Let's Get Our Minds Back In The Gutter, Shall We? (Old Skool Rant Warning)

[Doktor Howl]

I've been looking around at you spags, and it occurs to me that you seem to have lost your Inner Pig™.  Everything seems so sanitized, recently.  Now, I am told by disreputable, unholy people (some of whom I happen to live with) that the problem is in MY perception of things, caused by my ever-decreasing morals...Whereupon they beat me up and throw me down the stairs.  They are of course damned, and nothing they say should be taken seriously by others.

Let's get our minds back in the gutter, shall we?  I mean, if I have to go THREE WHOLE WEEKS without LMNO making even ONE (1) utterly inappropriate lewd proposition to women 15 years his junior (or men 10 years his senior, for that matter), SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PLACE.  I've been holding up MY end...I have posted multiple shirtless pics.  Granted, there were technical problems, probably caused by drunken Irishmen and Belgians fucking about in the database, but the thought was there, and that's what counts.

Seriously, people...There are WELSH people and Orkadians here.  There are even SCOTS.  BORN PERVERTS.  Why do I even have to write this rant?  Am I taking CRAZY PILLS?  Or is this some weird form of revenge on your collective parts, due to ECH and I refusing to make the secret Pogs forum public?

It's due to this sort of lazy, half-assed perversion that I had to go out and get an extra ten dicks, by applying for the Vishnu position in the Indian pantheon...As if my regular duties weren't onerous enough.  And what do I get for it?  NOTHING.  NADA.  ZILCH.  Not so much as ONE Big Gay Cowboy pic, no horrible slash fic, nothing!

What are You People expecting?  Me to provide ALL the Horror™, and then fuck it all myself?  Am I supposed to indulge in sacred Sexhurt™, while you all stand around and watch?  Fuck you, that shit is MINE, and if you want some, you're going to have to GET IT YOURSELF.   

You know, I've heard some things being said, here and there.  Nothing specific, just mutterings about how we're almost looking comprehensible to the monkeys.  How they can sometimes get our point, without even trying.  I say that's a shame and a disgrace that we can be comprehended without effort on the part of the humans.  And if they can understand us, THEY can understand us, too, and you know what THAT means.

Am I going to be the ONLY one standing in the street with my pants around my ankles and my crazy hanging out?  I never thought I'd see the day, when everyone stands around talking in a CIVIL TONE, about WHOLESOME THINGS, instead of LOSING OUR COLLECTIVE SHIT.

Well, okay, the Teabagger thing is cool, but we need MORE.  BETTERFASTERBIGGERSEXIERSICKER.  With more weasels.  And we need it NOW!  "I'll start tomorrow, when I can think of a response"...THERE IS NO TOMORROW, and if there is, IT IS THE ENEMY.  Puke that rant out NOW, and perfection be damned!  Perfection isn't only the enemy of the good, it's the enemy of GETTING ANYTHING DONE AT ALL!  And make sure you talk dirty, because Daddy needs his fix.

Right then, enough said.  Everyone take your pants off.

Up for any program,
Dok

[LMNO]

Fuck it.  Imma gonna cover myself in glitter and go terrorize the incoming Freshman class at Boston Univeristy.

[Doktor Howl]

Fuck it.  Imma gonna cover myself in glitter and go terrorize the incoming Freshman class at Boston Univeristy.

That's what the fuck I'm talking about!  If they don't spend the entire first semester walking around with a lump of ice in their guts, then WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE?  Show them things they NEVER saw back on the farm!  They will live in TERROR of the club scene, never knowing if the the person rubbing up against them is the hottie/hunk they've been eyeballing, or some ELDRITCH HORROR wearing nothing but a jock strap and 5 pounds of glitter!

SHIT YEAH

[Freeky]

Now, I'ma agree with you Dok but I don't remember saying anything was in your perception only. 




Throwing you down the stairs, yes, but I only giggled first.

[Doktor Howl]

Now, I'ma agree with you Dok but I don't remember saying anything was in your perception only. 




Throwing you down the stairs, yes, but I only giggled first.

Lies.  You're all against me, you're probably Goddamn Baptists when I'm not looking, you and that neighbor lady to the North.  And I distinctly remember hearing one of you say, "Take THAT, you filthy reprobate!", just as I hit the bannister with my nads.

[LMNO]

Hey, I just remembered I'm going to a show tonight... One at which there should be plenty of young hipsters...

HORRIFICALLY CREEPY OLD GUY TIME!

[Doktor Howl]

Hey, I just remembered I'm going to a show tonight... One at which there should be plenty of young hipsters...

HORRIFICALLY CREEPY OLD GUY TIME!

What kind of show?

[Freeky]

Now, I'ma agree with you Dok but I don't remember saying anything was in your perception only. 




Throwing you down the stairs, yes, but I only giggled first.

Lies.  You're all against me, you're probably Goddamn Baptists when I'm not looking, you and that neighbor lady to the North.  And I distinctly remember hearing one of you say, "Take THAT, you filthy reprobate!", just as I hit the bannister with my nads.

  I don't even know what a reprobate is. 

Wait, I might have said something similar, but more along the lines of "Take THAT, you filthy little girl!"

[Doktor Howl]

Now, I'ma agree with you Dok but I don't remember saying anything was in your perception only. 




Throwing you down the stairs, yes, but I only giggled first.

Lies.  You're all against me, you're probably Goddamn Baptists when I'm not looking, you and that neighbor lady to the North.  And I distinctly remember hearing one of you say, "Take THAT, you filthy reprobate!", just as I hit the bannister with my nads.

  I don't even know what a reprobate is. 

Wait, I might have said something similar, but more along the lines of "Take THAT, you filthy little girl!"

Quit changing the damn subject.  This isn't about your and Enabler's awful abuse of my august personage.  It is about the distressing raising of the tone seen at PD.com, and about the lack of filthiness that makes me want to go roll around in a homeless guy's cardboard box down on Drachmann Street.

[LMNO]

Hey, I just remembered I'm going to a show tonight... One at which there should be plenty of young hipsters...

HORRIFICALLY CREEPY OLD GUY TIME!

What kind of show?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ujebm05G9JA

A band that's called tUnE-yArDs [sic].  No shit.  Cool band, but holy god, there's gonna be a lot of douchebaggery there.

[Doktor Howl]

Hey, I just remembered I'm going to a show tonight... One at which there should be plenty of young hipsters...

HORRIFICALLY CREEPY OLD GUY TIME!

What kind of show?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ujebm05G9JA

A band that's called tUnE-yArDs [sic].  No shit.  Cool band, but holy god, there's gonna be a lot of douchebaggery there.

You KNOW what you have to do. 

[Freeky]

Quit changing the damn subject.  This isn't about your and Enabler's awful abuse of my august personage.  It is about the distressing raising of the tone seen at PD.com, and about the lack of filthiness that makes me want to go roll around in a homeless guy's cardboard box down on Drachmann Street.

I think it's time I told you I've been orchestrating that this whole time I've been here.

I'm a bad person.  

[East Coast Hustle]

I never had pants on to begin with.

[Doktor Howl]

I never had pants on to begin with.

That's a given.  You're a sailor.

This also means you are held to a higher standard of depravity.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

BRB, NEED TO DAMAGE THE TOILET.