I have a theory...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

...that it's actually a behavior-changing parasite that is the cause behind slow diagonal walking across streets and parking lots.

[East Coast Hustle]

If that's the case, we need to burn Hampton Roads to the ground because that place is saturated with the behavior of which you speak.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

...that it's actually a behavior-changing parasite that is the cause behind slow diagonal walking across streets and parking lots.

Here it's fat.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

If that's the case, we need to burn Hampton Roads to the ground because that place is saturated with the behavior of which you speak.

I AM IN FAVOR.

Seriously, this is one behavior that EVERYONE knows is infuriating. Not one single person who has ever driven a car is immune to the searing rage of being brought to a stop by some meandering idiot who just parked and is now strolling at a maddeningly slow pace on the diagonal across the parking lot. Including the people who do it. Yet they seem completely oblivious, and I think they are somehow COMPELLED to do it, like crazy cat people are compelled by Toxoplasmosis to soothe their anxiety by petting cats.

You can see infected and non-infected people in any given parking lot; the non-infected people leave their cars, glance quickly around, and walk briskly directly across the lot, staying out of the way of oncoming traffic.

Infected people move slowly, don't look around, and walk on the steepest possible diagonal, remaining in the path of potential oncoming traffic (of which they appear unaware) for the longest possible duration.

[East Coast Hustle]

One way to solve the issue would be to stop stopping for them.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

One way to solve the issue would be to stop stopping for them.

Believe me, it's crossed my mind.

[Reginald Ret]

Toxoplasmosis needs humans to pet  cats because they need cats for their reproductive cycle.
Obviously the parasite needs their victim to be hit by a car. I think it's carried by blood contact and so it tries to spread its victim's blood as far as possible.
If that is the case hitting them wih your car is exactly what the parasite wants!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Toxoplasmosis needs humans to pet  cats because they need cats for their reproductive cycle.
Obviously the parasite needs their victim to be hit by a car. I think it's carried by blood contact and so it tries to spread its victim's blood as far as possible.
If that is the case hitting them wih your car is exactly what the parasite wants!

OMG, you're right!

[Cainad (dec.)]

Toxoplasmosis needs humans to pet  cats because they need cats for their reproductive cycle.
Obviously the parasite needs their victim to be hit by a car. I think it's carried by blood contact and so it tries to spread its victim's blood as far as possible.
If that is the case hitting them wih your car is exactly what the parasite wants!

OMG, you're right!

This means there's only one way to stop the spread!

FRONT BUMPER MOUNTED FLAMETHROWERS


THE FATE OF HUMANITY DEPENDS ON IT

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Toxoplasmosis needs humans to pet  cats because they need cats for their reproductive cycle.
Obviously the parasite needs their victim to be hit by a car. I think it's carried by blood contact and so it tries to spread its victim's blood as far as possible.
If that is the case hitting them wih your car is exactly what the parasite wants!

OMG, you're right!

This means there's only one way to stop the spread!

FRONT BUMPER MOUNTED FLAMETHROWERS


THE FATE OF HUMANITY DEPENDS ON IT

FUCK

YES!!!!

[Triple Zero]

Toxoplasmosis needs humans to pet  cats because they need cats for their reproductive cycle.
Obviously the parasite needs their victim to be hit by a car. I think it's carried by blood contact and so it tries to spread its victim's blood as far as possible.
If that is the case hitting them wih your car is exactly what the parasite wants!

Following that line of thought, this means the parasite needs to infect cars, to reproduce.

So think about it, what thing inexplicably finds it ways into many cars without serving any meaningful purpose?



THE PARASITE IS FUZZY DICE!!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Toxoplasmosis needs humans to pet  cats because they need cats for their reproductive cycle.
Obviously the parasite needs their victim to be hit by a car. I think it's carried by blood contact and so it tries to spread its victim's blood as far as possible.
If that is the case hitting them wih your car is exactly what the parasite wants!

Following that line of thought, this means the parasite needs to infect cars, to reproduce.

So think about it, what thing inexplicably finds it ways into many cars without serving any meaningful purpose?



THE PARASITE IS FUZZY DICE!!

But... perhaps fuzzy dice are merely a vector, as mice and rats are for toxoplasmosis in cats? So the life cycle would be fuzzy dice>cars>people>???

Could it be that the cars themselves are the primary carrier? In which case... the parasite is VELOUR. Ofuck!

[infinityshock]

thats why bumpers are called bumpers.  theyre specifically designed for bumping

[Reginald Ret]

Toxoplasmosis needs humans to pet  cats because they need cats for their reproductive cycle.
Obviously the parasite needs their victim to be hit by a car. I think it's carried by blood contact and so it tries to spread its victim's blood as far as possible.
If that is the case hitting them wih your car is exactly what the parasite wants!

Following that line of thought, this means the parasite needs to infect cars, to reproduce.

So think about it, what thing inexplicably finds it ways into many cars without serving any meaningful purpose?



THE PARASITE IS FUZZY DICE!!

But... perhaps fuzzy dice are merely a vector, as mice and rats are for toxoplasmosis in cats? So the life cycle would be fuzzy dice>cars>people>???

Could it be that the cars themselves are the primary carrier? In which case... the parasite is VELOUR. Ofuck!

Hitchhikers?
The parasite must be posing as a teen hitchhiker so it will be raped by a creepy trucker thus closing the cycle by infecting a human.