Rant 62: VFW

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 62
VFW

,ÄúIn a fucked-up world, you need to give yourself permission to be the unexpected.,Äù
-Tequilarius Malignatus

,ÄúThe wind always has official clearance.,Äù
-from the Path of Bureaucracy; verse 4

,ÄúFrankly, if Kerry had responded to combat by flinging away his gun and hiding in tears under a tarp on his swift boat, it wouldn,Äôt erase the fact that he put himself in harm,Äôs way for his country, while Bush hid behind the privilege that was to eventually deposit him, blinking and amazed, into the White House.,Äù
-Neil Steinberg (Chicago Sun-Times Column of Monday, August 23rd 2004, pg. 22)

,ÄúYea, Eris winked and laughed. The day of Her sledgehammer hath come. She spoke unto us ,ÄúFear not or do as you wish, but the violent yahoos,Äô hides are Mine to smite and to twist and to shred. The rest of the population of DUMB is yours to mindfuck.,Äù And She went out. We looked around at each other, awestruck.  And someone spoke ,ÄúKallisti!,Äù We nodded and poured the tequila out amongst us . Let her or him who hath understanding nod. Verily, it is a vexation upon those who snub Eris or Her Children.,Äù
-from the Book of the Tequila M??stica Cabal

I have often spoke about the chaotic vortex that is the lives of those who celebrate Eris. (Okay, maybe I haven,Äôt, but let,Äôs just pretend that I have for the moment, in the event that you,Äôre actually paying attention.) We all live on planet SNAFU regardless of whether or not certain people celebrate Eris. We are all akin to being Veterans of a Fucked-up World,ÄîVFW. Maybe it,Äôs time to have our cabals buy halls and meeting places so that we Discordians can have hang-out places where we can meet and swap stories, ideas, and camaraderie as VFW,Äôs. Local cabals, visiting cabals, and both local and visiting unaffiliated Discordians and other weirdos could have meetings in such places. (Hell, that,Äôs what the Tequilarium almost became for the loose nuts of the PMM/C and the TMC, until it had to be closed, unless they know something now about the situation that I don,Äôt know.) I, myself would happily do so, if I wasn,Äôt broke for the moment. (A moment that is stretching way too long, in my estimation.) The Tequilarium was a grand experiment. Needless to say it is better to actually own the property as opposed to renting it, so that the worry of landlords not renewing leases can be avoided. The Pagans have done so in some areas. Even the real deal military VFW,Äôs have done so. There,Äôs no reason, besides being broke, why we Discordian VFW,Äôs can,Äôt do so. And I suspect some of you have already done so.

But enough of that. Let us,Äîor rather, let me here discuss why we are VFW,Äôs, if such a thing even needs to be discussed, in as much as it can be said to exist, in as much as it can be said. If the fact that holes are right this minute eating away at the integrity of your socks hasn,Äôt clued you in, maybe the fact that hordes of Claw Shrimp are attacking large crowds on the streets of Paris has left you a hint. Or the fact that one of our largest con-jobs ever,Äîin conjunction with Eris, of course,Äîknown as the New Age movement, is growing faster than the clouds of my pipe smoke. (Which is not to say, even in the least, that my pipe is not trying its damnedest to keep up.) Many supposed New Age writers and seminar-givers are in fact Discordian agents. And even without the sort of first-hand,Ñ¢ knowledge that some of us have in those matters, what else could explain the phenomenon? Huh? [Insert other explanations here via cut-up, or something. Hell, insert Jack Kerouac,Äôs fucking writings here, if you wish. See if I care.] Do I need cite more examples to prove my VFW argument? (As if I won,Äôt.) Well, I,Äôll at least do so without going into the little known esoteric art of how to manipulate or change people,Äôs impressions via numbering systems and numerology, anyway. (The exposition of such numerical fnords,Äô existence may be a little too deep for such a rant as this.)

