Baptist! If you are going to march on his road of bones, towards the Unholy Grail of  "Science", like the survivors of some Zomby Apocalypse, then at least wait for the Zomby Apocalypse to happen!
Howl will cheerfully bring about the End Times from the safety of his underground rubber lined bunker, while his minions will just be so much grist for the Soylent Green mill. It's still not clear what happened to TGRR, but my money is on Howl's nefarious guiding hand being instrumental in his demise! 
And what really happened to Curly? Someone obviously knows, but they're not telling. I urge you Kids, stay away from this grotesque and dangerous cult! Hamish may well be a fine man in many respects, but do you really want him planting his foul mutated seeds right up in your jelly bones?
I shall be keeping an eye on this nonsense, with my super secret squad of "Interventionist Commandos". We have the mind control lazers, the zeal of the righteous, and Tinfoil hats fior everyone! So think for yourselves, kiddos while you still can!

See, kids?  If you don't accept salvation today, you'll turn British.

See, the clues are already there! He all but admitted it! Howl's so called "Cult" is just a dummy front for The Salvation Army! They already have  occupying Troops in every God Fearing Alcohol drinking Nation, ready at a moment's notice to mobilise! Do you really want to be Fifth Columnists for what is essentially a Devotional Abstinance Cult, run by frothy Puritan cannibals,  from the secret command centre of Sixteenth Century Cornwall?
There's a bloody good reason we haven't got built up areas on Bodmin Moor!  It's still a buffer zone against the threat of the Bumpkin Army.

Even today, there are those who are catatonic still, from exposure to the subliminal binaural Brass Bands of Salvatia, and their mindlessly repeating Mantra of "There can be no Salvation, without our Holy Vats". You will be marched to a training camp, assessed for duties, and then either mind raeped for cannonj fodder, or rendered down for tallow.
And does anyone actually know where this Nation of  "Salvatia" even is? Thought not.

Stay tuned people, and remember, Be Pure. Be Vigilant. and Behave.    

[Adios]

I ain't joining no crazy cult, full of crazy fools, like some crazy fool! Whut kind of fool does a crazy thing like that? You already have another bunch of crazys (Homeland security fools) harassing everyone at airports, they ain't gonna sit back an let some other bunch of 'harassment operatives' muscle in on their shit!

Kids, this can only end badly, This "Howl" creature is going to make Charlie Manson look like John the Baptist! If you are going to march on his road of bones, towards the Unholy Grail of  "Science", like the survivors of some Zomby Apocalypse, then at least wait for the Zomby Apocalypse to happen!
Howl will cheerfully bring about the End Times from the safety of his underground rubber lined bunker, while his minions will just be so much grist for the Soylent Green mill. It's still not clear what happened to TGRR, but my money is on Howl's nefarious guiding hand being instrumental in his demise! 
And what really happened to Curly? Someone obviously knows, but they're not telling. I urge you Kids, stay away from this grotesque and dangerous cult! Hamish may well be a fine man in many respects, but do you really want him planting his foul mutated seeds right up in your jelly bones?
I shall be keeping an eye on this nonsense, with my super secret squad of "Interventionist Commandos". We have the mind control lazers, the zeal of the righteous, and Tinfoil hats fior everyone! So think for yourselves, kiddos while you still can!

See, kids?  If you don't accept salvation today, you'll turn British.

See, the clues are already there! He all but admitted it! Howl's so called "Cult" is just a dummy front for The Salvation Army! They already have  occupying Troops in every God Fearing Alcohol drinking Nation, ready at a moment's notice to mobilise! Do you really want to be Fifth Columnists for what is essentially a Devotional Abstinance Cult, run by frothy Puritan cannibals,  from the secret command centre of Sixteenth Century Cornwall?
There's a bloody good reason we haven't got built up areas on Bodmin Moor!  It's still a buffer zone against the threat of the Bumpkin Army.

