Requiem for Creativity

[LMNO]

Inertia is a pretty fucking terrible thing.  It pulls you towards the status quo, it tells you that just getting by is good enough, it tells you to hit the snooze button just one more time.  The snooze button.  That's what it is, really.  It's some inexorable force, like a giant hand that slaps you across the face and says, "go back to sleep." 

Doubt feeds it, too. Not the doubt that you use as a tool to cut through bullshit, the doubt that stands in your way every time you try to escape the gravity well of The Average.  That bullshit voice that tells you that it can't be done, you'll never finish, no one will care...  As if the goal is the point. 

That "finish line" focus is a killer – for real.  It stretches out in front of you, and you're told to race for it, to get the prize, but the closer you get to it, you realize that just on the other side of that ribbon is a six-foot hole, and you want to slow down, but at that point there's something pushing you from behind, forcing you down the track, and you get so tired, and you give up because you want to sleep, and they give you a dirt nap.

Is this just another rehashing of "it's the journey, not the destination"?  Probably.  But that's not where I wanted to take this.  It's back to the old problem: You know you should get off the couch, out of bed, but you just can't work up the energy.  It's like willpower has a shelf life, and it only comes in limited quantities.  But that's not it.  It's like you're in an elevator that's stuck between floors and playing "Copacabana" on loop, and the only way out is that panel on the ceiling of the elevator, but there's a 300 pound weight (72 cubits for eurospags) on the it, and you have to lift that fucking thing with no leverage and no good place to set your feet, so you just look at it for a while, then shrug your shoulders and say, "fuck it, I'll wait.  Barry Manilow isn't that bad."

When it's easy, it's easy, and you don't think about it.  The neurons are firing, you're right in the thick of things, you're getting your hands dirty, and it all feels right.  And there's no time to stop and think about how you're doing this, getting up an hour early to get some recording in, using your lunch break to create some mindfuck, or simply making a phone call to hang out with some friends after work.

And then, when it's hard, you have no idea how you were able to do all that stuff.  You're tired, and don't want to deal with all that shit.  Just sleep in another fifteen, twenty minutes.  Or maybe there's something else on TV.  Sure, another drink or two would be great.  Or fuck it, I'm just going back to bed.  And you wake up with a head filled with wet cotton, and you have no idea how to get it out.  And the color fades from the day.  And work starts feeling like a blessing, because hell, at least you're accomplishing something, even if it's filing papers.  And then it's a week later.  And then it's a month later.  And then it's a year later.  And then you notice that the finish line is getting closer.  And you try to figure out just what the hell you've been doing for the past decade, and you look back, and all you see is a straight line.

[Dimocritus]

Read. Liked. Posted. Will leave a better reply soon, I really need to get off the computer and get to school. My apologies.

[Luna]

Ouch.  Yeah.

Fuck, yeah.

[Eve Hill]

So painfully true.

[Pæs]

I'm better than this. I have the willpower. If I really want to, I can force myself to break this cycle.

And I'm going to do it, too. I'm going to set my alarm an hour earlier in the morning and when it furiously announces that the time has arrived my feet are going to hit the floor before I turn it off, because I'm better than this. I'm better than hitting snooze until it's the regular time to wake up and I have exactly enough time to get ready for work.

And I'm better than listening to this damn song playing over and over. If I choose to, I can lift that weight with the ceiling panel and climb out. I know I can because I've thrown that door open effortlessly in the past.

I don't need to know how. There's no secret. It's a simple matter of doing it where previously you were thinking about it. The first step, followed by the second and a third and you stop counting and just keep walking until you get what you want.

I'm better than just telling the alarm "I could do it" and hitting snooze, satisfied with that, returning to sleep comfortable in the knowledge that I'm choosing to stay in bed. That I considered the options and I made this choice and I'm happy with it, despite my previous resolution to do differently.

I'm better than always saying "I can" and never saying "I did".

And I'm going to prove it to myself by waking up early tomorrow.

I'll do it tomorrow. Not right now, I've decided I'll do it tomorrow.

[Luna]

Nice.

Fuck tomorrow. Hell, the way the world is going, who says there will be one?

Today.