Okay, this is bullshit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My antivirus software, which was utterly powerless to stop the "Vista Security 2012" virus, is now having a slapfight with my anti-virus software that is specific to registry-gobbling viruses.

It couldn't stop the diabolical virus that replaced windows explorer with a mockup (which is fucking brilliant, in an evil sort of way), but it sure as hell is pissed off about the new software, which it is constantly trying to block.

So now instead of my laptop just swearing at me in Russian, it's a constant stream of "alerts" from microtrend, jealously crabbing about the new guy.

It occurs to me that if the Russians who write these viruses ever got down to business and wrote an OS, it would fucking work and they'd be rich beyond their most avaricious dreams.  But they are Russians, and do shit like this just to fuck with people who occasionally have a summer.

[Freeky]

[Triple Zero]

Okay, I'm not sure if you're looking for advice on this since you didn't ask, but OTOH you've been complaining about it for over a week now and having a malfunctioning laptop sucks ass. So if unsolicited advice is unwanted, just ignore it (no wait, let me know, then ignore it).

Another disclaimer: it's been ages since I did much Windows maintenance (I just do it occasionally now, at the Young Researchers and with my parents' laptops), so if anyone thinks or tells you what I say isn't quite right or can be done better/more efficiently, they are probably right and you should listen to them instead.

1. Having multiple AV software is indeed a recipe for disaster and they will start bitchslapping eachother because in checking for viruses they need to do things that are similar to what viruses do. It's like hiring a Blackwater team and some other Private Military Corp to do the same job, without telling them about eachother.

2. Sounds like you got it pretty bad. Is there any way that you could "just" backup all your important docs/images/etc to an external HD, then wipe the whole thing and do a complete reinstall of Windows?

3. Then, when you do, install one AV software only, and that one should be Microsoft Security Essentials (careful if you try to google and install it from an infected box, because if your Explorer is hijacked they might send you to a fake download site. The download should come from microsoft.com and nowhere else).

4. Then, I'm assuming you use Mozilla Firefox for most of your browsing, yeah? So remove the two obvious shortcuts to Internet Explorer (the one on your Desktop and on your Quicklaunch bar), so that people borrowing your laptop for a moment don't accidentally use it. You can still access IE from the Start Menu if you really need it.

5. Then, install the NoScript extension for Firefox. This will be a littlebit of a hassle at first because it disables Javascript and plugins by default pretty much everywhere (except GMail, YouTube and some other really big sites). You'll need to add your most frequently visited sites to its whitelist (just click the icon and select "allow" when you're on a site that doesn't function properly), but once you've done that you'll hardly notice that it's there. NoScript also has some generic protections against things that look like exploits, so even if you whitelist a domain that might be shady, you're still protected.

6. If you don't use Java (completely different thing than Javascript), uninstall it from the Configuration Panel > Software list. One thing that requires Java is the Open Office suite, and some online games. If you use those, then you'll need Java, it's no big deal, but if you don't need it, it's one of those things that tends to be used to exploit your box.

7. The reason why I recommend Microsoft Security Essentials as the preferred AV software is because MSE's goals are somewhat more in line with yours. Commercial AV software wants to sell product. Microsoft built MSE because they want to promote Windows as a safe and stable Operating System. This is why commercial AV software reports on bullshit like "Doubleclick Tracking Cookies", which are a privacy issue, not a security issue. Because otherwise 99% of the time the AV program will report nothing's wrong and people might think it doesn't do anything. Another bonus is that MSE, being integrated with Windows, uses significantly less system resources, so your system will be speedier.

Sorry I can't give any advice on how to fix it without doing a complete reinstall, but my experience is that such fixing still takes many hours and the system won't be as stable afterwards, while doing a reinstall removes other crud as well, and is a good excuse to make some backups as well.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Thanks, Trip.  I have it working again, I just have to occasionally listen to one AV program bitching about the other.

Given the fact that the one doing the bitching was incapable of protecting my laptop, it may have to go to the big recycle bin in the sky.

[BadBeast]

Someone mention 'Vista'?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Someone mention 'Vista'?

It has an exploit I need.

[BadBeast]

Someone mention 'Vista'?

It has an exploit I need.