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In Defense of Being a Dick to New People

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM

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The Good Reverend Roger

Okay, let's get things perfectly straight:  I hate stupid people.  I am on a planet where the vast majority of people are stupid all the time, and everyone else is stupid some of the time.  Now, before you think I'm off on some Dunning/Krueger trip, let me remind you that I myself am as stupid as a sack of shit.  I'm not stupid often, but when I am, I exceed normal limitations...I am, after all, the guy who got his tongue stuck in an Epson tractor-feed printer in 1996.  As such, I hate me too, and next time I see me, I'm going to kick my ass.

Okay, disclaimer over.  When I act like a total jackass to new people, I am basically checking to see if they're stupid.  The Ugly American troll is my way of seeing if people will react in one of two ways:  Either ripping me a new ass (acceptable if they think I'm serious), or by laughing or even running with the gag (if they realize I'm joking).  It's almost...a sociological experiment, if you will, except that I never have any idea how they're going to react.

I do these horrible things because I care.  I am, as you know, a Holy Man™, and as such I am obligated to protect myself from the profane, the blind monkeys who would otherwise crawl all over me with illegal sex toys and writs and summons and bills and shit, hounding me ceaselessly to mend my ways.  Well, my ways are Holy™, and I can manage my own sex toys, thank you very much.  Therefore, I gird my loins1 and stride forth to do Mighty Battle upon the Serious Bidness that is the Internet Supermarket.

Non-sequitor:  The great thing about benzos is that they kick in really fucking fast, and they're totally legal if you tell the doctor you have "rage issues".  Imagine that.  Me with rage issues.

Now, I have in the past backslid, and bowed to the pressure to be nice to the little darlings, to be more accomodating to people who show up claiming to be charmingly mentally ill, or Emperor Norton II, or even Libertarian, but in each case, I am shortly afterward asked to bring HOLY FIRE unto the non-believers...Sometimes by the very people who told me to stop pooping on the very same new person in question.  And with each backsliding, the Gods™ become more and more angry, and we get things like tsunamis and reactor fires and boy bands.  And I cannot be responsible for these things.  It's a question of karma...I mean, I've already bought something like 10,000 years as a series of dung beetles.  You can't expect me to add to that, can you?

There's also the question of wrath blockage.  Constipation of hate.  While I keep asking you scurvy fuckers to kill me, I do not wish to explode in a horrible blizzard of shit that drenches everything for miles in an awful-smelling, sticky veneer of my feces and...

Um.

Never mind.

Or Kill me.



1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Suu

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Suu on December 15, 2011, 12:49:49 AM
You've passed your defense.



Well, yeah.

Holy Man™.  I mean, anyone here care to argue with DIVINE ANGER?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM


1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.


It is possible that you're doing it wrong.  The trick is to get somebody else to help with the girding... and take their time, and do it RIGHT. 

And if they do it wrong, tear their ears off.

So, either way, fun.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Luna on December 15, 2011, 12:54:50 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM


1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.


It is possible that you're doing it wrong.  The trick is to get somebody else to help with the girding... and take their time, and do it RIGHT. 

And if they do it wrong, tear their ears off.

So, either way, fun.

But the pokey bits always wind up going to the inside, and then it's ho ho ho time for the iodine.

Um.  Brb.  I have to "take care of something".
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Phox

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:55:57 AM
Quote from: Luna on December 15, 2011, 12:54:50 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM


1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.


It is possible that you're doing it wrong.  The trick is to get somebody else to help with the girding... and take their time, and do it RIGHT. 

And if they do it wrong, tear their ears off.

So, either way, fun.

But the pokey bits always wind up going to the inside, and then it's ho ho ho time for the iodine.

Um.  Brb.  I have to "take care of something".
Wait...
That's not fun?  :?

Luna

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:55:57 AM
Quote from: Luna on December 15, 2011, 12:54:50 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM


1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.


It is possible that you're doing it wrong.  The trick is to get somebody else to help with the girding... and take their time, and do it RIGHT. 

And if they do it wrong, tear their ears off.

So, either way, fun.

But the pokey bits always wind up going to the inside, and then it's ho ho ho time for the iodine.

Um.  Brb.  I have to "take care of something".

:lulz:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Doktor Zero on December 15, 2011, 12:58:33 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:55:57 AM
Quote from: Luna on December 15, 2011, 12:54:50 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM


1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.


It is possible that you're doing it wrong.  The trick is to get somebody else to help with the girding... and take their time, and do it RIGHT. 

And if they do it wrong, tear their ears off.

So, either way, fun.

But the pokey bits always wind up going to the inside, and then it's ho ho ho time for the iodine.

Um.  Brb.  I have to "take care of something".
Wait...
That's not fun?  :?

Leave us alone.  We're busy.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:55:57 AM
Quote from: Luna on December 15, 2011, 12:54:50 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM


1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.


It is possible that you're doing it wrong.  The trick is to get somebody else to help with the girding... and take their time, and do it RIGHT. 

And if they do it wrong, tear their ears off.

So, either way, fun.

But the pokey bits always wind up going to the inside, and then it's ho ho ho time for the iodine.

Um.  Brb.  I have to "take care of something".

:lulz:

And re: the OP... the system works. It has been working pretty fucking well for how long now?

