I'm so glad I'm a Beta

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Who needs Alpha status when you have "Bob"?

"Bob" is actually a beta.  The True Pipe is the alpha.  And it smokes "Bob".

Do I even want to know who's the Gamma in this context?

I DUNNO, BUT I'M HAPPY TO BE A DELTA!

(Will respond to Nigel, et al, when I have a few more minutes.)

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

Who needs Alpha status when you have "Bob"?

"Bob" is actually a beta.  The True Pipe is the alpha.  And it smokes "Bob".

This raises the question, can an alpha have Slack™?

Also, what Net said about it being a lot more fluid than most people think. A "natural" alpha is just someone who is not trying, and simply is. It has nothing to do with an inborn nature, and everything to do with being in their element and comfort zone. Have you ever seen what you thought was a meek, shy person walk into, say, a workshop or lab or library and suddenly be at home in their domain?

Most people seem to associate being "alpha" with being most at home in bustling social situations. But someone can be alpha at a party and beta in the office, or vice versa.

The alpha isn't always the guy or chick you think is running the show, either. If you watch people's social interactions very carefully, you can often see that the loud confident blustery guy is usually not the most dominant person in the room. The most dominant person in the room is very much not making a show of it, while the blustery guy is trying too hard. Look for the quiet person who is relaxed and smiling, especially if they frequently defer to others.

Yes.  For most other mammals, there is only one way to be an alpha, and that's to be the most physically intimidating.  It's different for modern humans.  If we can't dominate in some arenas, we'll gravitate towards others where we can.  Most people seem to have something we can do better than most of the other people we know, and our brains give us the same kind of status rewards when we do well at those things as an alpha chimpanzee gets when he swaggers and others bow down.

[Chairman Risus]

I can't help but feel like this alpha/beta crap is just missing the point or buying into some sort of preconceived notions of how you're supposed to be, I just seem to put it into words...

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

I don't believe it's how we're "supposed to be" -- more like how our brains are hardwired to be.  Is =/= ought.

ETA: by "we" and "our", I am referring to all mammals in general.

[Pæs]

I can't help but feel like this alpha/beta crap is just missing the point or buying into some sort of preconceived notions of how you're supposed to be, I just seem to put it into words...

The recognition of the alpha is something we are biologically programmed for.
The idea that there's an alpha/beta binary and that "betas" are the most inferior/subordinate is pure seduction community bullshit, as far as I can tell, and I don't think that "everyone but the alpha is a loser" is a useful status hierarchy to train our brains to recognise.

[Telarus]

"Alpha" is a role, not a person.

[East Coast Hustle]

"Alpha" is a role, not a person.

This. And also "this" to whoever put forth the idea that a real alpha doesn't feel the need to impose themselves on people or try to overtly dominate them all the time.

If you come into my kitchen and want to work with me in that context, I am naturally going to assume the leadership role. But it's a learned skillset. I'm not the alpha in that context because I was a head chef the second I popped out of a vagina, it's a learned skillset that I have put a considerable amount of effort into acquiring. I'm the alpha in the kitchen because I not only know how to get a group of people to work in concert towards a common goal but I am genuinely interested in seeing them all learn, succeed, and develop the skills needed to do so in that arena. I might yell for emphasis or to stop someone from doing something that could either bring them harm or cause a serious setback in the work at hand but never for the sole reason of saying "I'M IN CHARGE AND YOU'RE NOT!" If I have to resort to that, then I've done something wrong to bring things to that point. And the fact that I am an alpha in that context doesn't have any bearing OUTSIDE of that context. If I find myself in the engine room giving one of the engineers a hand with something it would be dangerous and foolish of me to try to assume the alpha role in that situation. I use this example because it's easier for me to articulate due to my own familiarities but it certainly applies in social settings just as much (if not more) than in professional settings.

[East Coast Hustle]

TL;DR version: people like the Adrian character in that story aren't alphas at all, and people who think they're top dog all the time in any setting are foolish at best, dangerous at worst, and are not to be trusted let alone followed.

[Telarus]

Fuck, that was well put.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"Alpha" is a role, not a person.

Yes.

And in any given situation, the alpha is usually the one chosen by the others to be the alpha, whether they want to be or not.

It makes people feel safe.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"Alpha" is a role, not a person.

This. And also "this" to whoever put forth the idea that a real alpha doesn't feel the need to impose themselves on people or try to overtly dominate them all the time.

If you come into my kitchen and want to work with me in that context, I am naturally going to assume the leadership role. But it's a learned skillset. I'm not the alpha in that context because I was a head chef the second I popped out of a vagina, it's a learned skillset that I have put a considerable amount of effort into acquiring. I'm the alpha in the kitchen because I not only know how to get a group of people to work in concert towards a common goal but I am genuinely interested in seeing them all learn, succeed, and develop the skills needed to do so in that arena. I might yell for emphasis or to stop someone from doing something that could either bring them harm or cause a serious setback in the work at hand but never for the sole reason of saying "I'M IN CHARGE AND YOU'RE NOT!" If I have to resort to that, then I've done something wrong to bring things to that point. And the fact that I am an alpha in that context doesn't have any bearing OUTSIDE of that context. If I find myself in the engine room giving one of the engineers a hand with something it would be dangerous and foolish of me to try to assume the alpha role in that situation. I use this example because it's easier for me to articulate due to my own familiarities but it certainly applies in social settings just as much (if not more) than in professional settings.

TL;DR version: people like the Adrian character in that story aren't alphas at all, and people who think they're top dog all the time in any setting are foolish at best, dangerous at worst, and are not to be trusted let alone followed.

fucking YES.

[Golden Applesauce]

The notion that girls have a 1 - 10 ranking system and that the goal in the relationship game is to wind up with someone as close to a 10 as you can get away with isn't quite right, either.  I think it's better to find someone that you can be supportive of and who will support you in return than someone who merely scores highly on someone else's scale of attractiveness and social standing.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The notion that girls have a 1 - 10 ranking system and that the goal in the relationship game is to wind up with someone as close to a 10 as you can get away with isn't quite right, either.  I think it's better to find someone that you can be supportive of and who will support you in return than someone who merely scores highly on someone else's scale of attractiveness and social standing.

Yeah, it's actually completely fucking stupid. While we all appreciate physical beauty, I have turned down second dates with extremely attractive and well-off men because I found them boring or otherwise incompatible, and gone so far as to marry and have children with an unattractive and chronically underemployed man because I found him interesting.

I have never, not even once, rated a man on a scale of 1 - 10, nor heard another woman do so.

I have never had the thought "I like this guy, but he's not good looking enough for me". I might think "We look cute together", but that's a different thing.

[East Coast Hustle]

^This!

I have no problem with using the 1-10 scale as a means to describe someone's general physical attractiveness, but the idea that a huge number of people hold that as the single most important criteria in finding a mate (ahead of such trivial things as personality and compatibility) is repulsive.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Physical attractiveness is associated with health cues, so it's not something to be disregarded, IMO. It's a part that reflects the greater whole. I don't see personality or compatibility as the determining factors either though. Attraction is a highly complex, rapid process that occurs mostly outside our awareness, so I think it's irreducible to any singular factor.

Also, nonverbal behaviors that give information about personality are subsumed into this general impression about someone's physique. The way people move their eyes, the qualities in their voice and posture, distinctive movements—these are often huge elements that influence that instantaneous judgment about what we might say is only someone's physical appearance. Really, we're inferring a gestalt from a wide variety of signals.

I think it's best to avoid rationalizing about it too much. Get out of your head, just be in the moment and trust your instincts.