Even today, there are those who are catatonic still, from exposure to the subliminal binaural Brass Bands of Salvatia, and their mindlessly repeating Mantra of "There can be no Salvation, without our Holy Vats". You will be marched to a training camp, assessed for duties, and then either mind raeped for cannonj fodder, or rendered down for tallow.
And does anyone actually know where this Nation of  "Salvatia" even is? Thought not.

Stay tuned people, and remember, Be Pure. Be Vigilant. and Behave.    

Those British, so easy to fool and blind. Not once did you question or even consider exactly what the Salvation Army is a front for.

Your doom is sealed.

[BadBeast]

Sealed and secure, in my own safety deposit box. .
Not in the hands of some pasty sucking Cornish 'Scientist'.

[Doktor Howl]

Ah, yes, the British.  When they aren't drunkenly Morris Dancing, they're getting shot to death by their local police.

That is the road to perdition, friends.  That is the road to shitty beer, over cooked food, and sweater vests.

[Luna]

Ah, yes, the British.  When they aren't drunkenly Morris Dancing, they're getting shot to death by their local police.

That is the road to perdition, friends.  That is the road to shitty beer, over cooked food, and sweater vests.

For life is too short to buy shitty beer, and, lo, who has time to OVERcook food, anyway, and, verily, sweater vests do make one look like a dork. Heed the words of the Doktor!

[BadBeast]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

[Doktor Howl]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

October, if the funding comes through.

[BadBeast]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

October, if the funding comes through.

Hence, this recruitment drive, I suspect. What's next? 
"For just a small registration fee, . . . . . ."?

[Doktor Howl]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

October, if the funding comes through.

Hence, this recruitment drive, I suspect. What's next? 
"For just a small registration fee, . . . . . ."?

That would be unethical.

In fact, the church will manage all of your property, free of charge.

It's just one more service we offer.

[Luna]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

Beware the man who cannot tell good beer from shitty beer, for, lo, he will pay for the weasel piss, and inflict it upon thise who surround him.  While thou may drink said weasel piss should it be given you (for even shitty beer IS still beer, and thou shalt not bitch about the quality of free beer), thou shalt not PAY for it.

[Doktor Howl]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

Beware the man who cannot tell good beer from shitty beer, for, lo, he will pay for the weasel piss, and inflict it upon thise who surround him.  While thou may drink said weasel piss should it be given you (for even shitty beer IS still beer, and thou shalt not bitch about the quality of free beer), thou shalt not PAY for it.

You are in error.

Coors Light and PBR are not beer.

[Luna]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

Beware the man who cannot tell good beer from shitty beer, for, lo, he will pay for the weasel piss, and inflict it upon thise who surround him.  While thou may drink said weasel piss should it be given you (for even shitty beer IS still beer, and thou shalt not bitch about the quality of free beer), thou shalt not PAY for it.

You are in error.

Coors Light and PBR are not beer.

And therefore do not fall under this commandment.

[Adios]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

Beware the man who cannot tell good beer from shitty beer, for, lo, he will pay for the weasel piss, and inflict it upon thise who surround him.  While thou may drink said weasel piss should it be given you (for even shitty beer IS still beer, and thou shalt not bitch about the quality of free beer), thou shalt not PAY for it.

You are in error.

Coors Light and PBR are not beer.

I have found one way to make Coors Light taste good, and it involves adding large amounts of tequila to it. Cheap tequila.

[Doktor Howl]

Don't listen kids, Perditia is the capitol of Salvatia!
Notice the overty puritannical, yet seemingly innocent discrediting of good beer in this post? (That's how it starts) Next stop, Howlaholics Anonymous. He'll have you all on the cactus juice by Xmas.

Beware the man who cannot tell good beer from shitty beer, for, lo, he will pay for the weasel piss, and inflict it upon thise who surround him.  While thou may drink said weasel piss should it be given you (for even shitty beer IS still beer, and thou shalt not bitch about the quality of free beer), thou shalt not PAY for it.

You are in error.

Coors Light and PBR are not beer.

I have found one way to make Coors Light taste good, and it involves adding large amounts of tequila to it. Cheap tequila.

Gonna have to send Richtor's Inquisitorial Group out your way.