You don,Äôt have to be Discordian to see that we,Äôre all Veterans of a Fucked-up World. Even those who read the daily news reports have some awareness of this, no matter what personal or delusional experience says to the contrary. All I need cite is the example of the Idiot Boy Emperor,Äôs present leadership at the helm of the behemoth American Government. That would be enough to prove my contention. But since we are here not concerned with experimental zombie monkeys being used in leadership roles (at least pretend with me for a moment that we are not), I,Äôll say no more on that one. All I need speak of is the fact that gnomes are always worried,Ķbut since some of you will disbelieve that, citing as a counterclaim that gnomes are easily pacified of their troubles through consumption of beer and cookies, I,Äôll leave that one hanging. [Insert counter-argumentative cut-up facts here, while I go eat tacos.] And I won,Äôt say anything about the rise in incidences of (parenthetical invasions of surreal phenomena (whether occult or not) into (or onto (in as much as either preposition reflects reality (as opposed to reality,Ñ¢) in, whether verifiable or not), any way) (possibly) certain (or uncertain) colorful and ODD) damned and uncategorizable things such as, but not limited to: Druid groups stealing trees and replacing them with,Äîwho knows why,Äîartificially hardened cabbages (much in imitation of the supposed Illuminati doing the same with people); ice-cream trucks that, during the brief time before Homeland Security took over the operation of ice-cream trucks, were selling certain ,Äòspecial,Äô brownies in the city of Seattle; potted cactuses, with the phrase ,ÄúChicago is actually an old Welsh word from Arizona meaning ,Äòcactus,Äô,Äù written on accompanying cards, being sold to tourists at various places in downtown Chicago (not the most funny mindfuck, though it did provide hoots, and to be fair, those TMC people responsible for the prank are drunk all the time anyway); certain Discordian groups visiting Hare Krishna temples and chanting ,Äòrub-a-dub-rama-lama-ding-dong,Äô at the temple devotees until at least one or two of them ran away (possibly to get security, but no one knows since the Discordians know well enough to leave quickly upon chanting such esoteric and enlightening chants),ÄîBut wait. I was supposed to be talking about why we Discordians are VFW,Äôs without listing any examples to prove my argument, and not what contributions we have made to the state of the planet. Perhaps this whole exercise of citing examples, while not officially doing so, is just a slim veneer of excuses to explain more of our, as opposed to their (of THEM fame) doings. In that case, it is really not my fault. It is your fault. Yes,ĶYou! Had you been a participatory audience like I suggested, I wouldn,Äôt have been allowed to meander like I have. And it is that reason why I love you all, if I don,Äôt hate or feel indifference, in as much as anything along those lines can be said to mean anything besides hollow cliches.

Look around for yourself, in any event. And you will probably agree with me that we are living in a fucked-up world, no matter what other things we may call it. And we are all veterans of it, and should thus deserve awards or something,Äîpreferably tequila and cookies. If we can claim all sorts of other silly titles and names for ourselves, then, by Eris we can claim to be VFW,Äôs. (And this entire rant just goes to show how much we really are VFW,Äôs, if not Veterans of Fucked-up Rants that go on and on, seemingly saying something, in as much as anything could be said. In case you were paying attention
(whether parenthetically or not) to anything being said.)

(Bureaucracy 17th, 3170)

[AFK]

Whoopsie!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

OMG

[Nephew Twiddleton]

This might be marginally easier to read if the quotation marks and apostrophes weren't messed up.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

This might be marginally easier to read if the quotation marks and apostrophes weren't messed up.

This, except I have made a point of only reading Hugh's shit when I need to vomit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

See, all Hugh has to do to get traffic on his rants is to wait 6.5 years.  

[East Coast Hustle]

This might be marginally easier to read if the quotation marks and apostrophes weren't messed up.

No, those actually greatly improve the writing.

[AFK]

This might be marginally easier to read if the quotation marks and apostrophes weren't messed up.

Naw, that just give it more character.