What the hell happened to my White American privelege? This is an OUTRAGE.

[Doktor Howl]

This coffee tastes like ASS.  It tastes like it was run through a fucking cow instead of a coffee machine.  It's fucking rancid, and makes army coffee taste good by comparison.  I find this unconscionable.  I mean, this is America, and if we can't go into space  anymore, at least we could make a half-decent cup of Joe, for Christ's sake.

What the hell kind of empire IS this, anyway?  I have a RIGHT to proper coffee, and if that means old Juan Valdez and his fucking mule need to hump it up and down the mountain a little faster, then so be it.  We're why he's THERE, after all...Without us, he would be unemployable in his nasty little unfurnished country.  If I had MY way, I'd send a Marine expeditionary force down to Columbia and teach those lazy bastards a lesson.  Why else do we have Marines?  In the good old days, the military KNEW it's job, which was to keep the world safe for Hills Bros and United Fruit.

This cup of coffee ruined my life.  I can't even enjoy listening to my Ipod.  I should be compensated for that.

[Doktor Howl]

Feel free to tell your own tales of violated entitlements here.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I received a phone call from my ex-husband, who wants me to take time out of my day to transfer registration of a copy of Quickbooks which I gave to me ex-boyfriend.

So why, exactly, my ex-husband now has it and wants me to transfer registration, I do not know. Nor am I clear on why I need to take my own precious time in order to grant him the privilege.

[Doktor Howl]

I received a phone call from my ex-husband, who wants me to take time out of my day to transfer registration of a copy of Quickbooks which I gave to me ex-boyfriend.

So why, exactly, my ex-husband now has it and wants me to transfer registration, I do not know. Nor am I clear on why I need to take my own precious time in order to grant him the privilege.

BECAUSE HE'S MALE!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I received a phone call from my ex-husband, who wants me to take time out of my day to transfer registration of a copy of Quickbooks which I gave to me ex-boyfriend.

So why, exactly, my ex-husband now has it and wants me to transfer registration, I do not know. Nor am I clear on why I need to take my own precious time in order to grant him the privilege.

BECAUSE HE'S MALE!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?

It's a fucking abomination, is what it is.

[Disco Pickle]

I NEVER EVEN GOT MINE!  Was that supposed to leave the hospital with me at birth?  Because they clearly let my parents leave without mine.  I feel a good 'ol down home american lawsuit brewing because of this.  

It's an outrage!

I see all of the White American Privilege a lot of other white americans seemed to get and that shit makes me envious and wrathful that I have been denied this basic white american right.  I lust after what was denied me, my right by birth.  THE AUDACITY OF THEIR GLUTTONY AND GREED!

I want it.  It must be taken from them and given to those of us who didn't get their fair share of the privilege when it was being given out.

BE NOT SLOTHFUL IN RESTORING PRIDE IN WHITE AMERICANS LONG DENIED THEIR OWN SHARE OF THE PRIVILEGE!

TO THE WALL WITH THE LOT OF EM!

[Doktor Howl]

I received a phone call from my ex-husband, who wants me to take time out of my day to transfer registration of a copy of Quickbooks which I gave to me ex-boyfriend.

So why, exactly, my ex-husband now has it and wants me to transfer registration, I do not know. Nor am I clear on why I need to take my own precious time in order to grant him the privilege.

BECAUSE HE'S MALE!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?

It's a fucking abomination, is what it is.

Why, in MY day, we understood that women just needed to be thumped over the head with a King James Bible (unabridged, so you don't spoil them with a lighter-weight version) once in a while, so that they remembered their place and didn't get all confused trying to act like men.

That's why I'm glad to see Rick Perri running.  He will get us back on the straight and very narrow, with none of this nonsense about women and smudgy people running around all unregulated.  We shall march into a New American Golden Age, and Jesus will smile down on us.  Every man a Ward Cleaver, and every woman a Phyllis Schafly, and all the dinners on time!

(I hope this is appreciated.  I have to go take a really long shower, now.)

[Doktor Howl]

I NEVER EVEN GOT MINE!  Was that supposed to leave the hospital with me at birth?  Because they clearly let my parents leave without mine.  I feel a good 'ol down home american lawsuit brewing because of this.  

It's an outrage!

I see all of the White American Privilege a lot of other white americans seemed to get and that shit makes me envious and wrathful that I have been denied this basic white american right.  I lust after what was denied me, my right by birth.  THE AUDACITY OF THEIR GLUTTONY AND GREED!

I want it.  It must be taken from them and given to those of us who didn't get their fair share of the privilege when it was being given out.