I am not saying that we should all follow new people around meanspiritedly shitting on them. In fact I feel very strongly that we should not to that. But what you do... it's funny, and it's art. Furthermore, it seems to actually work, and when you stop doing it, bad things ALWAYS happen.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


hooplala

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 15, 2011, 12:47:54 AM
Okay, let's get things perfectly straight:  I hate stupid people.  I am on a planet where the vast majority of people are stupid all the time, and everyone else is stupid some of the time.  Now, before you think I'm off on some Dunning/Krueger trip, let me remind you that I myself am as stupid as a sack of shit.  I'm not stupid often, but when I am, I exceed normal limitations...I am, after all, the guy who got his tongue stuck in an Epson tractor-feed printer in 1996.  As such, I hate me too, and next time I see me, I'm going to kick my ass.

Okay, disclaimer over.  When I act like a total jackass to new people, I am basically checking to see if they're stupid.  The Ugly American troll is my way of seeing if people will react in one of two ways:  Either ripping me a new ass (acceptable if they think I'm serious), or by laughing or even running with the gag (if they realize I'm joking).  It's almost...a sociological experiment, if you will, except that I never have any idea how they're going to react.

I do these horrible things because I care.  I am, as you know, a Holy Man™, and as such I am obligated to protect myself from the profane, the blind monkeys who would otherwise crawl all over me with illegal sex toys and writs and summons and bills and shit, hounding me ceaselessly to mend my ways.  Well, my ways are Holy™, and I can manage my own sex toys, thank you very much.  Therefore, I gird my loins1 and stride forth to do Mighty Battle upon the Serious Bidness that is the Internet Supermarket.

Non-sequitor:  The great thing about benzos is that they kick in really fucking fast, and they're totally legal if you tell the doctor you have "rage issues".  Imagine that.  Me with rage issues.

Now, I have in the past backslid, and bowed to the pressure to be nice to the little darlings, to be more accomodating to people who show up claiming to be charmingly mentally ill, or Emperor Norton II, or even Libertarian, but in each case, I am shortly afterward asked to bring HOLY FIRE unto the non-believers...Sometimes by the very people who told me to stop pooping on the very same new person in question.  And with each backsliding, the Gods™ become more and more angry, and we get things like tsunamis and reactor fires and boy bands.  And I cannot be responsible for these things.  It's a question of karma...I mean, I've already bought something like 10,000 years as a series of dung beetles.  You can't expect me to add to that, can you?

There's also the question of wrath blockage.  Constipation of hate.  While I keep asking you scurvy fuckers to kill me, I do not wish to explode in a horrible blizzard of shit that drenches everything for miles in an awful-smelling, sticky veneer of my feces and...

Um.

Never mind.

Or Kill me.



1  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.


I am Hoopla, and I approve this message.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Luna

In all seriousness, though...

When I fought heavy list in the SCA, a very wise man told me, he never bothers to even try to remember somebody's name until they've been to at least three practices, in armor.  Same guy treated me, who was, at the time around a hundred pounds, soaking wet, exactly the same as he treated any of the guys who were new, some of 'em outweighed me more than two-to-one.

This place doesn't handle people with kid gloves.  Somebody, ANYBODY says something stupid, they will get the dumb kicked out of them, likely from several sources at once.

If somebody starts off waving their stupid like a teabagger's misspelled rally sign, I've been known to give 'em a, "dude, you're being a jackass, maybe think about looking around at what you're pissing on before somebody flips the power switch" post.  If they continue with the asshattery after that, or after someone else does something similar...  Fuck 'em.  Sideways.  Particularly when they do it in RESPONSE to that.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

East Coast Hustle

I approve the message too, and for the most part always have (occasional bouts of drug or seasickness-induced insanity aside), but it doesn't really address the issue of the language barrier in the context of attracting more non-Anglofluent posters. I guess what I was trying to say earlier is that there's a difference between some asshole noob running off because you've offended his precious sensibilities when he should have KNOWN better, and some asshole noob running off because he doesn't understand the nuances of the english language enough to understand in the first place that he had a choice to make regarding how SRS to take you and how he should then react. I just think we should give non-anglophone posters a tad bit longer to figure out WHY we are the way we are before we put them to the test. And just a tad. I'm not saying we should mollycoddle them for a month just because they don't speak english very well (or at all), but perhaps giving them a day or three to peruse the site and interact benignly for a bit wouldn't hurt.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on December 15, 2011, 01:45:00 AM
I approve the message too, and for the most part always have (occasional bouts of drug or seasickness-induced insanity aside), but it doesn't really address the issue of the language barrier in the context of attracting more non-Anglofluent posters. I guess what I was trying to say earlier is that there's a difference between some asshole noob running off because you've offended his precious sensibilities when he should have KNOWN better, and some asshole noob running off because he doesn't understand the nuances of the english language enough to understand in the first place that he had a choice to make regarding how SRS to take you and how he should then react. I just think we should give non-anglophone posters a tad bit longer to figure out WHY we are the way we are before we put them to the test. And just a tad. I'm not saying we should mollycoddle them for a month just because they don't speak english very well (or at all), but perhaps giving them a day or three to peruse the site and interact benignly for a bit wouldn't hurt.

Thing is, how can you tell who's really a foreigner or not?

Uday had the Newsweek tards going for 6 months.  They never did catch him.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

East Coast Hustle

We can smell the un-American on each other.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on December 15, 2011, 02:33:32 AM
We can smell the un-American on each other.

Oh, yeah, right.

Very well.  I shall give the next non-anglophone a few minutes to breathe, whether he/she be from Spain, Easter Island, or even Florida.

But those fucking Australians are MINE.  They kicked Cain out for not being a pussy, and they have to PAY.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.