BE NOT SLOTHFUL IN RESTORING PRIDE IN WHITE AMERICANS LONG DENIED THEIR OWN SHARE OF THE PRIVILEGE!

TO THE WALL WITH THE LOT OF EM!

It was the sochullists that done that to you.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I received a phone call from my ex-husband, who wants me to take time out of my day to transfer registration of a copy of Quickbooks which I gave to me ex-boyfriend.

So why, exactly, my ex-husband now has it and wants me to transfer registration, I do not know. Nor am I clear on why I need to take my own precious time in order to grant him the privilege.

BECAUSE HE'S MALE!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?

It's a fucking abomination, is what it is.

Why, in MY day, we understood that women just needed to be thumped over the head with a King James Bible (unabridged, so you don't spoil them with a lighter-weight version) once in a while, so that they remembered their place and didn't get all confused trying to act like men.

That's why I'm glad to see Rick Perri running.  He will get us back on the straight and very narrow, with none of this nonsense about women and smudgy people running around all unregulated.  We shall march into a New American Golden Age, and Jesus will smile down on us.  Every man a Ward Cleaver, and every woman a Phyllis Schafly, and all the dinners on time!

(I hope this is appreciated.  I have to go take a really long shower, now.)

OSHI... 

[Salty]

Two things that are making my life unbeatable right now:

1. This sonofabitch toaster overfuckingtoasts my toast EVERY TIME. If I adjust the setting it underfucking toasts it. I paid good money for that thing you'd figure the least it could do is what it's designed to do. I have half a mind to scrap it and eat my bread untested like some kind of savage. When I called the warranty people they just laughed at me. Bet they weren't even in this country, they talked all funny.

2. My phone has a crack in it thats oozing out grey stuff and blocking my view. Sure it's in the bottom corner and I can still type this well enough but, of course, the manufacturer won't fix it without some insane fee. They KNOW people are going to drop them (or, as it may be, allow it to slip between a bed and a wall during sexyteim) and they WANT that to happen so they can turn another buck. I work for a living, I pay my bills. I'm not asking for special compensation but they just leave me hanging. It's a sort of rape, is what it is. And I'm not going to stand for it.  

[Doktor Howl]

Two things that are making my life unbeatable right now:

1. This sonofabitch toaster overfuckingtoasts my toast EVERY TIME. If I adjust the setting it underfucking toasts it. I paid good money for that thing you'd figure the least it could do is what it's designed to do. I have half a mind to scrap it and eat my bread untested like some kind of savage. When I called the warranty people they just laughed at me. Bet they weren't even in this country, they talked all funny.

2. My phone has a crack in it thats oozing out grey stuff and blocking my view. Sure it's in the bottom corner and I can still type this well enough but, of course, the manufacturer won't fix it without some insane fee. They KNOW people are going to drop them (or, as it may be, allow it to slip between a bed and a wall during sexyteim) and they WANT that to happen so they can turn another buck. I work for a living, I pay my bills. I'm not asking for special compensation but they just leave me hanging. It's a sort of rape, is what it is. And I'm not going to stand for it.  

This is why we should whip these countries into line.  It shouldn't take long, they're only like 30 feet across each, and the guilty parties are those lazy children that work in their factories.  I fail to see why I can't have high quality AND low prices for things.  It's just plain laziness, really.  If they didn't want to work in sweatshops, they'd go into business for themselves, like we do.

[Luna]

I tell you, it just isn't RIGHT.  Here I am, a middle class white woman, and I have a JOB.  I tell you, they had it right in the good old days.  By now, I would be happily married (ignoring what my husband was doing with his secretary, sure, but the little slut would know her PLACE, by God!), with 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, and all the bonbons I could eat.

Where have we gone wrong, Dok?

(I need to go vomit, now.)

[Doktor Howl]

I tell you, it just isn't RIGHT.  Here I am, a middle class white woman, and I have a JOB.  I tell you, they had it right in the good old days.  By now, I would be happily married (ignoring what my husband was doing with his secretary, sure, but the little slut would know her PLACE, by God!), with 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, and all the bonbons I could eat.

Where have we gone wrong, Dok?

(I need to go vomit, now.)

We let people run around unregulated, that's what.  If we'd stuck with the founders' original intent, we'd still have Baby Jesus in our schools and you'd be permitted to be female, doing female things.  But NOOOOOOOO, the liberals couldn't have THAT.  So they wrecked everything with their talk of "equality" and forced abortions.

[Richter]

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TRUST FUND?

[Luna]

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TRUST FUND?

Sorry, Richter, I accidentally your whole trust fund on male prostitutes and booze.

Was an awesome weekend, though.